Chapter II of "Me and the Girls" (Chrystal)

(Letter Undated)

Dear Mr. Hunt:

Hi! My name is Crystal. I'm fourteen. Mr. Powers wants us to write you about ourselves and Lanier.

Well, I'm writing to you now in Mr. Power's class. The whole class is supposed to be writing you, but most of them are just goofing off. There's a kid named (left off...jeh) in front of the class who thinks he's God's gift to the school. He's stupid and corny and looks like he belongs in kindergarten.

(Well just to give you an idea of what goes on in here.)

I'm not going to bore you with unimportant details about Lanier okay? but (sic) I'll tell you about it. Remember "Paisley Park," well it's not that great anymore. The tower is all vandalized and stuff.

You would probably be disappointed if you came back. The people here are confused and crazy. Well enough about Lanier.

I'd like you to understand what kind of person I am okay? Well I'm curious about things, and I like letters. So I hope we'll be pen pals for awhile. I don't trust a lot of grown ups, and I hate "know it alls." I like music, pizza,
flowers, "the Oprah Winfrey show," T.V. and hanging out downtown shopping. I like pastel colors and white; ballet, eating and being myself, even though I hate myself. I hope I get to know you a little more soon. I hope you get well soon!!! BYE.

Sincerely,

(.) (.) Crystal
^^
) (



(Undated Answer)

Dear Crystal,

What a delight it was to receive your letter. I could picture you writing to me at your desk while all the others were just goofing off (so how come I got this big stack of letters to answer, huh?).

You better be careful about that kid named ________, sounds like you might have a little crush on him yourself. Life is funny that way, we start out trying to put someone down and find out we like them.

I'm, sure you are right about me being disappointed were I to come back to Lanier. We can never go back to a place and have it meet our expectations. That is why it so important that you and your classmates enjoy life now so that you will have good times to look back upon (as I have today).

I like it when you say you are curious about things and like letters. That is a prerequisite to an interesting life. At your age, it's understandable that you don't trust a lot of grown-ups and quite frankly, neither do I. It's refreshing to hear you admit it though, especially to an old man like me (48). I'm not really that old, it's my body that is that old. I'm as young as my mind and I try to keep that young by being curious.

I used to live near the corner of Cross Street and Dexter Street, right across from Cavanaughs' Spa. On my side of Dexter, just down from my house, was a pizza parlor and a fish-and-chips store. We used to play the juke box (Fats Domino, Paul Anka, etc.) while waiting for the best pizza in the world. They used to serve shakes there too.

I am not quite at death's door as Mr. Powers seems to have painted a picture of me. I did have heart surgery in 1979 but I'm okay now as long as I take my medicines daily. I cannot do physical work however, hence, my propensity to write.

Do write to me again Crystal, and please call me John. The mister sounds too stuffy.

Your friend,

John E. Hunt





January 3, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. It's Crystal. I hope you didn't forget me already. I just got your letter today. I just have to correct one thing you typed in my letter. I do not definitely have a crush on ______. I have a boy friend named Bobby.

Well, I didn't know you were going to write a book. You might put some of our letters in it too.

I'm glad that you wrote back and I got to know you. You seem different from other grown ups. Remember, I don't trust a lot of them. Well, you're a very curious person and you seem to have everything exactly the way you want it. If you write a book you'll be sure I'll be the first one to buy one. I like the way you write. Even from one letter, you interest me.

I like to write too. I'm one of those people who can write better than I can talk.

One of my favorite author's is "Judy Blume." Maybe you've heard of her. She writes terrific books. She's written a book called "Letter's to Judy" She has letters of her admirers in there. She answers their questions too. It’s good. It’s not just for teens but also for adults. It would give you some good ideas for your book. Trust me.

I just want you to understand a little bit about me.

Well, I'm a regular teenager, maybe a little different (because I'm human!)

You say you lived near the corner of Cross Street and Dexter. Well, I'll tell you about that area. First of all there is no Cavanaugh’s Spa or Pizza Parlor or Fish & Chips store (I wish there was, I would be there every day!). (draws map...jeh)

Please write back if you can and whatever more information you need just ask and I'll find out for you. O.K? Just ask.

Your friend,

Crystal




6 January 1989

Dear Crystal,

Of course I remember you. Your first letter was a very nice letter, and this one is also. You have a larger than average vocabulary for your age group so I suppose all that reading is paying off; curiosity again huh?

I don't mind being corrected about the crush on ______ but be careful where you place your words and emphasis...for example, you say "I do not definitely have a ...etc." which could be mistaken to mean maybe you do. What you should say, I believe, is "I definitely do not have a ...etc." Do you see the difference Crystal?

Regarding my book, I contacted three publishers and sent them an outline. I haven't heard from them yet. I did include a lot of your letters but because of redundancy, had to omit some also. All my answers are going to be in the book if the publisher doesn't cut them out; assuming it's published that is.

I don't know of your Judy Blume's work but it seems my book will be following along much the same lines as hers. It's strange that she should call her book, "Letters to Judy." I have proposed three possible titles to the publishers, "My Life in Your Hands," "Letters of Reminiscence" or "Letters from John." Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I will assume you have paid me a compliment when you say I seem different from other grown-ups. Of course I am, just as you are different from your peers, so am I different from mine. Teenagers (and I speak from experience because I was one once) have a tendency to lump all individuals above a certain age as "grown ups" and ostracize them from consideration. I suppose that's only fair because a lot of adults do the same thing to teenagers. It is really beautiful when two minds can converse on an equal footing without regard to age. Letter writing allows that to a large degree.

I would be the last person on earth to laugh at anybody's heroes. We all need someone to emulate and your choices all have admirable qualities, I'm sure, or they wouldn't have gotten where they are today. I'll bet if you wrote to Oprah though, she would be the first one to say "get the education first and then go for the gold ring." You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let the drudgery of the school routine get you down. If you find it boring, go out of your way to find something of interest, it will be there somewhere.

Your map of Cross and Dexter had my house drawn on it also. It is the second house from the corner on the right, 391 Dexter Street, and the owner was named McNulty. The green block you have marked as a little lot, used to be Cavanaugh's Spa. The Fish & Chips and Pizza Parlor was about a half block down Dexter, to the right. Sunnybrook and Grossman's weren't even there nor, for that matter, were any of the other businesses you drew. My how time changes things!

You don't say if Mr. Powers is letting the students read their letters in class or if he just handed them out and forgot about it. That would be a shame because, taken as a whole, the letters tell quite a bit about my life and I'm sure most would find something of interest or an amusing anecdote to which they could relate. Please let me know this because it will make a big difference in how I answer each student. If everyone has the same general knowledge of my history or at least access to the rough draft of the chronology I sent, they can pinpoint areas of particular interest to them and ask me about that.

Yours’ was the first response I received and it was written on the third, so you must have answered right away. I thank you for that. I expect I will be getting a flood of mail within the next several days and that's good. I have become stagnate without letters to reply to. It should be invigorating to pound these keys once again and reminisce on times gone by. What better way for an old man to occupy his mind?

Write again soon Crystal, I love hearing from you.

Your friend,

John




January 9, 1989

Dear John,

Hi! It's Crystal again. Thanks a lot for the letter. I thought you would probably be too busy swimming in a pile of letters to write me back.

Yes, I guess I have a larger vocabulary for someone my age, but I never really noticed it. And also thanks for correcting me in my letter too, I guess being in Mr. Power's class really paid off for you. Don't worry I've got a few more years to polish up on my English.

Look at me, writing a letter! Right. I'm a teenager I should be out partying and having a ball.

You know, most teenagers I know wouldn't be caught dead writing something descent to someone.

You asked me if Mr. Powers asked people to read their letters in class, yes, he did. We spent a pretty good part of the period just talking about you. Some say they would write you back, but I don't know if they have or not.

I told some of my friends I was going to write you and they asked me if I told you about them or not. So I would like you to know that my friends are Althea, Valerie, Troung, Rachel, and Jim. So the next time I see them they won't say "you didn't mention I was your friend."

You didn't say if you looked up that book "Letters to Judy," by Judy Blume. It’s so good, and I think you should get a chance to read it.

I'm glad that I can write you letters and tell you things. It’s easier because I don't have to face you the next day.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. A person like you deserves getting your book published. That would be so terrific. I don't think there has ever been a book about Lanier. I mean, lets face it Lanier's not the most popular place to be. Lots and lots have changed. I'd stay in Georgia. It's warm and probably more exciting.

Lanier's all right sometimes, but something's got to be done, some changes. Whenever I write you I'll tell you a little about Lanier, okay?

Write soon. I also become "stagnate," as you say, without letters to reply to. That's another word to add to my vocabulary list. Thanks.

Your friend,

Crystal




12 January 1989

Dear Crystal,

Hi once again Crystal. Your anticipation, about me swimming in letters to be answered, matched my own. Unfortunately, such is not the case. For some inexplicable reason, only three persons of the nearly fifty people I wrote to, answered me. You were one of those and now this is your third letter I'm answering. Thank you for writing to me. If it weren't for you, I'd be twiddling my thumbs all day.

I must correct a misconception about me that you seem to have. I never had Mr. Powers for a teacher, fact is, I'm probably older than he. I did indeed learn a lot of the English basics at Lanier H.S. but don't remember who my English teacher was.

Of the friends you mentioned, the only one I didn't write to is Troung but that's because she/he didn't write to me in the first place. All the others should have received letters from me and if they answer me, I'll write to them. Althea asked about the public library and I told her about the blowfish, salt flats and old rifle shells imbedded in the salt flats of Cuba; Valerie I told about my shipboard duties aboard the USS Hoist and the recovery of the USS Baldwin which had gone aground in Montauk Point, New York; Rachel I told about my shipboard trip to Korea in 1965, the duties on board ship and the arrival in Inchon; I described the trip to Chun Chon and Camp Page and fertilizing the rice paddies with nightsoil. Last but not least, Jim learned of my suspicion that he is living in the same apartment on Cross Street where my aunt and uncle lived in 1957. I also related an incident to him about my uncle and me passing the funeral parlor that used to be on the left side of Cross Street, between Dexter and Broad.

So you see, if they are telling you that I haven't written them, then Mr. Powers must still have their letters. Please make them aware of this and if Mr. Powers is holding back some letters, let him know that wasn't my intent. All the letters should be handed out by now.

I haven't had a chance to get to the library to look up the Judy Blume book. I'll try to do that tomorrow after I finish my appointment at the hospital. It sounds like her idea of writing a book with letters is very similar to my own. The only thing I can say for sure at this point is that I have had a vastly different life style than her and so the stories, while they may take the same format, will be completely different. If you like her format, you probably will like mine also. I'll let you know what I find out in the library.

You're right about Georgia being warmer than Rhode Island. It is that, however, there is the little word, relatively, to be taken into consideration. When one has acclimatized oneself to the Georgia climate for a number of years, a temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit is cold! Now you may laugh at that because I know what New England weather is like also. Just remember that to me, a temperature of 40 degrees Fahrenheit is relatively cold.

Your comment about teenagers being out partying and having a ball is accurate to a degree. Life is not one long party or ball, however, and you seem to realize that. One must take the time to recognize the social graces by expanding one's contacts in an ever widening circle. A primary way of doing this is through writing.

I am sending you a couple of pictures of some country houses in Korea. They are made of adobe (mud) and straw. The newer or modern houses are similar but made with cement and have tile roofs. A description is on the back of one of the pictures. If you wish to show the class these pictures, perhaps they can get some idea of what a typical extended family dwelling looks like.

Crystal, please do keep up the letters and encourage your friends to do likewise. It occupies my time and allows me to recall the days of yore when things were a lot simpler than today. I hope you picked up some good vocabulary words today.

Your friend,

John





15 January 1989

Dear Crystal,

As you suggested, I went to the library to peruse the works of Ms. Judy Blume. The first library has her works listed under 305.23 of the Dewey Decimal System and list 5 books she has written. None of them were on the shelf so she must be a popular author. I next went to another library which listed her work under 305.32 and I did indeed find "Letters to Judy" on the shelf. Glad am I that I took the time to do this, because I can now correct some misconceptions you have about my intended book.

While Ms. Blume may be using the same format as I (letters to her and her answers to those letters), her goals in writing her book are entirely different from mine. She has created a forum for teens to write to her with questions, problems or simply out of loneliness because they have no other outlet (or feel that way) to express their feelings. She replies to them with advice gained from personal experience or knowledge gained through research or perhaps she has a group of professional psychologist she consults for the answers. At any rate, that book attempts to perform the same services that Ann Landers and Dear Abby perform for their readers, namely, be a sounding board upon which to bounce sticky problems off and get a reply which may or may not aid the writer in solving his/her problem.

That is not the intent of my book. Rather, I would present to the world my autobiography, which includes, but is not limited to, my life in Lanier, Rhode Island. Perhaps that will turn a lot of people off, but I happen to think I have led a very interesting life and if I can present it in the letter answering format as the adventure that it was, maybe people will buy my book. Do you see the difference Crystal?

That is not to say that I will not answer someone who writes to me with a problem or who just wants to have a sympathetic ear to tell their fears or doubts to. Of course I would be happy to offer the benefit of my advice, but that is not my purpose in writing the book, nor, I'm afraid, would my advice necessarily be sage.

I have a theory I have developed over the span of my 48 (soon to be 49) years of existence. If this theory conflicts with your ethical or theological upbringing, just put it down to the prattling of an old man and dismiss it from your mind. My theory is this: God has/will place many obstacles in our path while we are maturing. The way in which we meet and overcome those obstacles or fail to overcome them, will shape our character. The obstacles will take many forms but most probably will be in the form of either emotional or physical pain. You have un-
doubtedly experienced some of this at the parting from the young man you had a strong feeling for and which caused you to write your poem that you mentioned. I'm sure that parting was painful, but it is what we grown-ups (there's that nasty word again) call puppy love.

I sincerely hope you have many more such loves in your life, but keep in mind that as steadfast as your love may seem at the time, at your age, it is not likely to be a permanent relationship and you will part once again, and yes, it's liable to be painful. The way in which you overcome that pain, and continue with life, will strengthen your character for the next encounter. This is called maturing.

17 January 1989

I set this letter aside over the weekend and holiday thinking I would finish it after I had received your reply or some letters from the other students. The mailman just departed and after looking through the mail, I find I have nothing from Lanier. Something is wrong here, I just know it. There is no way I could write fifty letters and only receive three replies after a two week wait. I don't believe Mr. Powers has handed out all the letters I wrote. I should have received more answers by now. My writing couldn't be that boring to turn off the whole class! Please do me a favor and ask the other students who wrote me (almost everyone in 9A and 9B) if they got their answer from me. If you tell me that they haven't, I will make it a point of asking Mr. Powers why? I don't want to make any false accusations at this point, but if he hasn't passed out all the letters, then he has gone against my wishes. If he has passed out all the letters, then either my letters were boring and the students didn't want to reply or the students are extremely lazy about answering promptly. The latter two hypotheses seem unlikely to me.

I received one rejection of the book from Random House, but not to worry. I resubmitted it to G.P. Putnam's Sons for consideration. It is normal to receive some rejections, that is why I have submitted it to several publishers. I am not discouraged at this time because I have faith in what I have written being sellable material. I may have to revise it somewhat, but someone will be interested in publishing it I'm sure. After all, I have seen worse work published before. It's only a matter of finding the correct market. To that end, I still have three publishers taking it under consideration. I'll find someone.

It will be just my luck that after this letter goes out in the mail tomorrow, I will get a flood of mail to answer and all my fears will have been for naught. That would make me happy and is what I hope happens.

You never told me how you made out in the volleyball tryouts. Did you make the team? I certainly hope so for your sake. If you didn't though, don't be discouraged. I never made first string on the basketball team but I was able to warm the bench and occasionally did get to play for short periods. Being part of the effort of winning for the school was a large part of the enjoyment. Just being a supporter at pep rallies gives a boost to a team. Every little bit helps.

I will be waiting anxiously for your reply to this letter Crystal. Please don't keep me waiting too long. Be happy, be good, and have fun.

Your friend,

John






26 January 1989

Dear Crystal,

You have hit the nail on the head when you say I must have just wandered off somewhere while I was writing your last letter. I guess senility must be making its appearance at an early age. Sorry about that Crystal. I just reread all our correspondence which I have on floppy disks in my computer and have verified that my mind did indeed wander. Now out there somewhere, is some poor girl who has volunteered for volleyball and written a poem about a lost love, who will never have the benefit of my sage meanderings.

I will try not to let that happen again. To that end, I have transferred all your correspondence to a floppy disk all by itself (sort of like a diary; that was you that said you only trust your diary and yourself, wasn't it?). It's just as well because you seem to be the only one who has the time or inclination to maintain any sort or correspondence anyway.

I have only heard from three other people to date. You didn't comment on that area, so I still don't know what's happening. I suspect most of the class lost interest. It should peak again once the book comes out. It will be published by Vantage Press sometime this year and I'm hoping they will make copies available in your area as well as mine. They should, because the book was prompted by my correspondence with the school and its students and faculty. Additionally, the notoriety which Lanier received several years ago, while not nice, does make the city a topic of interest and the viewpoint of some of its students should be of interest to many throughout the United States. Of course, I haven't mentioned that I just happen to write a hell of a good letter (and I'm very humble besides), and have had some interesting experiences. That always helps when you’re trying to sell something.

The statistics you cite with regard to highest taxes, most pregnancies, less income than the rest of Rhode Island, highest drop-out rate, etc. are enough to make a grown man cry if true. Always question your sources Crystal! A lot of the same stats are being quoted as fact for some areas here in Georgia.

Anyway, why are you so preoccupied with doom and gloom subjects at your age? Get out and join your friends and have some fun for heaven sake. Don't put such a serious face on life at your age or you will begin to think life is unbearable. It can really be wonderful if you don't get caught up in all the worldly disasters around us.

You may be right about someone else writing to me and using your name, but I don't think so. What purpose would it serve? The funny face you drew on your original letter and 3 January letter was cute. The one you drew in crayon is too elaborate. What would you do if you didn't have crayons or if you were rushed for time? Keep it simple.

I most certainly will be looking forward to hearing from you again. Please let me know what the friends you mentioned say about having received my letters (or if they didn't receive them). Did I insult anyone? Embarrass them? Am I that boring with my letters that they don't generate any conversation or deserve a reply? I am sorely perplexed on this issue. I thought I was spinning a true-to-life yarn which would be interesting and maybe a little informative, but judging from the response, maybe I'm just too biased about myself (go ahead, you can read that as "conceited").

Until next time then Crystal, be good, be gentle, be happy, and have fun..

Your friend,

John






31 January, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. Now that I know what the problem is for the mix-up I understand. I thought I lost you for a while.

I've tried to tell the class to write, but I don't know what their problem is. I guess they're plain lazy. Of those other three people you said you got responses from, I don't know who they are. Nobody has told me that they wrote to you. I thought I was the only one (that I know of) who was corresponding with you.

John I've shared my letters with some friends. One of them said that you should cut down on your "perfect" English. If you're writing a letter to someone (like me), just loosen up with your words. I'm a teenager, so whatever I want to say, I just say it. I don't think of the "perfect" English. OK??

You've picked an important characteristic about me. Yes! I am very preoccupied with doom and gloom. I'm a negative person. I think about the worst things in life ALL THE TIME! I would have fun, but if you've got parents like mine who are strict about everything, it’s a problem. It's probably why I developed such a non-trusting wall with adults. (no offense)

I'm telling you John, that I am very different from other people, I am! I wonder, dream, and look at things the way they are; I let things go naturally, the way they should. People don't understand. They're in their own world and they have their heads in the clouds. If you try so hard to change the world and life to something better and nothing works, wouldn't you just run out of energy and give up? Well, that's what I've done. I'm letting things go, because I know no matter how hard I try, nothing's going to change. Just let things be. That's why I'm depressed and so negative. Crazy huh? I need a shrink, right? Everyone's in their fantasy world and they haven't caught up with other things. It's probably why they forgot to write you!! For most of the kids around here, picking up a pen and paper to write is some big task. They'd rather be partying all night. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal

P.S. Please send a picture of yourself




11 February 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your 31 Jan letter arrived today along with two others from your classmates, Susana and Kathy. I will answer them soon but wanted to answer you first.

I want to thank you for the very nice Valentine card and note. I hope you truly think of me as a pal because that is an accolade that I feel you bestow upon few adults.

As for the way I write, it isn't perfect and could never be because the English language is constantly changing. I don't try to write perfect letters but I must admit to trying to spell the words correctly. To that end, I will drag out a dictionary from time to time. This is a habit I have picked up over the years and has enabled me to retain a fairly large vocabulary and even expand upon that from time to time. For that, I will not make excuses. After all, you cannot make a leopard change its spots or a zebra its stripes. As I have learned, so shall I write. If you find this boring, I am sorry. At least I try not to be offensive.

Along similar lines, I am not going to try to change your outlook on life either. It can be pretty stinky at times, I'll be the first to admit that. From the lofty perspective of my somewhat considerable more number of years on this planet, however, I can say that it probably won't get better. As we grow older, our noses become more accustomed to the smell and we make more room for the enjoyable aspects of life around us. Trust me on this one!

I, too, have sought solitude so that I might sit and contemplate my existence. Why am I here? What is the purpose of my being? Does he/she feel, hear, and see the same things the same way as I do? I am me, with my thoughts now that nobody else has. Does the world revolve around me? When I cease to exist, does the world end?

You see Crystal, these questions I have posed are probably some of the very questions you have asked yourself. We all have these doubts and we all tend to think the center of the universe is ourself. The answer to that is yes, we are the center of our universe. When we die, the world as we know it does end. For those many others of humanity in existence at our expiration, however, they will continue to ask the same questions. They will receive the same answers you and I did.

Since we are the center of the universe, it is only natural that the things we do will affect us or our surroundings. If we plant some flowers in a window box and they grow and please us, we know we have accomplished something. If those same flowers cause someone passing by to remark on their beauty, we have brought something new into their lives. If we write a letter to our representative in congress and express our views on a subject, perhaps it will give him reason to legislate laws more favorable to our way of thinking. Lastly, if we write to a friend, perhaps we fill his day with a bright spot in an otherwise gloomy day.

I hope you can see what I am driving at here Crystal. Our actions do make a difference. All is not gloom and doom and we can change things by our actions. Perhaps we cannot make a big change all at once, but if we make little changes over a period of time, things should improve.

How are you getting along with Bobby? Don't you go out with him to movies or to share a pizza or soda or something? Do the drugstores still have soda fountains, and can you still get a good frappe there? Southerners do not know what a frappe is. It's called a milk shake here.

The foods I miss the most and which are unavailable here are pork pies and cod fish in the can. I love the New England pork pie but even if it were available here, it has too much cholesterol in it and would be bad for my heart. I could eat the cod fish cakes though. Unfortunately there is no big demand for that down South.

As you requested, I am including a picture of me and a friend in my back yard near my grape arbor. I had pheasants in the coop in the background but have since dismantled it and released the birds. The picture of the rose is just a little extra thought on my part.

Be good Crystal, and write again soon. Keep a cheery outlook on life if you can, it isn't as bad as you think.

Your friend,

John





17 February, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. Thanks a lot for the pictures. You look an awful lot like Mr. Powers.

You’re probably glad that you’re starting to receive letters again. Kathy and Susana are good friends of mine. Everyone knows everyone in our school.

Well, I'm not that depressed anymore. But I still feel like it’s a gloomy world. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything, but I don't blame people if they did take their own life. Why live life when you can't live it the way you want?

You’re exactly right when you say I ask those same questions about life. Just yesterday I did! Just as you are you alone, with your thoughts which nobody else has, so am I.

As with Bobby, forget it! He's history. He's gone. It’s nothing to cry over. He's just another lesson to learn from. I'm young, too young to think about that. Going out is something I can do with my friends.

But you see that's why I say I'm different. Yes.. I know everyone is different, but I'm beyond different. If I go out and be with my friends my heart and my mind go out to them not with them. That's it. It’s confusing to explain and absolutely too complicated to get into.

Writing to you is like writing in my journal (diary). It’s easy because I know I won't be able to face you at the breakfast table the next day, or at school. I owe all this to my 8th grade English teacher because he taught me to express my thoughts and feelings on paper. So don't worry if I let everything spill out sometimes. (About life).

Well, Lanier is still messed up. There are no soda shops, movie theaters, or any place to hang out. Nobody thinks about it. There are parties every week but not my kind. Fun isn't getting drunk and drugged. It's what Lanier needs. We need places to go, and descent places too. No frappes around here, or pork pies or cod cakes unless you want frozen ones! (At the market.)!

(Notice how I always write something bad about Lanier?)

Good luck with your book and I'll try to be cheery.

Your friend,

Crystal

P.S. I'll send you pictures when
I get some recent ones taken. OK?




21 February 1989

Dear Crystal,

If I look a lot like Mr. Powers, as you say, I don't know whether to feel flattered or insulted. I can say this, however, perhaps he ought to have a face lift. I have been looking at this old visage of mine for too long to consider such a drastic step.

If my letters bring you any measure of joy or satisfaction, then they are serving a useful purpose. I am tickled to hear that you are not as depressed as you seemed on your earlier letter. Depression is such a bummer that I always go out of my way to find something uplifting whenever I feel a bad mood coming on. Not that this happens very often, because I am basically an optimistic person.

Your association with Bobby was short lived, but that's as it should be for a girl your age anyway. I hope you have many more "close encounters of that kind" because, as you say, he's another lesson to learn from. You, and most other teens of your years, are beginning to associate more and more with the opposite sex, and that's okay. After all, it hasn't been so long ago that you only had girlfriends and now you’re finding out that boys can be friends also.

Yes, I had noticed you always have something bad to say about Lanier. I attribute that to your nature. By your own admission, you are a pessimist so I don't expect you to look for the good things about the city, which, I'm sure, are available for anyone who looks.

While it is romantic to fantasize about pizza parlors, ice cream sodas, frappes or the glorious 1950's and 1960's (and I plead guilty), those days are past and we must live in the present while preparing for the future. I'm sure that the school, your church group, or even the YWCA must have programs which could offer wholesome entertainment for young adults like you. What about a skating party or bowling? I used to bicycle to a skating rink in Pawtucket in 1956-57 and they used to have some duck pin bowling lanes but I forget the location.

I'm sure not all the kids’ party every weekend or have parties involving boozing or drugs. Surely there are some of your friends, who you know and like, that are not into these things, and with whom you can plan some fun things to do?

Whenever I write something to someone, I like to think I am speaking my mind and being as truthful as I can be. As you have surmised, it is easier to set one's thoughts down in writing than to say them in person (face to face). That can be a help or a hindrance; a help, in that we are better able to think out our thoughts before committing them to paper (whereas face to face, we might not say what we mean), a hindrance, in that our written words may one day come back to haunt us.

As you no doubt have ascertained, I have a rather large ego and so keep most of my correspondence on file. I have to be aware at all times that what I write may be read at a later time by persons unknown to me. Most of my correspondence is saved to computer disk but I do have some hard copies in a separate file. When I pass on, all of this may be destroyed or some of it may be suitable for saving or compiling another book. Who knows? I would like to leave some mark on this old world to show that I came this way!

Why have I mentioned this? Because you are keeping a journal and should be made aware that someday others may read it that you have not intended should do so. Be careful what you write lest it hurt you or others in later life. As for what you say about me, you can suit yourself on that score. You might even say I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong. That being the case, I'll change the subject.

So okay, I'll be looking forward to seeing your picture. Don't get all gussied up on my account ya heah? Enny ol' picture will do. That snap I sent you was taken four years ago now but I haven't changed much since then so didn't think you would mind. Let's face it, between 45 and 49, about the only thing that will change is less hair on the head and more wrinkles in the face. Now your picture would be a different story. Between 10 and 14, there is a big difference in development.

As of yesterday, we are finally getting some well needed rain. Our reservoir of water is down over seventeen feet this year. The Corp of Engineers, who manages the flow of water from the dam upriver, has not been doing a very good job in my estimation. We are about to have a very big battle in the courts about that.

I understand that you are on the other end of this rainstorm but at your end it is snow. I don't envy you. That's one thing about the South that I really like; very little snow. Those New England Winters are too severe for me!

To update you on the book, I heard from Vantage Press today, and they are going to print it. I had to send them some background information on me. They say they will send me a contract and the proofs and a drawing of the cover within three or four weeks. I must okay the proofs and cover picture and sign the contract and send it back. I think we are looking for a late April or early May publication date. I'll keep you posted.

Write again soon. I always enjoy getting letters.

Your friend,

John




27 February, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. My vacation is over, and I'm back in school. I didn't do anything all week! Well, I heard that Georgia got some serious snow from the storm. A few inches of it, huh? We got a few too. Just yesterday I went sledding at the "Ayers Street Park," which is now called "Sacred Heart Park." It was great! I'm a little old for sledding, but no matter how old I get, I always want to feel a kid in me.

You said that I should make up a party with my friends; well that's an absolute no! None of us can have a great party if there's going to be a grown-up watching out for everything we do. On top of that, all of us are broke. I work only on Saturdays, but I'm saving my money for my freshman frolic (or freshman Prom) at the end of May. I can't wait! I work at "Chuckwagon Caterers" on Hunt Street in Lanier. Maybe you know where it is.

I found a picture of myself. I look like a goofball! It’s the only one I could find. You'll get a better one soon. My friend caught me when I was half asleep. I look way different now, this was taken last year. Bye:

Your friend,

Crystal



3 March 1989

Dear Crystal,

I got your 27 February letter today with the picture of you. I must say, you do not look like I had imagined. You are a very beautiful young lady! From all the doom and gloom I generally read in your letters, I had expected a humped back gnome with a wart on the end of your nose and a clubbed foot or something. Surprise, surprise, but then again, we can never tell what a person looks like by what they write or how they sound on the phone. You were a pleasant surprise.

I was not aware that you were on a vacation. What was the occasion? Did the snowstorm cause the closing of the schools? They did close here but only for a day. The snow only lasted two days but the roads were clear on the second day so the schools were open. We did get a lot of snow though. My daughter even built a small snowman in our back yard. Sorry to say, I had no film for my camera or I would have taken pictures.

Another tidbit of information was divulged in your letter of which I was unaware. You work part time and are saving for the Prom. I did not know you were working but that is good experience for you. Sorry to say, I do not know where "Chuckwagon Caterers" is. What is it you do? It sounds like maybe you deliver bar-b-que beef products to parties or something. Am I close?

May is only two months away but I know you must be chomping at the bits to go to the Prom. That is an important social function that the school has. I don't want to spoil it for you but you do know that it will be chaperoned by adults don't you? Try to have fun anyway, just pretend they're not around. Have you picked out a dress? What other preparations have you made? Got a guy in mind now that you dumped Bobby?

We've been getting a lot of rain since the snowstorm. We can use the rain but my wife can't stand staying in the house. She wants to get out and work in the yard or garden. It makes it miserable being cooped up in the house all the time. The bright side of the picture is that the farmers are happy. Now if we can only avoid a freeze, maybe we'll have plums this year. I have two trees.

Sincerely yours,

John




9 March, 1991

Dear John,

Hi. How are you? I'm freezing. The weather has been so cold here. Our vacation was Presidents Day vacation. I was out for a week with no school. Too bad it’s over because I hate school. Thank goodness there's another week vacation in about two weeks.

Yes, I'm still working at "Chuckwagon Caterers." And I'm still saving every penny for that Prom. No I don't deliver bar-b-cue beef products, but you were close. I make and wrap them. I just package the food for shipping and make the sandwiches and salads.

Hopefully with that Prom I can go with this boy Ray that I like. I'm afraid to ask because I hate rejection. I don't want to get asked out by a real jerk, so if I'm not going with Ray, I won't go with anyone. I'll go stag or something.

I never knew you were married and had a daughter. How old is your daughter? Do you have anymore children? My age maybe.

I wish I had fruit trees in my yard. I just got one big regular tree in the front of the yard. Even though I like the idea of fruit trees and flowers, I'd still rather live in the city. That's why I'd like to go to college in Boston, Mass. I love it there. Have you ever been there?

Did you notice in my photo that I was oriental? I don't think I've ever told you that I was Amerasian. My father is American and my mother is from Vietnam. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal




13 March 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 9 March arrived today, a day in which we enjoyed our third successful space-shuttle launch, so I have two things to have happy memories about on this date.

While you are freezing your buns off in Rhode Island, we have started a warming trend here in Georgia. My plum trees are in bloom and the bees are pollinating them already. Oh, the nights are still pretty cool (around 40 50 degrees Fahrenheit) and the days are not hot yet, but it's warm enough for the grass to start turning green and weeds to grow.

My wife has started the garden already, but only with onions and garlic and radishes. These plants can withstand the cold nights and grow fast. After these have been picked, my wife will plant peppers, carrots, potatoes, cucumbers and squash. That is her garden and she wouldn't know what to do without it. I used to till it for her when I was healthy but can no longer do that so we pay to have someone do it for us.

Speaking of my wife, I thought I had told you I was married and had a daughter. I sure hope my book is published soon! I'm going to send you a copy which should answer a lot of questions you might have about me. Had all my letters been read aloud in class, you would know these things. To get back to my wife, she, too, is oriental; Korean to be exact. She is my second wife and we just recently celebrated our sixteenth wedding anniversary although we've known each other longer than that. My daughter is nineteen and the natural daughter of my wife. I adopted her when she was four years old and love her as much as if she were flesh of my flesh. We've been through a lot together.

Come on Crystal! You can't vacillate like that! In one breath, you say you hate school, and in the next breath, you are talking about loving Boston and wanting to go to college there. Yes, I've been to Boston to see the Red Sox play. That was a good many years ago though and I cannot remember which year. Roger Maris and Carl Yastremski were both on the team then so I think it was in the 1960's or early 1970. Personally, I didn't like the big city then and I probably wouldn't like it now either. I've grown used to suburban living I guess.

Tranh, a classmate of yours, also has been writing regularly. She too, is of Vietnamese heritage, and asked me to tell her some of the places I had been and things I did while in Vietnam. She has that information and you can compare notes if you want. Otherwise you may have to wait until I write the sequel to the book being published. That will have the Vietnamese stories and subsequent history of my adventures up until the present day.

Good luck with getting to the Prom with Ray. If he's the one you have chosen to go with, you better start working on him to get him to ask you. Don't be bashful about asking him because he may be too bashful to ask you himself. I was a very self-conscious boy at that age and had to go stag because I was too bashful to ask a girl. Worse yet, when I got to the gym (that's where we had it), I was still too bashful to dance and so a lot of us boys stood or sat around; so did a lot of the girls. It's best if you go as a pair, you will have more fun. A beautiful girl like you shouldn't have any trouble getting a boy to say yes anyway. If he rejects you, he probably is not playing with a full deck of cards upstairs and you can do better than that.

You and my wife have a lot in common. She too, is a pessimist. She is the type of person that, were I to take a glass and fill it halfway with water, she would say it is half empty, whereas I say it is half full. She looks on the negative side of things while I look on the positive side. It is said that, like magnets, opposites attract; I have come to believe that. It has made for a very interesting existence and certainly one without boredom.

We've already had the 1989 Futurity here in Augusta (A horse and rider single out a calf and cut him out of a herd of cattle. Rider and horse are both graded and timed). This month we have the Regatta (boat races on the Savannah River); it is becoming international in flavor. Next month, the event which brings the most acclaim to Augusta, the Masters Golf Tournament, will be played here. I am an avid golf fan even though I didn't play much. I will be following the events closely on television.

My days are pretty much the same and would be boring if I didn't get mail to answer. Please keep that in mind and write soon.

Your friend,

John





20 March, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. The weather is crazy up here. Yesterday it was in the high 60's and today it snowed and dropped down to the 40's or something. Crazy!

It’s so interesting to know that your family is Oriental. It paints such a better picture in my mind about you. Do you speak the language? My father who is American/Polish can speak the Vietnamese language better than he can speak English. That's weird because I'm Vietnamese in my blood and heritage and I can't speak it at all. I used to when I was small. I used to speak American, Vietnamese, and Indonesian. But I guess it all faded away when I started in an American school. I totally went blank and I don't understand why. I haven't made an effort to learn either. Who know why? Just lazy I guess.

Ok. Ok...I know I change the way I feel about things like a blink, but I guess I'm just a totally confused girl. I do hate school, but I'm not stupid! I know how education is important. I guess I'll suffer with the homework and studying for the next couple of years, because I know I'll make up for it later. That's why I want to go to college but still hate school.

Tranh is one of my good friends. I didn't know she was writing regularly to you either. I guess you can always count on us orientals, right?

I don't think I'll be going to the prom with Ray. I didn't ask him but he's not going with anyone. He's too shy. Last Friday I went to a Saint Patricks’ Day dance at my school. I asked him to dance to a slow song, he said no. I felt like a jerk. He told me that it wasn't because of me, but because he didn't like to dance. He wasn't dancing with anyone before I asked him either so he wasn't lying. But what's the use of going to the prom with him if he won't dance with me? And to a slow song! That's like the most craziest thing to do! Oh well, I feel like a low life jerk and I made my life a humiliation and embarrassment in front of him. But I still got some of my pride left. I'm gonna go, don't know with who, but I'll go even if I go stag.

A pessimist is what I am, and pessimist is what I will stay. Nobody will ever understand me, ever. People are totally different from me. I'm confused but I do have a good mind and do know what I'm talking about. It’s hard to explain so I'll just keep the subject closed.

I'm not such a fan of golf. But I enjoy playing soccer and volleyball. I go to school basketball and girl softball games. The things I like to watch on T.V. are the Olympic Gymnast and figure ice skating competitions.

Well, please do tell your wife and daughter I said Hi. I would like to know more about them. What are their names? Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal




23 March 1989

Dear Crystal,

Got your letter of 20 March today, a day which is overcast and gloomy, and it cheered me right up. Happy Easter to you also, young lady. I hope it is a joyous day for you.

My daughter's name is Jean and when she was younger (five to seven years old), my wife (Mija) and I used to stay up late Easter eve, coloring and decorating eggs. We would then take them outside and hide them. In the morning I would get the neighborhood kids and my daughter and line them up on one side of the property and have them cross it looking for the eggs. I had to stop that practice because my daughter used to get mad if I made her share her eggs with others who hadn't found any. Sharing is not her greatest attribute. That is what becomes of being an only child. I'm afraid my wife and I have spoiled that girl unmercifully.

No, I don't speak the Korean language enough to carry on a conversation. I can, however, make my basic needs known and sing a few songs in Korean. I had three tours of duty in South Korea, one of them in the DMZ.

I would venture to say that your dad was in the Army and served as a Green Beret with the Vietnamese forces. The Green Beret had an intensive language study program which they had to learn before being stationed in any country. If he speaks Vietnamese as well as you say, it is almost a sure bet that he learned it as part of that program.

Don't be too dismayed at not being able to speak Vietnamese. I too, spoke only French as a youngster (my mother was Canadian French) and lost that ability when I started public school also. We learn most easily when we are young but if our environment does not let us continue to use the skills we have learned, we tend to forget them rapidly also.

Did they have the Saint Patrick Day dance in the gymnasium? Did you get to dance with anybody? Surely you didn't let the fact that Ray didn't dance with you, spoil your fun. It sounds like the dances I used to attend there when I was your age. All the boys stayed in one group and the girls in another. Occasionally, a couple would dance or two girls would dance together. I guess things haven't changed all that much. Go to the Prom alone if you must, but don't be ashamed of it because I'll bet you that a lot of the other girls will be going stag also. The boys will probably be falling all over themselves to date you for the junior and senior prom. That's something you can look forward to anyway.

Of course people are totally different from you! Think how boring it would be if they weren't. We've had that conversation before, so I won't go into it again. You are unique to me, and I to you, and that's as it should be. That is why it is interesting writing to you. Please don't change!

I, too, like to watch the gymnast and figure skating on television. I have the utmost respect for anyone who can reach national acclaim in either sport because those are extremely difficult sports to master and most of the good ones you see
today, had to start learning at a very young age and maintain a strict regimen throughout their careers. Most of them miss out on a normal (who's to say what is normal though?) childhood.

You are not a confused girl as you state in your letter, you are just enjoying your prerogative as a woman, that being, to change your mind. You can do that as often as you like, it is expected. Actually, it isn't unusual for one of your age to be ambivalent about school. What is important, though, is that you do understand the importance of a good education and have that desire to achieve.

I noticed your stamp on the envelope which says "Thinking of You" and has a pretty floral arrangement. You must ask for those stamps special when you go to the post office. As much letter writing and bill paying as I do, I get my stamps on a roll and I'm afraid that they are not as decorative as yours. To make up for the plainness of my stamps, I hope the contents of my letters will bring joy to your heart and a lift to your day.

Write again soon Crystal. I always like to get letters from you. They bring a respite from the tediousness of day-to-day existence without hearing from friends.


Truly yours,

John




14 April 1989

Dear Crystal,

I received your postcard last week. Thank you for thinking of me. Regrettably, the space limitations on a postcard, do not allow scads of information to be recorded so I will just have to wing this answer and hope that you find something of interest to reply to.

I watched one of your favorite television performers the other night, Oprah Winfry. She had Shirley McClain on. I've long been an admirer of Ms. McClain and was fascinated by this show. Did you, perchance, watch it? Much of what Shirley said had to do with metaphysics or the study of the ultimate causes and underlying nature of things. I think you would have found it very interesting. I confess to not being able to understand a lot of what she said, but I do agree with her when she said God is within all of us and as such we are of God and have the power to control our own destiny while on Earth. In short, we can be happy or miserable, it's up to us.

You sent me the post card on 5 April. The Freshman Frolic was on 7 April I believe. You had said you were going to go to it. So fill me in on the details. Did you go? Did you have a good time? Did you dance? I know you were looking forward to this dance and I hope you did make it and had a good time.

I just picked up the mail and have a reply from Vantage Press, concerning the publication of my book. You will recall that I told you I didn't like the terms of the original contract they sent me so wrote them suggesting different terms. Sad to say, they won't go along with my proposal but they did revise the terms. The terms they suggest are still too prohibitive, however, so I'm afraid I shall have to put off publication until a later date. The stumbling block is over publication cost. They just want too much money for me to be able to handle it now. I'm on a fixed income. It will just have to wait until I get some of my other bills paid off and can afford their terms.

I am extremely sorry for any expectations I may have aroused in you or any of the others I've been writing to. If it's any consolation to you, I feel worse than you about it. The book will be published someday, though, judging from my accounts, possibly in 1991. But who knows? I may hit the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes before then! Just don't hold your breath.

Sadly yours,

John




20 April, 1989


Dear John,

Hi! Wow, it’s been awhile since I had heard from you. I received your 14 April letter yesterday. Because you see I sent you a letter before I sent the postcard and you didn't reply. I waited for awhile (longer than usual.) I thought maybe you might have gone on a little vacation. Maybe it just got lost in the mail. So, how are you? Sorry about the bad news about the book. You really had your hopes up, huh? Don't worry, be happy! It will get published sooner or later. Right?

Are you wondering why I'm in such a beautiful mood? Me too! I guess it’s the spring weather and the love in the air. I'm going out more, especially to "Sacred Heart Park." Ray goes there to play basketball. It's so great!!!

No, the Freshmen Frolic is Friday, May 12th. So when I do go, of course, I'll give you all the details! Hopefully something exciting happens.

No, I didn't see Oprah Winfrey's show with Shirley McClain. I've heard the name so many times, but I haven't noticed her face yet. Maybe I have, I don't know. I guess her philosophy on life is sort of true. I just don't like to worry myself about religion or philosophy. Whatever my feeling is about something is just what I go on.

Well, I've found this whole big streak of energy inside myself! It's weird. I want the summer to come soon. I'm dying for it! I've been hanging out a lot in Providence, on Thayer Street. Some people don't understand this sudden burst of energy I have but I hope it lasts awhile, because I like it! Bye!!

Your friend,

Crystal
P.S. Don't worry about the book too
much, it'll get through. There's
other publishers in the sea!





24 April 1989

Dear Crystal,

Well that's just great that you aren't as depressed as before! See what Spring can do for you? The sap is beginning to flow in more than just the trees. I think the operative word is one that you used, "love" or should I say "LOVE." Just keep it in perspective and enjoy yourself while it last. I remember what the feeling was like when I was your age. Those are pretty intense feelings and you must be very happy. Be careful that you don't get hurt though. Those first loves are very fragile and you may not want to believe it, but there will be others in your future.

I guess I got my months mixed up when it comes to the Frolic. I was thinking it was this month. Is that dance comparable to the Jr/Sr Prom? Is it the last dance of the season? Have fun and keep me posted.

It was a bit of a disappointment for me to realize that it would be so expensive to publish. Don't get me wrong, for what they plan to do, the price is fair. It's just too much money for me to come up with at this time. Yes, I do think I will be able to have the book published when I get my mortgage paid off in 1991. That's only two years from now and while it may seem like a long time to you, is not really that long to me. That's a funny thing about aging, time seems to go by faster.

At any rate, whenever the book is published, I plan to send you a copy. Meanwhile, I've already started on the sequel which I plan to call "NOSTALGIA X 2." It will be written in a different format but will still be a continuation of my mis-
adventures from 1965 to present.

Gut feelings are sometimes good to follow when making your way through life. But if you start to think about it, your feelings are based on what you have learned from your upbringing/environment. If you've had strong moral character and ethical standards stressed during your upbringing, your gut feelings will reflect that. You will sometimes make mistakes in judgment, that is to be expected when we are growing. Learn from those mistakes and don't make them again. Above all, don't dwell overmuch on any errors you may make. We all make mistakes and it's up to us to learn from them.

Thayer Street in Providence sounds familiar to me. I don't know why because I seldom went there. I did, however, apply for admission to Brown University in my Senior year, but never went there because I joined the Navy just before I graduated. What are you doing so far from Lanier? Have you relatives there? Am I being too nosy?

It's starting to get downright hot here in Augusta. Our plum trees did not have to endure a freeze after they started blooming (as in previous years), so we are rife with plums this year and the wife is planning on making a lot of jam. We've got two Chinese chestnut trees which will produce quite a large crop (my wife sells them in five pound bags in the local oriental stores) and she just planted a hybrid American chestnut that should bear nuts in about four years.

In the garden, she has planted jalapeno peppers, cayenne peppers, lettuce, garlic, green onions, snow peas, cucumber, squash and strawberries. My wife is the one with the green thumb. If I try to grow anything, it usually withers away and dies. I know a lot of this stuff isn't too important to you but we're just old folks, puttering about the house, and these are things which occupy us. If we didn't have something to do, we'd probably just wither away also.

My wife has filled out an application to go to work at Fort Gordon this year. She is waiting for them to call her. There is supposed to be 4,000 job openings in the next three years at the Fort. It would be nice for her to be able to work again and have a little extra money of her own. She feels better not having to ask me for money when she needs it. I do control the checkbook and try to have enough money set aside each month for little extras she may need. It's not always easy though, and another paycheck coming in besides my pension and disability pay would help. Besides, it would give me more time alone to devote to my writing.

I didn't receive the letter you sent before the postcard. It is very possible it got lost in the mail because we have a substitute mailman on weekends whom I suspect has lost my mail in the past. No damage was done however, unless you told me something important that you think I should know. If that is the case, please fill me in on your next letter. Until then, keep the faith and enjoy!

Your friend,

John






28 April, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. Yes, I'm still feeling great. It is the "love" in the air (or whatever you want to call it). I can't stop thinking about Ray. I know that I'll like him for a while. I went to a baseball game today at Macomber Field. Do you know where that is? Our Lanier "Pacers" lost. We haven't won a game yet. That stinks. Ray was there!!

The Frolic is getting so close. Guess what? I got a date. My friend, Linda, set me up with some kid I never knew or ever seen before! I said yes before I knew him. Sounds desperate, but I was! I only talked to him for five minutes to talk about arrangements and things. His name is Bruce. He's really nice and everyone says he is. That's good. He's sort of messed up in his hip. He was born without a hip bone on one side (or something like that) and he's in and out of the hospital for operations and checkups. He limps. We're just going as friends though.

It’s good that you didn't stop and drop everything (your writing). It’s nice that you don't lose hope. I bought this little blank, hardcover notebook. It’s pretty, like a little journal or diary. I write little thoughts and feelings of Ray in there. It’s good to have one when nobody understands you around here. I bought it at the "Brown University Bookstore." It’s really nice.

Lanier? It's still the little boring place it has been (for me anyway). I'd just rather roam around. It seems unsafe and stuff, but what do they want us kids to do? Do I have relatives? Yes, but not many; only one, my uncle Donny, on my father's side. Other distant cousins, aunts, and uncles on my father’s side are not that close to us. We never see them. None live in Lanier though. And all that are on my mom's side are in Vietnam. So I've got no one else. It’s sad for me. Oh yeah, I've got two parents and three stupid sisters, but that's it! Whoopee."

My father likes to garden too. We planted some flower, veggies, strawberries, shrubs, and a rose bush. He spends lots of money every Spring, but it seems that nothing comes up from the ground. Oh well, maybe this year it'll be different.

Hope your wife gets a job at the Fort. What exactly is the Fort anyway? Well, I'll be waiting for your next letter, until then, I'll be dreaming and thinking of "Ray." I must be CRAZY! Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal




04 May 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 28 April leads me to believe that you may yet become an optimistic person. At least it is nice to hear that you are still on an emotional upper. Love can do that for you. The fact that you have a date with Bruce for the dance and still "love" Ray, is a good sign also. You should not become too engrossed in one boy at your age. That could lead to too much hurt at a later date.

No, I don't know where Macomber Field is. It sounds vaguely familiar though. I'm sorry to hear that the Pacers lost. What is their record to date? I know you said they hadn't won a baseball game yet but the season is only just getting started. What position does Ray play? I believe I told you I used to catch for the team in my day, Arthur LaRue used to pitch or sometimes Frank Jacusa.

If I'm not mistaken, your friend, Linda _______ , may be the daughter of one of my old schoolmates. What is her mother's name? I was sweet on a girl of that name when I attended Lanier H.S. I still have some old class pictures but, regrettably, did not record names on the back, so have forgotten most of the names of my classmates. The name _______ does ring a very strong bell though. You might ask her to ask her mother if she remembers a boy named John Hunt from the 9th or 10th grade back in 1956 and 1957.

Why do you call your sisters "stupid?" They have dreams and aspirations just like you. Is it sibling rivalry? Are they older or younger than you? I suppose it's normal to think of one's brothers or sisters as stupid, though, because if memory serves me correctly, I didn't think too highly of my brother at that age either. He's almost three years older than me.

Last Monday, I was saddened to see the aborting of the flight of the space shuttle, Atlantis. Today, I took a break during the writing of this letter to watch the second try. It was touch and go there for a while because of the weather. They finally did launch successfully as you know by now. About six hours from now, they will launch the Magellan probe to Venus to explore that planet. I hope that goes well also. My, but don't we live in exciting times!

The verdict is in on the Oliver North "Irangate" trial also. He was found guilty on three of the twelve counts for which they were trying him. Word is, he will get ten years and a seven-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars fine. Personally, I think some of those charges will be dropped on appeal and he will spend very little time (if any) at all in jail. It is my opinion that he did indeed break the law on those charges for which he was found guilty but he is still being used as a scapegoat. Ex-president Reagan and then vice president Bush are more deeply involved in circumventing the law to aid the Contras than is currently known.

The tribulations to which North and his family have been subjected over the last three years, not to mention the premature termination of his military career and the besmirching of his character, are punishment enough in my estimation.

As for the gardening, I'm afraid I, too, am like your father. Anything I've ever planted has failed to survive. My wife is the one who has the green thumb in this family. I used to tell her how and when to plant things but my lack of success in growing anything led her to experiment with her own system. I now keep my mouth shut because she is very successful at making things grow and you can't argue with that.

The fort, Fort Gordon, is an Army installation about six miles from my house and where I taught radio teletypewriter communication skills to young soldiers for about five years (1973-1978) when I was on active duty. I, too, took the same training there when I came through in 1965 as a private in the Army.

My wife is trying to get a job at the fort and filled out an application with the civilian hire office last week. It may take some time for them to answer, so yesterday, we also put in an application for her with a local employment agency. They charge a fee of $500 if you accept a job they set up for you. If they find the right job for her, I'd be only too happy to pay it.

Well, I've prattled on for long enough and so I'll let you get back to what you were doing before you took the time to read this. Hope you found something of interest in this letter and I will await your reply.

Always your friend,

John






23 May, 1989

Dear John,

Hi! It’s been quite a while since I've written. Sorry!! It’s not that I forgot you it’s that my mind is cluttered right now. I've got so many things to do! I've got a 40 page term paper due to Mr. Powers, I'm working at the Community Fair, and I'm trying to do and try many places and things. It’s hard.

My Frolic was real fun. My date was a gentleman. We danced a lot and ate and ate! When I get the Frolic pictures in, you’re definitely getting one. OK? I think they'll be coming in next week. After the Frolic we went to a restaurant "Greggs" in Providence. We got home about 1:15 A.M. It was great because we were like one big happy family.

But all through the Frolic I was thinking of Ray. Is that bad? I mean you can't help how you feel. Can you understand me? Bruce is nice, but all I think of him is a friend. I never felt so strongly about someone, except this kid Miguel.

Maybe it's puppy love, but what ever it is, it's weird. I know I'm young, I know. But it’s weird. When a five year old says she loves someone, I believe her because it’s what she feels. I believe it’s not like that for all, but you've just got to be mature and understand things. That's all.

So what is going on in your life? Plan on going on a hot vacation, or just have a peaceful Summer at home?

I went to Newport, Rhode Island yesterday. The season is just starting when tourists arrive. It’s beautiful down there, gorgeous boats and sea scenery. The restaurants are terrific and have excellent seafood. You would love it! They have little ships like a colonial village with real brick sidewalks. They also have these nice Art Galleries.

Are you interested in Art? I am. That's strange, but instead of pictures of Rock stars and stuff, I've got all pictures of Art or photographs all over my room. Pictures express how I feel the most. My favorite artist is "John Waterhouse." They're not abstract pictures. He paints beautiful, magical, soft pictures. They're really nice. You should see them.

Well, the weather is so hot down here. But the wind helps cool things down. That's nice.

Well, I'll be going. I'm starved. I'm just gonna go eat, eat, eat, again. I love to eat. But I'm a skinny little thing, so I can splurge and pig out all I want. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal





26 May 1989

Dear Crystal,

Gee whiz, your letter of 23 May doesn't even sound like the Crystal of old! That makes me very happy because the gloom and doom bit can get to be a drag after a while. I'm glad you have kicked it.

I understand that you have been very busy so don't worry about the delay in writing me. You have more important things to do, and a term paper is usually the culmination of all that you have learned throughout the year. That's important! You didn't tell me what your paper was about. Is it a secret? I know that Tranh is writing about comics and that Kathy is writing about whales, but you haven't told me what you are writing about.

You are the first one to mention the Frolic. I was beginning to think it had been canceled or was a complete flop. I'm glad you had fun and that you went with Bruce. You probably made a lot of happy memories for both of you to cherish in the coming years. Yes, of course I would be delighted to receive some pictures of the Frolic happenings.

It is not altogether strange for a girl your age to be with one boy and be thinking of another or even several others. You should hold your options open at this time and not commit yourself to any long-term relationships. As my mother used to say, "Play the field." That doesn't mean to be promiscuous or free with your favors, it just means to get to know a lot of different young men. Not all of them will treat you the same way and you should shop around until you find one who will treat you nice and with the respect due a young lady.

Miguel is a new name you haven't mentioned before. You obviously don't need the advice I just gave you if you can mention Ray, Bruce, and Miguel in the same letter. Good for you girl! Just don't let it get too complicated or emotional okay?

My plans for the Summer are to avoid the heat as much as possible. I don't like heat! Unfortunately, the obligatory barbecue in the back yard must be given; to which I invite one or two friends. Or perhaps we will go to the beach (freshwater) on the military reservation at Clark's Hill this summer. We didn't make it last year because of the drought which had sunk the lake level about seventeen feet. The level is almost back to normal, 330 feet, and the beaches should be packed with picnic parties. My wife's friend has a nine-year old daughter who usually accompanies us. She is a lot of fun because she is always asking questions (she's sooo curious) and making jokes. Since my own daughter, Jean, no longer goes with us (she's too busy going out with her boyfriend), little Chung Suk (Korean) will be fine company. Her parents run a local convenience store up the hill from me and have to stay open 24-hours a day. They don't have time to take her to places like that.

And, of course, I will be doing a whole lot of writing. I have found an avocation which suits my talents and which gives me a great deal of pleasure. The wife doesn't think it's so hot because I'm not with her all the time and sometime she needs me around to bounce her conversations off of.

Yes, yes, I know! You're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition or start a paragraph with a conjunction. I think it expresses my ideas best this way, so I'm going to leave it. I wonder what Mr. Powers would say about that? Waddyathink? Maybe an "F" huh?

Yes, Newport, Rhode Island is a fabulous seaport and one of the oldest and richest vacation resorts on the East coast. I've only been there once in 1970 and that was only for a short time. I stopped off at the military airport to try to catch a hop to Virginia on space available. I did manage to catch a four-seater sub chaser that the pilot was taking to Norfolk, Virginia on a test flight. The military call it a shakedown flight and they put the plane through a variety of maneuvers to make sure it will stay together under stress. It stayed together pretty good but my stomach didn't fare as well. Fortunately, they had furnished me with a bag for just such an emergency. Oh well, I was begging for a ride so I couldn't be choosy could I?

Your sojourn in that city was undoubtedly more sedate and you had the leisure to enjoy yourself more. That's good!

No, I'm not an art connoisseur, never having been exposed to a great deal of that during my upbringing. I do know what is aesthetic to my eyes though and will not hesitate to express my opinion of something which offends. A book which I thoroughly enjoyed, The Agony and the Ecstasy, by Irving Stone, is the story of Michelangelo's life from childhood to death. That book relates all the trials and tribulations which he had to endure to create his art. It goes into such detail that I could almost picture each piece of work which he was commissioned to do. If you haven't read that book yet, please do and you will see what I mean. In my estimation, that book is to art, as the movie Amadeus is to Mozart and music.

I do like to watch William Alexander or a fellow named Bob Ross on television. They paint oil on canvas and give instruction on how to do it. Some of the pictures they produce in just 27 minutes are really fantastic. I get those shows on public television (PBS), on cablevision. I don't know if you have those shows in Rhode Island. Check your TV Guide and if you do, I think you would enjoy watching them work. They usually air on weekends.

Why do you call yourself a skinny little thing? The picture you sent me makes a lie out of that statement. Maybe you lost some weight since then. I'll be looking forward to your pictures of the Frolic.

Now I, too, am going to do what you said you were going to do at the end of your letter; eat. I've been writing all day and only had a cup of decaffeinated coffee and some creamed beef-on-toast this morning. It is now almost 6 P.M., and I like to watch the evening local news. So until next time, ta ta.

Your friend,

John






8 June, 1989

Dear John,

I just handed in my term paper to Mr. Powers today. It just took a big load off of me. My paper was about "Vietnamese Children." About their difficult lifestyle and stuff like that. I'm going for at least a "B" or above. I just got my poetry notebook back which was 50% of my grade, and I got an A+. I'm so proud of myself!!

I think I'm going to another school next year. Not because I'm moving, but, just because... I hate that place. I want to be in a place where you can be yourself, you know? I'd rather go to a school full of smart kids and stuff and without a bother. Nobody cares about anything around here. It's not that I have no friends or anything, because I have more than I can handle. But still, they just don't care. I want to learn and have fun. Nobody understands. Oh well!

Have you heard about the big situation going on in China; about the students and stuff? That's so sick. The students have a lot of guts to do what they do. That stupid communist government should have a sip of their own medicine. You know it's not fair for those people there. All they want is to be free, that's all! I don't blame them, if I was there I would fight too. Those armies just shot innocent victims, because they don't want to get knocked down. They’re just cowards. I hate them! It bugs me to death, that they can do something like that. Do you feel the same?

I want to be in a world where people can be carefree and be pleasant. Most people can't understand why a fourteen year old would want that, but you know all teenagers don't always think of partying all night long. Well... at least I don't. I like to have fun, but there comes a time when I'd like to be alone with myself and feel what I want, without people criticizing me. They just don't know. I have more sense than most people in this world. I can see what kind of person a person is and I can feel what they feel. I can be different with many people. They don't know the real me, that's all.

See how I have to fake myself to others? There's not one person I can tell this to. Writing to you is easy; it's like writing to someone deep in my thoughts, because I know I'll probably never see you. It's like a diary, except you’re alive and you respond. I can be myself.

Yes, I am a skinny thing. I'm 5'4" and I only weigh 106. Judge for yourself! I think I'm going to go into modeling. I used to before, for Fashion shows etc. no magazines and television, even though it would be nice. I think its real fun. I used to go to "Barbizon" modeling school in Providence. I want to get back into stuff like that. It's great and you meet lots of people. When I get some money I'm going to schedule a photo session at a studio.

I included pictures of me and Bruce at the Frolic, and one of myself. I didn't take any for myself, sorry. I look goofy, as I always do.

Well, it’s almost 8:00 P.M. The show "Unsolved Mysteries" is coming on the air. I like stuff like that. They're gonna have it on "UFO's" and "aliens," things like that. That interests me. I think about it a lot. I think a lot! Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal





16 June 1989

Dear Crystal,

Thanks for sending me the pictures of you and Bruce at the Frolic. You are a handsome couple. Of the girls I'm still writing to, you appear to have had the most fun at that dance. Either that or the others just don't think I'd be interested, so haven't elaborated on that event.

I too, have just recently taken some pictures and am sending you one of me which was taken in my back yard, in front of two plum trees. You'll note I have more hair on my face than on my head. That is a rapidly increasing phenomenon, so keep this treasure, as the next picture you see of me will probably be sans hair.

An A+ is as high a mark as you can get so you have every reason to be proud of yourself. I hope your Term paper does as well! You are quite right, Vietnamese children do have special problems to adjust to in addition to what the average teenager today must endure. For starters, your parents (or your mother, in your case) are probably still trying to assimilate into a new culture whereas you have been brought up into this culture. Your mother must fight to reconcile the differences in how you are brought up. I know whereof I speak, because my wife and daughter had to go through the same thing. Although they are Korean, the culture change still comes as a shock. My daughter has had to continually clash with my wife's beliefs because kids here are raised differently than in Korea. That has caused many arguments which I've had to officiate. Generally, we've managed to come to a compromise which we could live with. It hasn't been easy, though, and some heartaches have occurred over the years. It's rough on children and parents alike.

Getting back to the poetry, though, I'd be interested in receiving a sample of your work. If you feel strange, I'll go first. This poem was supposed to be published last January but the publisher skipped town and I am still trying to find him to bring legal action against him. I call it THE BARE TREE:

A forestry is beautiful, not many men deny;
A lone tree majestic, thrusting into the sky
Its many limbs of foliage, imparting to all
The crowning of all glories, and then comes Fall;
Leaves wither, fall and decay.
A pageantry of colors forms about the base.
Contrasting greatly with the slate grey,
Of the tree once so beautiful, now without face.
It's lived it's last years and seems to know,
As it bows to the wind, heavy with sorrow.

That is an old poem which I published in my high school newspaper in 1958. This was in Argentia, Newfoundland. I was the Editor of the paper and also co-president of the student council, so it was easy to get my own work published. The terrain at Argentia boasted a large forested area and I no doubt got the idea for that poem while gazing at it.

If you're going to change high schools, it's best you do it now. You will want to be with friends of long standing when you graduate as a Senior. We here in Georgia, don't have that opportunity if attending public schools. You must go to the school which serves everyone in your district. That is because of Civil Rights violations of the past. The only way to avoid this is to place the student in a private school. That is expensive!

So besides being bored at Lanier High School, your reasons for wanting to change schools couldn't be because Ray or Miguel are going to school in Providence, could it? Be honest now Crystal. You’re "Not because I'm moving, but, just because..." sounds like a cop out to me. Perhaps you truly do feel that the teaching standards at Lanier H.S. are not high enough. You say you want to go to a school full of smart kids who care. Maybe your parents could look into the feasibility of advanced schooling for you. It wouldn't hurt you to ask them. Especially if your grades are at the max now for the courses you are taking.

There is no magic formula for making our environment fit our mood. We must learn to make do with the environment in which we find ourselves. By saying "to hell with how other people perceive me," and being yourself, you might make a difference in the environment around you. For sure, you would be happier with
yourself. You're you, and you should not try to be what you are not. I suppose that is enough pontificating for one letter, so on to other subjects.

Indeed, I have heard about the drama unfolding in China as who hasn't? It is an event that I watched on television and with much hope that the students and great masses of common people would prevail over the government. Unfortunately, it is a
Communist government, and they rule the Army with an iron fist. The Army is what keeps the hard-liners in control. If the democratic leanings of the people are ever to succeed, they will have to get the Army behind them. One thing you should keep in mind, Communist have never given up power voluntarily. Blood will be spilled in vast quantities before a political change takes place in that government; so history tells us!

Modeling is difficult and, yes, I am surprised you did some before now. Why didn't you stay with it? You definitely are not skinny. Models cannot be fat, but I can't see where you have to worry about that. At 5 feet, 4 inches and 106 pounds, that's just about right for your age. Now if you were in your 20's, you could probably balloon out to about 118 lbs. and still be "right" looking for a modeling career. If you do manage to get back into modeling, be careful. There are some unscrupulous people who try to take advantage of young girls in that profession. I do wish you luck in that endeavor.

Unsolved Mysteries is also one of my favorite television shows. I like it when they have a follow up and have solved the Mystery; especially if it involves getting a vicious person behind bars. That's where all such persons belong. Our legal system has too many loop-holes that allow criminals to avoid punishment. The plea bargaining provisions are the worst thing we have on the books. Don't get me started on that one or I'll talk all night.

If you can recall the weather in my neck of the woods on this date, you will remember that it was quite agitated. We've been having thunder showers all morning and even lost the power while I was typing this letter on my computer. The system crashed and I lost some of the letter. Luckily I have a surge protector on my electrical system so the computer wasn't damaged. I just had to recall what I had written and retype it. I've saved about every other paragraph to disk, so that if that happens again, I won't have lost too much.

I guess I've bent your ear long enough. I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. I'm glad that you feel that you can talk to me Crystal. I like to write and if we stay honest with each other, our letters should never be dull. You are an intelligent and erudite person and a pleasure to correspond with; especially when you are not on the doom and gloom kick. Keep your spirits up!

Your friend,

John




20 June, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. Thanks for sending your picture. I didn't know you wore glasses. You have a nice yard full of trees and stuff, not like my yard, that looks like it’s full of weeds instead of flowers.

You say the few girls you are still writing to like Kathy and Tranh don't bring up the Frolic. The reason why is because they didn't go. Just thought you would want to know!

As for my poetry notebook, it wasn't made up of my own poems. You see, he gave us a whole packet of poems that we had to interpret and find a picture for. We had to say how we felt about each poem. But I do write some poetry. It's not as great as yours, but when I'm bored, I like to write little poems. Here's one of mine:
Being Alone
Being alone is just being with my dreams,
Having the world to myself as it seems,
Wondering about the world that I face;
Worrying about the problems to erase,
Listening to the music, which fills up the air,
Feeling my emotions with lots of care,
Letting my thoughts take over my mind,
To open up my feelings to see what I find,
Maybe a new world that grows with my dreams,
With the sun that tickles with each magic beam,
But that's being alone, alone with my dreams,
Just having the world to myself as it seems.

I wrote this one last year. Someone might not understand it, but if you've ever felt it before, it’s easier to know what the poet is trying to say. Understand?

Well, I think I'm going to have to be forced to attend another school, anyway. Lanier is in debt! It's true; Lanier might not be "Lanier" anymore. We might be a part of Pawtucket, Cumberland, or Lincoln. I mean as much as I don't like Lanier, it's still my home. And if this happens, it won't ever be the same. I'll keep you up to date.

Modeling is okay. Yes, it’s hard. A lot of money and time has to be put in, but I don't want to make a career out of it. Just for fun. I know what's involved, yes! School is over for me, and I hope I can start as soon as possible. Well, school doesn't end until June 22nd, but at least my exams are over.

Yes, I can understand how your wife and daughter fight, because me and my mom are the same way; constantly! How old is your daughter anyway? I wish I could do things without her criticizing me all the time. You know?

I still like Ray, but I think it’s better if he didn't know (I know that I like him).

I feel like going dancing. Its nice outside and I love warm nights; to just cruise around in a car with the music and a bunch of friends. See how I'm keeping my spirits up?

Your friend,

Crystal






22 June 1989

Dear Crystal,

The turn around time between my letter and your answer was real short this time. You must have answered me immediately. It was a pleasant surprise.

Yes indeed, I've had to wear glasses since 1984. I noticed the words started blurring in my Reader's Digest one day and it had become increasingly difficult for me to maintain my attention on what I was reading. I suspected my eyes were going bad but had no idea how bad until I saw the doctor. It seems I'm both near sighted and far sighted. I have to wear bifocals. I wore them up until last year and this year I got progressive bifocals...that is to say, there is no discernable line separating the two lenses, but they blend into one another.

I'm not happy with the fact that I have to wear glasses, but, what the hey, my eyes were 20 20 for forty-four years and served me well. I had an expert marksmanship medal for firing my rifle during my entire stint in the Army. If I must now wear glasses, so be it! I guess its part of getting older. The thing I don't like about it is that it is a progressive deterioration and I have to get new glasses every-other year or so. The doctor says this is normal but I will eventually reach a plateau where my eyesight will stabilize. I hope he's right.

As for my yard, yes, we do have a lot of trees and nice grass and a lot of garden space. I have some weeds amongst the grass blades though, so don't be fooled by the picture. Weeds are the bane of any homeowner and a constant battle is waged to suppress them. My property backs right up to a wooded area so we have little beasts (such as possums, squirrels, rabbits, snakes and various and sundry birds of all kinds) which enliven our lives all the time. The cats are forever bringing them home, dead and alive.

By now, you must have found out what grade you got for your Term paper. I hope it was a good grade. It is interesting that the poems were assigned and only your interpretation of them was to be graded. I don't know how fair that would be because not everyone interprets poetry the same way. As a matter of fact, there are some people that cannot understand poetry at all and would not get a fair grade, it seems to me.

I liked your poem in that it expresses pretty much the type of person you seem to be. You like to be introspective and are searching for answers to a lot of what puzzles you about your existence. Some of those answers can be found within, where you are looking. Some people call it the "id" or ego and cannot come to grips with reality until they learn to be comfortable with what they find. Some people turn to religion to find answers, others to cults.

All of us are searching for answers in one way or another. You can find answers in your fellow man/woman or just in the way that you live your life. A monk who joins the monastery or a nun who enters the convent is said to have a vocation. They have merely found what, for them, is the answer. For what it's worth, I think time will provide answers for you. You're on the right path if you are thinking of these things and you will find answers which will satisfy you.

Someone wrote to me awhile back to say Lanier was maybe going to consolidate with Pawtucket, but that deal had fallen through because of the intercity bickering. Now you say that this possibility still exist. I don't know the situation there so cannot give an informed opinion. It is possible that this would not be as bad a happening as you appear to think it is. I'll explain.

When I first came to Augusta in 1973, the population of the city and Richmond County (where I live) was below 50,000. For several years, there was talk of consolidating city and county governments to get a larger tax base, and so, larger matching funds from the federal government for development of the area. That's what it's all about, you see! I was against this consolidation because I didn't want to pay higher taxes. I even said so in a public forum (newspaper).

Last year and again this year, I have supported consolidation. The reason is simple. The population of the area has more than doubled and the industrial growth rate has been phenomenal. In order to keep providing good services to the larger population and to attract new businesses to the area, the city's borders must be expanded either through annexation or consolidation. Annexation has been tried and it turns neighbor against neighbor. Consolidation was voted on and approved by the majority of the voters in the city and county (both black and white). When the approved proposal was sent before the Justice Department, they denied consolidation. Apparently they have the final say in the matter, but it is being appealed.

I, and many another, have written to the papers, congressmen and Justice Department, expressing outrage that this action should be denied us after a majority of voters had voted for it. After all, the states are supposed to have the right to decide those issues themselves. The matter has yet to be settled in the courts.

If final approval is given, the county and city governments will have to be revamped so that only one government makes the decisions. A new mayor will have to be chosen by vote also.

How does your mayor feel about consolidating? Will it put him out of a job? Is he popular enough with the citizens of Lanier to be reelected mayor of a combined government? At times, consolidation can be desirable. Please do keep me informed on how this issue is being handled.

My daughter, Jean, is nineteen and going to college right now. At about your age, she too, wanted to be a model. Unfortunately, the training and other cost were beyond my means. I did pay for violin and piano instruction for her and even purchased one of each. She became quite good with the piano but lost interest after about three years. She hardly ever plays now. I'm hoping her interest will revive later, perhaps if she takes some art courses in college.

My wife and daughter "fight" less and less these days. They are coming to realize that keeping the lines of communication open and discussing their differences openly and quietly and learning to compromise from time to time, makes for a better understanding of the problems involved. If you and your mother can learn to do that, you will see how nice it can be at home. She doesn't want you to grow too fast and you are impatient to be your own boss. It is an age-old problem that parents must face with their teens. It helps if there is a little give and take on both sides. Some parents are reluctant to do that because they feel they will lose control of their kids. Someday, you will have children of your own and you will come to realize the wisdom of these words.

The mailman, woman in my case, cometh anon, so I must make haste to post this missive. I believe I've answered all your questions and imparted some words of wisdom in doing so. Please keep in touch.


Your friend,

John





27 June, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. I'm writing this letter really late at night. I'm watching Johnny Carson on T.V.

Thanks for the picture of your daughter. She's very pretty. By the way, what is she studying in college? Does she want to be a writer too?

Guess what? I got an A on my term paper! See, there were three separate grades where he graded us on. The mechanics, our presentation, and the paper itself, and I got three A's. Straight A's for my term paper. I was so happy. All weekend, I started off my summer really great!

There was a Portuguese Festival in Cumberland all weekend. I went all three days. It was great. There's a lot of Portuguese Festivals that go on in the summer time. I love them! They're like hang-outs and stuff where people get to go out and talk, have fun! I saw this cute kid there. I knew him from before, but he didn't remember, I guess. I didn't talk to him, but I plan to try to get in touch with him. He's the first person to get my mind off of "Ray." I'm so glad, because I get stuck on people really fast.

His name is Alfred. The last time I seen him was like about three years ago. I'm going to try to get in touch with him. That's another thing I'm happy about!

I'm trying to help my friend, Troung, look for her father. He left her when she was only a baby, so she's never known him. Do you have any suggestions for me? I really need help. I think she has the right to know where her father is, and who her father is. She is from Vietnam, but is partly Chinese. She's also Amerasian. When her father married her mom, he also had a family in New Jersey. He might have been divorced. She definitely knows he had a daughter. So how would I go about finding her father, or his other relatives? She's confused and holds a lot of hate for her father. She's hesitant when it comes to looking for her father. Maybe he doesn't even know about her. And if he's dead, shouldn't his daughter or other family members need to know he had a daughter and wife, which he left behind. Well, anyway...

Lanier is broke. A while back (around last year) there was a vote to regionalize Lanier and Pawtucket, but Pawtucket refused to. I don't blame Pawtucket. Why would they want to get dumped with our problems, right? I'll send newspaper clippings on Lanier when I find out more about this situation. It's usually in the papers a lot.

Our mayor, is a very nice man, but things in Lanier are not going too swell, so I think a lot of people are pointing their finger at him for our problems. So I will keep you up to date. Write back soon.

Your friend,

Crystal




6 July 1989

Dear Crystal,

Congratulations on the "triple" A you got for your Term Paper! That's terrific news, and well you should be proud of that accomplishment.

Jean is taking courses on microcomputers, pre-calculus and Social History this quarter. I think she will withdraw from the pre-calculus course though, because she is having trouble with the trigonometry leading up to it. I cannot help her there either because that is what stumped me. She had planned on majoring in Science but since that requires higher math, she will have to try for a business major. She may not be able to cut the mustard but if she sticks with it, I'll support her. If she has to drop out, I'd be willing to send her to a technical school for vocational training. The decision will be hers, and I think she will have to get off the fence after this quarter. We shall see!

Jean has not expressed any desire to write as a career. She did take journalism in high school and I think if she can maintain a grade point average high enough to stay in school, she may continue in that field. I will make no predictions about her one way or the other, however, because she seldom does what I expect her to do. I think she delights in astounding me.

I will assume that "______" is a Portuguese name then, and that you are going to those festivals with your father and his side of the family. They sound like great fun. Do you have them every year? Is that where you met Alfred originally? Cumberland is not so far from Lanier and there are a great many mixed nationalities in that area. I think that is what makes it such an interesting place to live. I know I will get an argument from you on that. Good luck in your efforts to reestablish contact with Alfred.

Speaking of reestablishing contacts, you have dealt me a tough hand to play! Your friend Troung will have a very difficult time finding her biological father from the information you have furnished me. She must get more information and she can only get that from her mother. Is her mother willing to cooperate in this matter? She may be opening old wounds better left closed. How will this affect her relationship with the man she now calls "daddy?" If Troung is aware of the consequences of her actions on those who love and support her now, and is still willing to try to find her natural father, she will need all or most of the following information:
1. Father's full name and place of birth (if known)
2. Branch of Service (Army, Navy, etc.)
3. Rank and Service Number or Social Security Number.
4. Unit to which he was assigned and MOS (military job).
5. Year and location her mother met her father.
6. Date she was born and was father present.
7. His DEROS date (date of estimated return from overseas).
Having this information (or as much as possible) will not necessarily guarantee she will be able to contact her father.

The U.S. Government passed a privacy act law which prohibits giving out another persons address by any means unless that person has given permission in writing. She can, however, write a request to her congressman asking that a letter be forwarded to her father if he can be found by the information furnished above. Her letter to her father would have to be in a self addressed, stamped envelope. His address, of course, would be blank. If the congressman can locate him, the letter will be forwarded to him. That does not guarantee that he will answer her; in all likelihood, he will not. If he is in fact, alive and can be located, he will more than likely have started another life and may not want to have it disrupted. On the other hand, he may welcome the news that his daughter is looking for him.

Tell Troung not to get her hopes too high about being able to contact her father. Her chances are not good.

A long shot for her to follow is that if she can get his full name and what state and city he is from, she may be able to contact him through the telephone information line, 1 (state area code)555 1212. The operator will ask her what city she wants and when Troung tells her, will connect her to the information operator for that city. She should then ask for him by name. There may be several people by that name so she should be prepared to pay a large telephone bill. There is the possibility he has no phone or is not listed (unlisted number) in which case, she can go no further. Maybe someone she talks to will be related or know of him and be able to help her.

It is really sad that Troung harbors hatred for the father she never knew. That hatred could warp her life. There is an old saying that "it takes two to tango," which she should consider. Her mother apparently entered into this relationship with her father willingly. Let us hope there was love there and not just lust. Perhaps mom hasn't told her the whole story and then again, maybe he did abandon mother and child. The only one who will be able to answer that question truthfully will be her mother and father.

Perhaps Troung should take into consideration the fact that Vietnam had been at war for forty years. This American GI was thirteen thousand miles away from what he called home and in a combat-torn country. I don't know the circumstances or conditions he had to endure. Maybe he was what we called a "rear echelon" troop or maybe he was a "grunt" out on some fire support base. For sure, he was lonely and maybe homesick or afraid. Maybe Troung's mother was able to assuage that somewhat by being his companion. I can tell you that there was more than one GI that turned to the women of Vietnam for answers. That don't necessarily make me proud of the American GI's over there but I can understand some of the pressures that they faced.

I hope that you can make use of this information Crystal. Again, I must ask you to make sure that Troung really wants to follow-up on this, because it will probably open up a whole can of worms which she doesn't want to know about. Be careful, both of you!

Yes, indeed! I should be glad to get copies of news articles about the happenings in and around Lanier. Of course, the mayor is in the catbird seat (slang for "on the spot") and almost anything that goes wrong with city government will be blamed on him; many times with good cause. Sometimes it is unavoidable though and he will just have to take the lumps. I hope he can do that with good grace.

Yesterday, I mailed the final payment for the editing of my book to Vantage Press. I should be getting the edited version back next week. I plan to make a copy of it and send it to a royalty publisher for printing. Hopefully, it will be accepted and printed before the year is too very much advanced. I'll keep you posted.

Write again soon.

Your friend,

John





13 July, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. I just came back from Virginia. We went for vacation for a few days. I went to Bush Gardens in Williamsburg, and also went to Water Country. We also stopped at Washington D.C. while we were driving there. It was fun. Troung came with us, so at least I got to hang out with a friend.

I enclosed a packet of articles about Lanier. They're very recent too. You can see all the trouble Lanier is in. Sorry it’s so sloppy. They want to do so many stupid things to Lanier. It's messed up as it is, why do more damage?

I'm not feeling that great. I've got a bad head cold. Now maybe after you read these articles, you'll believe me when I say all those negative things about Lanier, huh?

Well, I'm going job hunting still. I want to work at Dunkin Donuts. It seems that all my friends have jobs. I quit at Chuckwagon. I can't take that place.

I want to take journalism in school next year. My grades are best when they have something to do with English and writing. If I try I can do well. I understand why your daughter would want to take Science. It's an important subject. I like science too, except the math part. Math is my worst too. Well, I'll let you go to read the articles on Lanier. I need to rest. Write back soon. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal




15 July 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 13 July with the newspaper clippings about Lanier arrived today. I agree that the Providence Journal paints a bleak picture of the situation. It is a sad thing to see a place one remembers with such fondness, having such difficulties. Only the people will be able to solve those problems, and I'm fairly sure that, as the article states, the tax base must be expanded. To do that, the city will have to either consolidate with surrounding communities or annex additional properties. Raising taxes alone will not solve the problem because the population base is stagnant.

I got the edited copy of my manuscript back Thursday and am currently in the process of making the necessary corrections. When finished, I will send it to a Royalty Publisher for printing. Vantage Press sent me a list of publishers also.

I've run into a little problem that was called to my attention by Vantage. They suggest that since most of the student letters in the book are from teenagers, I might have to get their parents' permission before publishing. I didn't want to do it, but it looks like I'm going to have to disguise the letter writers’ names and drop home addresses (I'd already done the latter).

I will send the revised manuscript along with an introduction letter and maybe the news clippings you sent me, to the new publisher. Perhaps when he/she sees the correlation between my book and the news articles, it will be an added incentive for publication of my story.

You probably caught that nasty cold when you were traveling to Virginia. I used to catch colds all the time when I did a lot of traveling. I hope you are feeling better by the time you are reading this letter.

It's always nice if you can have a friend your own age along when you are going on vacation. I'm happy that Troung was able to go with you.

Speaking of Troung, you made no mention of the information I furnished you in my last letter, regarding methods she might use to find her father. I assume you passed that information on to her?

You may have waited too long to start searching for a new job. Usually, students start looking for summer employment about a month before school lets out for the summer (May). There may still be job openings for part time work someplace. There is usually a rapid turnover in service oriented jobs, so good luck.

I'm going to get back to making the corrections on my book, so pardon the short letter. It's for a good cause!

Your friend,

John



21 July, 1989


Dear John,

Hi. I'm glad you read the clippings that I sent you, because now I know you know how Lanier is. It is terrible and that's the way it’s going to be for a long time. Nobody wants to stay here anymore. My parents want to move away, but it’s hard to sell a house in Lanier now, because of the taxes and all. But I think we'll just buy a house somewhere else and rent this one out.

I'm glad your book will be coming out soon and that everything seems to be going smoothly. It's good that you won't be getting permission from all the parents of the kids, because it's true, it would take forever. I hope the articles do help.

As for Troung, she's made no effort in looking for her father. I have. I sent out my second letter to "Miss _____." Troung's father had a family living in New Jersey sixteen years ago. She had their address from a letter his daughter (_____) wrote him when he was in Vietnam. All she has is her old address, and that's who I've been writing to. No reply yet. I guess she just wants to be on her own. But don't you think she has the right to know? I mean he had a daughter and maybe others! I would need to know, to let them know. Imagine going down the street wondering if that person was my father's sons or daughters? And what about the other family? They don't know she even exists. They have a sister out there somewhere. That girl _____ doesn't even know she has a sister. I would want to know, wouldn't you? I get too much involved, but I think it's wrong to go on not knowing... can you understand?

As for the job hunting, I found one. I got to work on all the shifts with my friend Louise at ... "Dunkin Donuts!" There's so much I need to learn. I start tomorrow and I have no idea what I am doing! I'm so nervous! Well, I'll let you go now. Write soon. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal




26 July 1989

Dear Crystal,

I got your letter of 21 July today, while in the midst of converting all my diskette files from HomeWord to WordPerfect word processing programs. Believe me when I tell you that is a tedious job. The computer does most of the work, but you have to sit there and feed in line feeds and carriage returns in the appropriate places, which means constant reading of the screen also. My eyes feel like they have sandpaper under the lids.

I do like this word processing program much better though. The graphics are much better and easier on the eyes and the options are far superior to the HomeWord program. Of course, I have to break out the workbook and learn the application of the various functions offered. They say that this is the industry standard for word processors though, and I have noticed that more and more ads for secretaries in the paper are asking for persons with WordPerfect experience.

I hope you have gotten rid of that nasty cold you picked up in Virginia and are feeling better. By now you are probably raking in the money hand over fist at "Dunkin Donuts" huh? I hope it is a satisfactory job for you and that you are able to put aside some "fun" money and save a little for odds-and-ends you might need later. Will you be able to keep the job when you return to school next month? Please don't let it interfere with your schoolwork. Education should always be placed at the top of your list of priorities. With a good education, you will be able to ask for better starting salaries.

Typing of the edited manuscript was finished this past weekend and I rewrote the introduction to reflect the changes and added a few more pages. I packaged it and mailed it off to Little Brown & Co. of Boston, Massachusetts this past Monday. Now it's only a matter of waiting for results. I'm confident of success!

Thank you for clarifying Troung's name for me. You had mentioned her in several other letters but I could never be sure if it was a T or L that you were writing. I wonder why she has made no effort to follow through on locating her father. From the urgency of your entreaties on her behalf, I had thought it was important to her. If she doesn't place much importance on finding her dad, I'm wondering why you are going through so much trouble trying to find him.

As for the ethics of informing the daughter of her half-sisters’ existence, I would not be the one to judge. I told you in my last letter, that it is possible that the man has gotten on with his life and forgotten about Troung and her mother, possibly doesn’t even want to be reminded of it. As for the daughter and her mother and other children who may be involved, perhaps they wouldn't want to know or would even resent it. No one really knows how they will react to that information being thrust upon them. I'm wondering too, if perhaps you would be doing more harm than good by interfering in this matter. The only advice I can offer you at this time, is, let your conscience be your guide and should you continue, be prepared to take responsibility for your actions.

Kathy wrote to tell me about Susana going back to Portugal also. She seemed pretty broke up about it. After reprogramming my letters to her from HW to WP diskette, and re-reading them again, I noticed that Susana did say earlier this year that she would be returning to Portugal. I had asked her if it wasn't possible to discuss it with her mom, knowing how important staying at Lanier H.S. was to her, to see if she couldn't stay until high school was finished. That was my March 29th letter to her, and she never answered that one. It did come as a surprise to me. I noticed she said she was born in Rhode Island but moved to Portugal when she was five and then back to Rhode Island when she was nine. Now that she's fourteen, she must once again go back to Portugal and finish her education there. That is indeed sad. I hope you all try to stay in touch with her and offer her encouragement to continue writing.

Speaking of writing, I also noticed that Tranh hasn't answered my last letter of 20 June. Has anyone heard from her lately? She had said she was going to Hinesville, Georgia in July to get some stuff out of storage and possibly to visit her sister, Brenda. I'm wondering if she has returned. Maybe she's ticked-off at me for something. I hope she hasn't left the country too! If you or any of your friends see her, you might mention that I asked about her.

Gotta go for now. Enjoy what little time you have left on your summer vacation. Please do let me know when you are going to return to school. Have fun and bye for now.

Your friend,

John




30 July, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. It's still nice to know that your entire book is still going nicely. As for Lanier, I wish that it could go as greatly. There was a voting last week to put an incinerator in Lanier. Most people wanted the garbage incinerator because it would bring needed money to Lanier, but on the other hand, a lot didn't want one because it is a disgusting thing to put in a little square mile city. Why would you want the place you live in to be known as a garbage dump? Lanier has enough problems as it is, yet the money could help with some. Most voted to get the incinerator, so we are. Do you think it’s good?

No, I have not seen Tranh or Kathy. Tranh was one of my good friends in school, but her strict parents won't let her give out her phone number and she cannot call other people. Isn't that terrible? But if I do get in touch with her, I'll tell her that you’re waiting for her letter, okay?

Troung still doesn't put effort in her search for her father. I know I should not butt in other's business, but things like this, I can't help myself. I get so mad and frustrated when my friends aren't happy. How could anyone go through life like that? Not me!

Well, leaving Lanier High School is what I want to do this year. I want to meet new people and do different things. Everyone in Lanier stopped me from that all my life, but now I don't want to hear those voices, or see those faces that hurt me.
They never cared about me, about how I felt anyway. I need a change, a drastic change, and for the better! Don't worry I am responsible in my actions. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal





04 August 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your 30 July letter arrived in the post today. As has happened before, yours is indeed a welcomed letter. You are the mainstay of my correspondents in Lanier. I had been expecting others to answer me but to no avail. I can count on you answering on a timely basis though.

The incinerator for Lanier, can, as you say, provide a means for the city to get extra monies that it needs. I don't think it will produce enough income to make much difference in the lives of the average citizen of the city. To generate the kind of money needed, the tax base (taxable population) will have to be expanded, and that means consolidation or annexation of surrounding property. The only other alternative, it seems to me, is to raise taxes higher than they are and I don't think the people will stand for that.

If I owned property in Lanier which was near where the incinerator operations are to be conducted, I would be incensed over the decision (pardon the pun). It definitely will lower property values of the area. You don't mention anything about the clients who will be using the incinerator. I would assume that they will be coming from Pawtucket and Cumberland and other surrounding areas, and that the monies generated will come from fees charged to them for use of the burn facility. Were I the Mayor, if I were going to be dumped on (figuratively speaking), I would make the fee a large one.

I wrote to Tranh the same day I wrote you last, but have not received an answer yet. I know her parents are strict because she said something about having to help out in the store this summer and she mentioned some ungodly hours that they wanted her to work. She also said they wouldn't let her take a summer job. I'm very much afraid that they have forbidden her to write to me. That would be a great shame because she is such an articulate and talented girl and I did so enjoy writing to her.

This letter you wrote me is not the first time you have said that you wanted to leave Lanier High School and Lanier. Is that a definite possibility? Are you moving? If so, where will you move to, Providence? I'm terribly sorry that you have been unhappy at Lanier H.S. and that others have been insensitive to your feelings.

I believe we have discussed that insensitivity in other letters and I thought we had agreed you were to try to be yourself and to hell with how others perceive you. It seemed to work for a little while. Your letters became cheerier and your outlook less bleak. No matter where you go, you are going to have to deal with bigots and people who are insensitive to your feelings. I firmly believe that if you are yourself and try to treat others as you want to be treated, and above all, give others a chance to get to know you as a person, you will make many more friends. Those who continue to belittle you or your nationality are beneath contempt and not worth a second thought, so ignore them.

You have a rage within you which comes to the surface of your letter writing from time to time. I can tell that you have been badly hurt. I wish it were within my power to assuage that hurt and make you a whole person again. That's what is happening, you know? Your rage is affecting your actions and they are alienating those around you who are trying to get close to you and understand. All of us have within us a desire for acceptance from our peers. Not all of our peers are worthy of our friendship. If we can be but honest with ourselves and those around us we wish to cultivate as friends, and ignore all others, we will have those around us who can enrich our lives and make it better.

I hope by the time you get this letter, your spirits are brighter and things are looking more positive for you. You haven't mentioned any boys in your last several letters. Could that be a reason for your return to the gloomy side of life?

Monday, 7 August, will be two weeks that the publisher has had my book for consideration. That's a good sign, don't you think? The longer he has it, the more consideration he will give it. I did enclose the newspaper clippings you sent me so that he would get a feel for the changes which have occurred over the years. Then too, Little, Brown & Co., is a Massachusetts publisher and since Lanier is in that neck of the woods, they are more likely to look upon the story as topical and relevant to the locale of the letter writers (you). Keep your fingers crossed!

Your friend,


John




10 August, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. The weather we are having here is absolutely gorgeous! Hopefully it lasts. It's gotten me into doing things. I'm sorry that not many people are still keeping in touch with you. I guess everyone is just too busy with the summer and all, and they're all wrapped up in themselves.

The good thing about me is that I'll always be here for anybody, and if my days are filled, I can always find time sooner or later to write or call. I don't care if I was a famous star and I was busy 24s hours a day, I would write you!

Yes, I've been trying to contact Tranh, everyone is, but she hasn't written anyone who's written her! Maybe her parents have something to do with this problem. I wouldn't be surprised. She is a very talented person and one of the smartest people I've ever met. I hope to see her soon.

Well, about Lanier High School, it's just a nothing to me. We are looking for a house. I myself want to move, maybe somewhere in Cumberland. My father wants Portsmouth. Everyone else is confused! If we do move, I hope it is soon. I can't take this place anymore.

Haven't any of your other correspondents brought up the subject of unhappiness at Lanier High School? I'm also terribly sorry that I'm unhappy here, but mostly sorry for the people who have made me feel this way.


You are exactly right when you say that I have been badly hurt (emotionally), I have. I cannot seem to trust people, especially adults. For some reason I don't know why; I can't let myself open up to them. I can mix with people socially sometimes, but me, I am different. I feel more comfortable with people if I just sit back and study them.

I am an observer. I watch people to understand them. I guess they will never know the real Crystal because I won't be able to let them.

Maybe the poems I have enclosed will give you a better understanding of me. They were written by a girl by the name of Vivienne Loomis. She wrote them at the age of fourteen. She committed suicide on December 21, 1973. At that age, she's not put under the category of a great poet or anything, but she is, in my book. It's a shame that not much is said of her. She reminds me of me. She never found what she was looking for and I fear that I won't either.

It's nice I have you to write to, because as I said before, you are not a person who I have to face everyday!

I guess no matter how much I try there will always be a part of me that just won't budge. I hope these poems can help you know how I feel because when my other friends read them they don't understand how true they are. They just nod and say, "Yeah, right," and then look at me funny. I could write on and on about this, but I won't.

Sorry for dragging you in like this again. Sometimes my pen won't stop, especially when my emotion take over!

Okay, as for boys, there is one! His name is Marco. He's fifteen. I'm seeing him. I'm not sure how long this will last, probably not long! I do have confidence in it, but something's wrong; I don't know what it is. I usually have a very strong instinct about these things. Maybe I'm wrong. Don't worry, I'll keep you up-to-date next time I write you. I met him at Dunkin Donuts (in case you were wondering). So I guess I am getting better in being brighter. I'll try not to show my gloomy mood around others. The last thing I want to do is to make everyone around me feel the same way. I don't want my feelings to reflect on theirs.

Sorry, it's just that sometimes I keep lots of things inside and it breaks out when I face them. When I write, they seem to want to control me.

I went to Providence yesterday and there's these two places called "Pyramid Books" and the other is called, "The Silver Dragon." They have books on unknown things, mystical and magical and mysterious things. They are so beautiful. They are full of crystals and all sorts of magical things; all about psychic powers, pyramids, the power of crystals, meditation, witches, channeling to other lives, talking to the dead. It's odd, but when I was at "Pyramid Books," walking around, it was quiet and the only thing in the air was the beautiful meditation music. It
gave me a good feeling inside and I felt peaceful. I think I want to get into meditation. A lot of people say it works. I think so. If it makes me happy, I will.

I just want to write and write! I wish I could, but I'm sure you have things to do and my hand needs a real rest. It hurts!

Well, bye! Write soon.

Your friend,

Crystal

(the following two poems were enclosed - jeh)
TAKE MY HAND
by Vivenne Loomis
Take my hand in your hand and walk me through a lifetime;
Walk me over a bridge of observation,
With me, wade through a pool of knowledge.
Together we would climb through a tree of communication,
We would walk over a mountain of discovery,
Then walk me over a field of honesty,
Walk me down a silent path of thought,
At the end of our walk, we will find ourselves in a valley of friends.
Together we will understand a lifetime of love.
So-take my hand in yours and walk me through a lifetime.

(untitled, but by the same author)
My mind is like a cool, shady nook,
A place where I can retreat or hide,
When I need to be alone.
You cannot push your way in,
Shove your way in,
Force your way in.
You can't come in unless I invite you.
But if I do...
You can come in.




17 August 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 10 August arrived by post just as I was putting the finishing touches on a letter to Tranh. I had hoped to get that letter off in the mail before the mailman (woman, in my case) arrived, but she was fast today. So this letter and
Tranh's letter should both go out in the mail tomorrow.

Yes, indeed, I did get a long letter from Tranh and she explained the reason for the delay. As you surmised, her parents are strict and she has had to help them with the running of the store. She is having a great deal of difficulty with the parent/daughter relationship, and, as a matter of fact, has much the same problems as you in that regard. As we have discussed, teens are trying to assert their independence and parents don't want to lose control of their children. The problem is compounded when the teen is raised in an American culture and the parent(s) is from a different culture. You, especially, should know what I'm talking about because we've discussed this before.

I won't go into details because what Tranh has told me is between her and I, and I don't want to break that trust. Neither would I break my trust with you by telling another what you have confided in me. I would ask you though, since your parental problems are similar, and since you obviously consider her a friend, try to help her through these difficult times when you start school next month. She will probably have more time to spend with friends then than she has now.
\
You're trying to confuse me aren't you Crystal? In one of your last letters you said you were going to try to re-establish contact with one "Alfred" whom you had known before. Now, in this letter, you throw a new name, "Marco" at me. Whatever happened to Alfred? Sounds to me like you're taking my advice "to play the field" quite literally. That's okay, just don't get burned! And trust your instincts also Crystal; remember what I told you about that.

You are indeed an introspective girl! There is nothing strange about that. The word has been in the dictionary for a long time because that type of person is abundant and necessary to change in our world. The thinkers of this world are the ones who are the most inventive and bring about the most change. Of course it is the extrovert who generally develops the inventions of the introverts. So you see both types of person are necessary for development; sort of like "Ying and Yang." Now there's something for you to think about, should you pursue your examination of the meditative process.

Meditation by itself can be very relaxing and clear the mind for the tasks one must face on a day to day basis. Shirley McLain is heavy into that and has even written a book about it. You might consider getting it from your public library. I don't remember the title offhand. Be careful that you don't go off on a tangent and get into something over your head though. Satanic worship or devil worship and other oddball cults have been known to flourish when people start believing in them. Be sure you know what you are getting into.

Now let's get into the poems you sent me! It is sad that Vivienne Loomis killed herself at such an early age. As you say, she never found what she was looking for. It is sad for two reasons, first she didn't know what she was looking for and second, she didn't give herself enough time to find it even if she would have known. Yes, she was talented! Had she chosen to stay among the living, there is no telling what joy she may have given to others. Her quest is not a strange one, and, yes, I believe you are on a similar quest for answers or guidance.

Guidance and solitude seem to be the essence of the two poems Vivienne wrote. She ask an omnipotent being (God?) to "take my hand" (guide me?) and lead her through life, letting her see all; exposing her to knowledge, discovery and honesty in all things. It is through these "paths" that she hopes to understand the love of all things. The vision she had was truly a noble one, but one seldom achieved. If you, too, are feeling much the same way as she, and I don't doubt you are because you say so, then don't feel you are any different than I or another.

Many, if not all, boys and girls, go through a period of introspection where they question their presence and place in the scheme of the universe. I did it, Vivienne did it, and you too are doing it. Vivienne quit before finding any answers. I am soon to be fifty years old, and I still haven't found all the answers. So where does that leave you Crystal? Are you going to quit also? Let me tell you here and now, I may not have found all the answers, but on the whole, I've sure had an interesting life while looking. Hang in there girl, it's worth it, you'll see! It seems to me we've had a similar discussion before but it was approached from a different angle. Am I mistaken?

Keep me apprised of any decisions that are made about moving. I will need to know where I can write you if you do move. There is one or two others who have bad-mouthed Lanier also, but by the same token, I've had some tell me that they wouldn't want to live anyplace else. It just goes to prove that everyone sees things through different eyes and not everyone is going to be satisfied with what they see.

'Nuff said for now Crystal. It's late and I want to get some shut-eye. G'nite.

Your friend,

John



August 23, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. I received your letter and I'm glad to hear that you heard from Tranh. I thought her parents had something to do with her not writing you. I really hate that. I really hate parents like that. My mom is like that most of the time, but she's getting better, she's not as strict as before. That's bad for us. I'd really like to tell my mom about boys and of my life, but if I do, she'll kill me! I can't, she doesn't understand. There's just a bad line of communication between me and my mom. Actually there's bad communication between me and the whole family!

I think this year I'll be talking to Tranh more and more. I won't be attending another school. My mom's changed her mind about letting me go. Well, I've thought about it and I guess I can try. What else do I have to lose?

I'm sorry if I'm confusing you, John, about the boys. Let's see all of the boys I've mentioned through our letters: There was: Ray, Miguel, Bruce (but I didn't like Bruce), Alfred, Bobby, and Marco. Wow! I never realized how many people I've had interests in during the last year. I never thought about it. But I'm young and I'm destined to find the perfect person! Hmmmm, I wonder who the next one will be! I still like Marco.

Yes, I guess I could call myself an "introspective" person. It's true; I just wish there were more of us! If they're here, then where! I'm still looking! Why can't they just all be honest about it? I want people to talk to me, to tell me what you are thinking or what you're feeling. I can understand. But nobody seems to care for those things anymore. Everything seems so fake. Nobody opens up anymore. That's what I miss.

Yes, it's sad for Vivienne Loomis, I know. I'm glad you can see and take time to study those poems I sent you by Vivienne. That's why I like writing you. You can point out things that are important that others can't see. And that's what I can see.

No, I don't want to quit on life, but sometimes it's just got to slow down for me so I can catch up. Sometimes it gets down to the point where I get really depressed, and I'm exhausted, tired, confused and hurt and I can't help but think of bad thoughts.

I'm really aware of the period of "introspection" that all teens go through. I know others feel the same way sometimes, because I talk with my friends about it sometimes, but I still feel different and have this feeling in my heart and mind that I just know I'm different.

Hopefully you are right about things. Thanks for being one that understands what I'm saying (most of the time) and especially thank you for not laughing at my thoughts and talking to me like I'm a nut case, like the rest do.

By the way, I turned fifteen on August 2nd. I forgot to mention it in my last letter. I don't want you to think I was fourteen all year around!! Just thought you should know.

Bye!!

Your friend,

Crystal





31 August, 1989

Dear Crystal,

A belated "Happy Birthday" to you young lady! I wish you had told me earlier, the card would have been sent in time. Of course, I realize that time marches on and is stayed for no man. The inexorable advancement of time catches all of us and makes us older. For you, that is an event which you look forward to now, but all too soon, you will be wishing those birthdays didn't roll around so fast. I know! I speak from a lofty pinnacle of nigh unto half a century! Would that I could hold up my hand and say "slow down time," and such would be the case. But that wouldn't be fair to you younger people, seeking to become adults now, would it? I think God, in his infinite wisdom, planned it that way, so us old folk can move on, and make room for you youngsters.

I'm happy to hear that there is some advancement on your ability to communicate with your mother. I know it's difficult for you and there is no guarantee that you will not have more disagreements in the future. Unfortunately, that has always been the way between parents and their offspring. I can tell you that if you keep your lines of communications open with her, it will get better as you get older. Along those lines, I cut out a cartoon, "Hagar the Horrible", in last Sunday's paper, which is apropos to the situation, only its father and son instead of father and daughter. As you can see, that situation is not unique to you only, but a universal problem all teens must face.

Yes indeed, there were that many young men you mentioned in our letters since January of this year. See, even you didn't know you were doing so good in the romance department, huh? Well, perhaps "romance" isn't the correct word, but you know what I mean. That's good though! If the interest was reciprocal, at least you must be doing something right and that can't be all bad. You've got to stop looking for the "perfect person" though. There is no such animal! All of us have faults, and learning to admire or love someone, despite their faults, is an attribute we must learn to cultivate. Too often in marriage, people try to change each other to what they think is a "perfect mate," and that is usually why they end up getting divorced.

In Argentia, Newfoundland, in 1958, I had a friend who used to bowl with me on the teenage league we had. I thought we were pretty close friends and we shared a lot of interest. One day though, we were playing records in his room and just gabbing about things in general. He asked me what I thought of him. I was a bit embarrassed and tried to evade the question, but he persisted. The guy had a great personality and seemed to have a lot of friends. But I thought he was pushy and the personality he put forth to the world, was a facade he used to hide feelings of insecurity. I should never have told him that, even if it was what I thought, but his insistence on an answer, made me tell him. I lost a good friend that day, and all because I wanted to be honest. If there is a moral in this story, it is that honesty isn't always the best policy. Minor faults should be overlooked because we all have them. So ask me why I told you that! I don't know, unless it's to warn you to expect imperfections in others.

Crystal, I hope you never lose that feeling of being different! We are each and every one of us, different. That's what makes meeting others so interesting. We can learn what is different about each other. Along the way, we can discover some things we have in common, and what we can bring to a friendship. They can be thoughts, or feelings, or material things. All these things together, enhance our knowledge of each other and the world we share. If we could all bring a sense of curiosity to our everyday lives, life would always be interesting.

It's getting late here now actually it is 0045 A.M., 1 September. I've got a full day ahead of me today. When I get up (if I ever get to bed), I must go to the post office and get a roll of stamps so that I can mail this letter and a stack of bills I wrote checks for last night. After that, I have to take my wife, Mija, to the dentist for a 10:15 appointment. If she feels okay after that visit, we will go to the commissary store at Fort Gordon and shop for groceries. Later in the day, Jean's car should be ready to be picked up from the Mazda dealership. It had to go in for some repairs.

Now that you know what my day is going to be like, I'll say goodnight. I know you will understand my abrupt departure.

Your friend,

John




Sept.5, 1989

Dear John,


Hi! Thanks a lot for your card, I liked it a lot. So when will your birthday be? I need to know that too. I guess I'm glad I'm getting older, but in a way, I don't want to get older; just old enough to drive a car and etc. What I want to do is just learn about all kinds of things. I'm gonna read a lot this year, and write.

Yes, I'm still trying to talk and communicate with my mom. It's so hard! Why does it have to be so hard! She makes me so angry and then I'm filled with hurt and frustration. I shouldn't have to go through so much to make her understand. I think I'm mature enough to handle things on my own. What I don't understand about parents is that they treat you like your still seven, but then put adult responsibilities on you! Why can't they make up their minds? It would be easier if they treated you like an adult, and then give you little responsibilities! Wouldn't that be a treat!?? No, I just want some respect. If I know I can handle it, why don't they let me? If they raised me to become a good person, shouldn't they put some trust in me? I don't think I really want to have kids, anymore. It's too exhausting, I guess, for both the parents and kids! Forget it!

Thanks, for the little story about honesty. I can understand what you're trying to say. I know it could wreck things up. Believe me! But it is important to me. I just don't want them to hold things back. If keeping things inside is gonna hurt you, then you should let them out. I would want someone to do that.

Now, about the boys, I still like Marco; for some reason, I do. I just get a queasy feeling around him. That's how I know I still do. I haven't had an interest in anybody else in particular, but when I do, you'll definitely be one of the first to know. I guess finding the perfect person is a little impossible, but I want to find someone who I can be friends and have the same interest with; someone who can understand me. If I find that person, I'll marry him right away!

Being different is good, but sometimes it always seems to me that I'm looking from the outside in. I don't feel I belong here. I'm so out of place. Nobody knows that I feel this way. When people start accepting others feelings, that's when I'll start trusting. I'll always be here for people to tell me their problems. I'll help them and make them feel special and important. I like that. But if they don't, I won't either. And that's that.

So John, school starts tomorrow. Hopefully it's a good year. I want to be smart and read, and write about everything! I've never had such an eagerness to learn before! That's good though.

I started a new diary. It's gonna be real creative and full of everything. My whole world will be contained in its pages. Well, I have to get ready for work so I'll be on my way... Bye John!

Thanks again,

Crystal






7 September, 1989

Dear Crystal,

You're welcome for the birthday card Crystal, I'm just sorry it was late. As for my birthday, it is the Ides of March, 1940, and, as I've said before, I will be at the half century mark on this next anniversary. All will be revealed in my book when it is published. I will be sending you a copy and most of the mystery of my existence will become known to you at that time (more on that later in this letter).

Have you seen the play or movie, Peter Pan? I saw it with my grandmother in 1956, in Providence, Rhode Island. It was performed on ice by the Ice Follies troupe of actors/skaters. It really was a phenomenal performance, and one which I shall always remember. What brought that to mind was your saying that "I guess I'm glad I'm getting older, but in a way I don't want to get older." That's how Peter Pan felt! He didn't want to grow-up either. Of course it is a magical play and he is the perennial youth who never grows up.

That ambivalent feeling about growing older is universal, and comes from the reluctance of youth to assume the burdens and responsibilities of adulthood. Everyone goes through this period, and I believe that's what is happening to you also! It is part of the process of maturing and when youth is willing to accept those burdens and responsibilities, he/she casts away forever their youthfulness, and become adults.

Your statement of "Just old enough to drive a car and etc...," speaks volumes, especially the etc. Driving a car and etc... is not the be all, and end all, of existence. You would not stop getting older at that point nor would you become wiser.

I must plead guilty also, to much of what you say your parents are doing (and by that, I guess you mean your mom, because you don't mention your dad). Most parents do give their children a lot of responsibilities and not the attendant trust to carry them out. I too, made that mistake with my daughter. I never said I was perfect, and most parents aren't! In hindsight, I can see those mistakes I made in bringing up my daughter, and if I had it to do over, I would do it differently perhaps. But most of my mistakes were done out of love; not wanting to see your child get hurt, is a strong factor. Children learn by making mistakes and parents must let them make those mistakes in many instances, so that they can learn. But that is harder than you know, for a parent to do. Someday, perhaps, you will have to make that kind of a parental decision. I hope when that day comes, you will have the strength to make the right choice.

You started back to school on the 6th. Exciting times, that! Did you meet any new friends? Does Marco go to Lanier High also? What are you taking this year? Are you going to work a part time job after school? Nosy aren't I? Don't feel that just because I asked, you have to answer. It may be none of my business, and if you choose not to answer, I'll understand. It's just my nature to ask a lot of questions.

Some exciting things have happened to me! I heard from my "absolutely" best friend who went to school with me there in Lanier in 1956-1957. His name is Frank, and he is now working in a bank in Cranston. He was a policeman in Lanier in 1970; that's when I called his home (he wasn't there, but I talked to his wife) while on leave between assignments. I was in the Army then. Anyway, Frank told the long distance operator it was an emergency, and got her to call me and give me his telephone number so that I could call him back. We chatted for a while on the phone and I wrote him a nine page letter earlier this week. He should reply soon, I hope.

I used to go to Frank's house and sometimes we'd go upstairs in the attic where he would tie fishing flies to sell. That was delicate work, but he was good at it. Mostly, I remember that sometimes while I was there, his mom would call us down to eat breakfast or dinner or supper, depending on what time it was. She treated me like a member of the family. She could really cook! The food I most remember her fixing is "ga-rump-kies" (no, I'm not sure of the spelling, that is the phonetic spelling) which is stuffed cabbage, a Polish dish.

Little, Brown & Co. rejected my book. I guess they didn't want to take a chance on an unknown author. That's okay though, I expected some rejections. Last Sunday, I was reading about this one guy who wrote a book and had fourteen rejections before it was published. The first year, it sold 23,000, the next 57,000 and last year 560,000 copies with over 170,000 copies back ordered. It's a best seller for him, and if he would have given up after the first few rejections, he would never have known success.

I repackaged the book and sent it to another publisher. I have also made another copy which I plan to mail to another publisher. This way, I will have two copies in circulation to different publishers, and so, will enhance my chances of getting published faster, or rejected faster. I don't discourage easy though. Along with that second book, I had planned to add some additional letters and pictures, pictures of some of the places I mentioned in the book. To that end, I sent someone some money for film and instructions as to what pictures I wanted taken. This was on 22 July. So far the pictures have not arrived and I'm a bit nonplused as to why. I wrote to ask for an explanation, and should hear something by Monday, 11 September. If I don't, would you be willing to take on that task? Would you have the time? If you can, please let me know and if I haven't heard from the girl by Monday, I'll send you the money and instructions.

I too, hope you have a good year at school this year, and that you are able to make new friends and have some fun also. It's a good sign that you are eager to return and anxious to learn new things. Please don't get discouraged if some people have difficulty understanding you. You will make your own mark on society someday, I'm sure of it. You're a very bright young lady and you have a good future waiting for you. Remember what I said about bigots, they abound in all societies, and when you encounter them, just ignore them if you can. They are unimportant and small minded.

I worried before, and I worry now, when you mention your new diary and what you intend to put in it. Remember what I said before about committing your thoughts and feelings to paper. Someday, someone may see those pages, someone whom you had no intention of letting see your innermost "self." That could prove embarrassing! You should always write as if your words were going to be read by strangers. Don't say anything which might be shameful to you, were it to become known.

The temptation to bare one's soul in writing is the essence of what can make a good writer. To do that, though, leaves one very exposed and subject to ridicule. If you don't feel you are strong enough to withstand this kind of pressures, think twice before you put your words on paper. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't keep a diary, I'm saying be mindful of what you put in it. With that admonition, 'nuff said!

Answer right away if you can, because upon your answer, rest the fate of the second copy of my book, which I want to get pictures for and get it off to a new publisher. Thanks!

Your friend,

John

P.S. I noticed your pretty stamp on the envelope. You must pick those stamps out especially at the post office, huh?



September 11, 1989

Dear John,

Hi. It is terribly hot here. Very humid! Just when I thought fall was on its way! Hopefully it gets cooler. Fall is one of the best seasons for me.

Yes, I did see Peter Pan, but that was awhile ago. I remember I really liked it though. I remember the characters and the whole idea of the movie. It’s true; its how I feel. Very good John! You've pin-pointed it again! Why is it you can see things that so many can't, even things so simple?

I know getting older is all a part of life, so I guess I should just face it, I'm gonna have to sooner or later anyway! I'm not gonna enjoy it all that much though! Getting wiser in time is what I want. But I think I am wise. I know so much more about life than most kids my age! Getting wiser will be a treat!

You're right, parents are not perfect, not anybody is perfect. That's why I'm backing out on having kids. I don't think I could hack it, if my daughter turned out as stubborn as I am! Well, I guess what ever happens, will happen, right? I don't think I'd want to repeat the cycle in my family of arguing mothers and daughters!

So...you need pictures taken? Is that what you want me to do or do you want me to find a photographer to take pictures for you? I'll be glad to do what you want me to do, if it is for your book. Just explain to me what, okay? Don't worry on the rejections, I'm glad that your not! You've got to get that book published. You deserve that much, after all the work and everything you've put into it. Something will happen soon! Keep me in touch with what's up in the book, I can't wait to read it. Who would think a book about our little Lanier would be made? It makes me feel a lot better, because it makes Lanier seem important, and not as useless. I'm glad!

I'm glad you got in touch with your friend! That's exciting! How did that come about? Do you guys still have much in common from before? That would seem so strange to me. So the last time you seen him was in school? Did you ever attend your high school reunions? Tell me more about it next time you hear from him. Sometimes I wish I could find best friends I had when I was little. I still remember them all. They probably don't even remember me or even think of me. I've only had one best friend since I was about four and she still is. Isn't that amazing! Her name is Louise. We'll always be best friends. She's one of the very few who likes and accepts me for me. I also have close friends who are like my best friend Troung. I'm, gonna try to hang on to them forever. It’s very hard to find trusting friends like them. We hang-out and stuff together like you and Frank did. We also hang sometimes in Louise's attic and we pig-out, read magazines, talk, and check out boys outside. Sounds weird, but times like that are the best with friends. By the way I also love "ga-wump-kies." It's "ga-wump-kies" not "ga-rump-kies." My mom makes it occasionally and my uncle too. (I'm half Polish on my fathers side.) This past weekend, there was a Polish Picnic at the "Saint Joseph's Church" down my street. You would have had a feast there! It opens at 12:00 P.M.; at 12:00 A.M. Saturday and Sunday once a year in September. They have lots of Polish dishes and tons of "ga-wump-kies."

To answer your questions, I don't mind! I like questions. No, I did not meet any new friends, yet. The new kids are mostly in the younger grades. No, Marco does not go to Lanier. He goes to Cumberland High School. These are the classes I'm taking this year:
1. Algebra B
2. English "A"
3. French I
4. Gym/Study hall
5. Child Care I
6. Journalism I
7. Science "A"
(The "A" means top course)

English and Science are my favorite courses this year. The teachers are so cool. They know how to teach and that's what I like. I hate teachers who are mean and boring, they think that they're gonna make you learn like that. They expect us to be like robots and listen and do whatever they say! Don't they know that doesn't work? I wind up conking out before the class is over and I don't learn anything. Anyway, they should let us talk and get interested. If it's boring I'm not gonna want to learn.

Make it fun and worth something. You understand? My mom thinks it's the wrong way. I have no respect for people like that. I want to learn and when I can't, I get real frustrated. That's real important to me.

I think I'll be doing good this year, maybe more than good; GOOD. I remembered what you said about diaries. But I do write like I'm writing to a stranger. I write a lot about things in my life, and that's the only source I have right now to keep me happy until I can find trust. I can go to it anytime. It's my world and so is my room. People do not understand me! Sometimes I even have trouble understanding myself! You've warned me many times, but I don't know. Bigots are everywhere; don't they know how stupid they are? They make me sick to my stomach. They don't care and that gets to me, because I want so much for trust and communications to be part of my world and when I can't have it from everyone, it hurts. It's sad that they can't even do that much. They never take time to see and listen. What a waste!

I never thought I would turn out to be a person like I am now. I always was different and seemed to be on the outside looking in, but there was a time when I was younger that I used to make fun of people like me, now. I'm glad I'm not like that person anymore. I realize that I am into music, and dramatic theatre and dance; I'm into art and writing, reading, communication, peace, learning etc.. I'm always questioning human existence and feelings. I think all people are like that in their own way, but need to take time to find their inner-selves. That's what they don't understand or see. I hate that.

I'm not a "Pollyanna." But I'm happy with those things and doing those things. I wish I could tell the world this, but I can't because they won't accept me and just look at me strangely.

We have a journal in English class. I think I'm gonna repeat most of what I just wrote in it tomorrow. I'm so tired.

Bye.

Your friend

Crystal



18 September, 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your 11 September letter arrived today, and I enjoyed reading it very much. I'm also happy to see that you are taking journalism this year. You will be surprised how much that, and your English classes, will improve your writing abilities. Something which I've heard (and I don't remember who said it) will always make a good writer better, is, "if you want to be a writer, write!" You have developed your basic skills along the path to becoming a writer, now all you have to do is hone those skills, and a journalism class can do that for you. Another thing to keep in mind is that your end-goal doesn't have to be as a writer, but whatever career you choose, your writing skills will aid you.

I stand corrected on the "ga-wump-kies," but I told you I wasn't sure of the spelling, didn't I? I came close anyway! Yes indeed, that is a good dish. I tried to make some for a guest who was coming to supper one time. They came out good, but not as I remembered them. Frank's mother's ga-wump-kies have a special taste in my memories, and I doubt I will ever be able to make them like they tasted then!

The pictures I was expecting finally did arrive, so I guess I will not need for you to take any for me. Thanks for offering anyway. They are just some shots of places in Lanier that are mentioned in my book. I will send copies of them in to another publisher with the second copy of my book. They may or may not want to use them.

I suppose I should correct your impression of what the book is about. It's not specifically about Lanier, but about my life, and part of it takes place in Lanier during the 40's and 50's, when I lived there. There is also the interaction between myself and you students which takes place during our initial correspondence. There is enough about Lanier in the book to give you an idea of what the city and the people I knew have meant to me over the years. Yes, I do think it will give you more of a sense of pride in your city, especially if the book sells well in that area. This, I think, will happen, because publishers tend to blanket an area which is the locale of a book. Many other places I've lived in are also discussed though.

Yes, I too, enjoyed teachers who sought active participation from the students rather than just lecturing about the subject. Most of the teachers I remember today did have a lot of give and take with the students. Then too, the enthusiasm a teacher brings to the subject when presenting it can make a dull subject interesting.

I know you probably will not like the comparison I am about to make, but you remind me of a chrysalis. This is the shell which the caterpillar weaves about itself during one phase of it's metamorphosis towards becoming a butterfly. The chrysalis is hard and unappealing, but it protects something within which is vibrant and beautiful. One day, that chrysalis will crack and out will spill all the beauty which is you. For the present though, you have your defenses up, and when you become more self-assured, the shell will crack.

I make that comparison because you even surprise yourself in the changes which you have noticed taking place in your thinking. That is an ongoing process, and will happen many, many times in your life. As you learn more and more about the world and your place in it, and you become skilled in manipulating your environment to suit you, you will, I hope, be more tolerant of other's faults.

According to Frank, there isn't going to be a class reunion, per se, for this year. This is what he told me on the phone. I am still waiting for him to answer my letter of a week ago. It seems that not enough students from the class of '59 are interested in having a big to-do. He has suggested having a small get together at his house or another's house. I don't know as I would care to make a journey of that length for only a small gathering of classmates. I probably will not make it.

As for what we may have in common after all these years, I really don't think we would have very much in common because our lives have been too dissimilar. The only thing we still have in common that I know of, is the friendship we once shared those many long years ago. I don't belittle that though! Those memories were good ones, and now that I have his address and can write to him, we will bring each other up to date on what has happened in the intervening years. That ought to be an eye opener, huh?

Stay in touch with Louise and Troung and any other friends you may pick up over the years. You or they may someday move apart or travel in different circles, but you should always keep in contact with them so you will have someone to reminisce with in your old age. You might even be surprised how many of your "old" chums you had when you were "little," still remember you. Why don't you try to get in touch with them and see?

I'm going to go to the library and make copies of these pictures now, so I'll say bye for now. I loved hearing from you and hope you do it again soon.

Your friend,

John




October 2, 1989

Dear John,

I'm sorry that I haven't written to you in so long. I just haven't had any real time for myself. When I am alone, I'm usually sleeping or just being lazy. Having school and work, plus all these other things is flooding in my mind. Sometimes it's too much to handle. I just wish that there weren't so many pressures in life. It drives me crazy! All I want to do is lay back and get to know myself and the world and life, but if nobody lets me, I get frustrated and mad. Why won't they let me?

Sometimes people say that I'll get over this period in my life, but it seems endless. They tell me that I'll get over this, but I don't want to. Can't they see it's too important to just get over? I'm so mad. They tell me that I'll understand more when I'm older, but why can't they understand me now? Just because I'm young. I think I'm still more mature in mind than most grown ups. Maybe those grown ups will learn to grow up!

I like your comparison about the chrysalis. Sounds pretty good. Maybe it will happen, and soon I hope! I just hope that once I get flying out freely that someone doesn't squash me!

Well, as it turns out, Marco is so stupid! I thought he was such a great person, but he's not. I guess he could be, but he's so immature that it's so sick.

My friend Rebecca is going out with Alfred. She didn't know that I liked him, but that's fine. She didn't know and I think she likes him. She confuses me!

I don't like anyone at the moment, but I have my eye on this kid, Nathan. But I know how he is. He's like all other boys. You don't know if you can trust them or not.

So, as life goes on...I'm still very sad and happy at the same time. It's that I see so many beautiful things in the world and I want to do so much, but it's like there's something there that doesn't want me to touch any of those things. I hate that!

Well, I'm still so very tired and I'm going to go now. Bye.

Your friend,

Crystal





07 October, 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 2 October arrived yesterday. I didn't answer it right away, because I wanted to think about how to answer it without offending you. I still don't know if I can do that without damaging our friendship, but feel I must try for the sake of that friendship.

Many of your letters have shown me that you are often depressed. Believe me, you are going through a stage of life that all teens must pass through, but you seem to be affected more deeply than others. There have been times when your letters reflected optimism, but those times have been few and far between.

It is entirely possible that you have a chemical imbalance to the enzymes in your body. My wife, for many years, has had bouts of depression, loss of energy, and headaches. It wasn't until recently that our family doctor prescribed medication which has put those enzymes back in balance, and consequently, my wife's disposition and energy have returned, and the headaches have lessened. Could it be possible that you too, have this affliction? Don't scoff at the idea please! Young people have been known to suffer from this also, and as a matter of fact, Donahue recently had a show that highlighted this problem.

It might help you a great deal, to go to your family doctor and voice this suspicion. There are test he can perform which would determine for sure, if you have such a problem. It has been discovered that many teen suicides are a direct cause of this enzyme deficiency. The medication my wife takes is called Norpramin, but there are many other antidepressant medicines on the market, and your doctor may want to try them.

I value your friendship, Crystal, and I hope you don't hate me for suggesting this might be a cause of your depression. I had to bring it up, because I would hate myself if, having suspected this, I said nothing, only to learn later you had harmed yourself. It would be best for you to find out, and if you have to take medication, wouldn't it be worth it to feel better?

Trusting adults is hard for you to do at the moment. Part of that can be attributed to the phase you are going through, and as you age, that attitude will change. Others have told you this also, as I can see by your letter. It's true! That doesn't mean you have to "get over" it, it just means you should recognize it for what it is, a phase which will pass.

By now, you are probably saying "well, now I won't trust this SOB anymore." Please don't think like that Crystal. I only have your welfare in mind by telling you these things. I could be way off base also, but if I didn't tell you what I suspect, I wouldn't be much of a friend now, would I?

I told you that story about the chrysalis in hopes that it would cheer you up and give you something to look forward to in life. Your apprehension about being squashed by someone when you finally fly free, speaks volumes for the frame of mind you are in. I hope you take some positive action to change your outlook!

Let's have some positive thoughts here!

I will mail off the second copy of my book today, to a different publisher. I haven't heard anything from the publisher I sent the first copy to. At one time, I would have rejoiced in that, thinking the delay boded well for being published. Now, however, after the last rejection, I'm not so sure. I've added additional letters, pictures, and an epilogue to the book. If the first copy comes back rejected, I'll simply add the same items to it, and mail it off to another publisher also. That way, I'll always have two copies in circulation to various publishers. Sooner or later, someone will print the book, of that I'm certain.

I have to take Harry and Angel, my parakeets, to the vets next week to have their beaks and talons trimmed. We had to put them in separate cages this last week because Harry became ill and was pulling out his feathers. Angel was picking a bald spot on his head also.

Misty, my Siamese cat, usually mews loudly whenever she "kills" a sock or brassiere. She's a house cat, and only gets to practice on these and like items. She will drag it throughout the house, mewing the whole time, until someone takes notice of how great a hunter she is. She usually gets these items from the dirty clothes hamper. It can be embarrassing sometimes if we have company. She just "killed" a cucumber that my wife had brought in from the garden. That is a first for her!

I'll post this letter now. I hope I haven't alienated you by what I've said. Please consider the likelihood of this being at the root of your feelings, and see if your doctor can offer any help.

Your friend,

John





October 20, 1989
Friday

Dear John,

Hi. It's been awhile since I've written and I'm sorry for not responding more quickly, but you know the reasons.

No, I'm not affected by what you've told me about the "chemical imbalance of the enzymes." I'm glad that you’re concerned. I just don't think that's the problem. That's just me, and I don't think I like the idea of taking pills for it either. But thanks, because the only thing that I ask of you is to stay my friend. That's more important.

I want to be friends with all the world, but so many things prevent me from doing what I want to do, that's what makes me sad. When people don't want to be my friend that makes me sad too. So many things are tied up with my feelings. The only thing that is strange is that I know it's a process everyone goes through. I know that! I just seem to be affected more, your right. Like I said before, it's too complex to understand right away.

At this point, sometimes I thought of suicide. I've thought about it in my head and with friends. But I'm not that serious. I don't have the guts to, and I just wouldn't do that to my family. I wouldn't hurt myself, the point is, why does it seem others are hurting me?

Well, how have the publisher's been treating you? By the way, are you writing other things now? Or have you stopped for awhile until your book heads off? Well, good luck....Bye.

Crystal






26 October, 1989

Dear Crystal,

Your letter of 20 October arrived yesterday, but I had too many things going to take the time to answer it. It was nice getting another letter from you though. I'm happy that you haven't shut me out of your life because of what I've said. I will never deliberately say anything to hurt you. I too, want only to remain your friend. If you ever feel you have no one else to confide in, feel free to write to me and "get it off your chest." What you have to say to me will go no further. I'm not the blabber mouth type.

In one of my earlier letters to you, I mentioned that we were taking my parakeets, Harry and Angel to the vets to have their beaks and talons trimmed. We did that, and found out the birds should have been named Harry and Larry, or some other such male gender names. Seems Angel is not a she, but a he. He was young when we got him and I guess the pet store employee just guessed at the gender. We had asked for a female. Oh well, they have been getting along good together for over two years. We weren't planning on mating them anyway, so things will remain the same. We will probably still call him "Angel" though, out of force of habit, and he seems to respond to that name well, after all this time.

In regards to my book, I've received another rejection, but repackaged it with additional letters and pictures, and sent it to another publisher. I have two complete copies in circulation now. I don't discourage easily.

I have dabbled at writing a sequel to that book, which will take up the story in narrative form, from 1965 to present. I haven't gotten much beyond the first chapter though. It's as you surmise, I'm waiting to see how "My Life in Your Hands" is received by the reading public (if it ever gets published, that is!). As for writing in general, I still have a lot of people I correspond with on a regular basis. Those letters don't tell a story if taken individually, but if collected and read chronologically, could probably prove interesting.

I don't know if you are into philately, but you seem to send me a lot of letters which have unique stamps on them. You must go out of your way to ask for them at the post office. Joyce too, has interesting stamps. If you are a collector, you know that they increase in value once they have been cancelled by the post office. With that in mind, I've decided to send you the two envelopes. Note the difference in the cancellation stamp the post office used, even though both letters were sent on the afternoon of 23 October. If you're not collecting, please let me know and I won't send back any more envelopes.

I must check into the hospital on the 30th. On Halloween (31 October), the doctor will do a catherization on me. I've been experiencing some chest pains and it has been almost ten years since my last catherization, so the doctor wants to see what is happening to my heart. During that operation, a hollow tube (catheter) will be inserted in my femoral artery (groin), and threaded up into the chest wall and heart. Then an irradiated dye is squirted into the heart and an x-ray film is
made of its movement through the arteries. This way, they can tell where the blockages are. Depending on how severe the blockage is, they will determine whether to do angioplasty (expanding a balloon within the arteries to push the plaque back against the arterial walls, thus opening up the blockage), or another heart bypass. I hope it's not the latter, because that is the most dangerous and will require opening my chest again and stopping my heart while the bypass is performed and then restarting it. The old ticker may not take a jump start the second time around. Whichever way it works out, I'll keep you posted on what they are going to do before it's done. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Life is precious, you realize that more and more as time goes on. In the interim, you may get shat upon (that's the past participle of s__t, I think), but those events seem to fade from memory fairly rapidly. I'm not afraid of dying, but I sure as hell don't want to rush things any either. I have a few things pending that I want to see to fruition. I suppose it's in God's hands though, and he has been generous to me on a couple of occasions that I can think of off hand.

I'm going to keep my spirits up, no matter what happens. You too, should try to do the same. Until next time then,

Your friend,

John



18 December, 1989

Dear Crystal,

I really am sorry that I haven't written you since I got out of the hospital. I had thought I had written to you and was awaiting a reply. I've just now reviewed your disk, and spotted my omission. The last letter I wrote you was 26 October, in which I tell you about the impending operation. I've enclosed a copy to refresh your memory.

By now, you probably thought I had kicked the bucket. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The catherization showed that a triple bypass of the arteries in my heart was needed. I was transferred to the Veterans Administration hospital here in Augusta, and on the 6th of November, the operation was performed. I was on the table three hours longer than the doctors had expected (8 A.M. to 6 P.M.) due to the prior reorganization of my plumbing which I had done in 1979. The doctors finally did manage to straighten out the mess though, and I've come through with flying colors.

I am in phase II of the recovery process, which is daily calisthenics and walking. I really am feeling much better now and can get around a lot easier without gasping for breath every twenty steps. I still have some aches because the breast bone hasn't healed completely yet, but that should soon be a thing of the past. All in all, the operation went much smoother this time Around, than it did the first time (from my point of view anyway). The doctors told me this operation was riskier and that a third try at a bypass would be impossible. In other words, I gotta watch my diet (no fatty foods) and blood pressure (no salts) more closely than I have been doing. You can believe I'm going to do that!

When I got home from the hospital, I had a letter waiting for me from an old friend of yours, Susana ______. She is living with her father now in Portugal. The bad news is that she will have to repeat the ninth grade in school. This is because she had trouble readjusting to the language and didn't have any friends at first. She says that she now has friends and is picking up on the language much faster. I wrote to her and wished her luck and encouraged her to continue writing to me. I don't know if she will though. Have you heard from her yet?

I got rid of my parakeets, Harry and Angel after I came home. We bought two black-masked love birds instead. That was one of my wife's Christmas presents. We've decided to call them Lovey and Dovey. I don't know how original that may be, but it sounds cute anyway. I also bought a new bedroom set for my wife and me, and one for my daughter also. Wednesday, a new living room set will be arriving. My daughter's bedroom set really made her happy. It is the first new set she's ever had and it has a huge cedar-lined hope chest that sits at the foot of her bed and that can be locked. Her final Christmas present was call-waiting, which she had been begging me to get for about a year. Her birthday is 8 January, so I will have to think of something else to get her. I'm open to suggestions if you have any.

It is now eleven thirty, and the mailman should be coming soon. I am therefore going to cut this letter short and get it in the mail. Now that you know I'm still alive to befuddle mine enemies and confuse my friends, perhaps you will once again take up your pen and drop me a line. Until then, have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Your friend,

John




Dec. 19, 1989

Dear John,

It's been ages and ages since I've last written you! I'm so sorry! soooo sorry! My life has been so busy. I know that is not such a good excuse, but what other reason can I give for not writing you? I'm working so hard to straighten things out in my life. I'm trying to make money, get good grades, and make everyone happy; especially myself.

So how are you doing? Last that I had heard of you, you told me that you might have to undergo an operation. What happened? Hopefully you are feeling well and better.

If you don't mind, please bring me up to date on everything! I guess I've missed so much. I always thought I would be able to respond to you more quickly than anyone else. I guess I was wrong. But you are in my everyday thoughts; honest.

I thought you might be down there in Atlanta thinking I was mad at you or maybe have forgotten you. No, it wasn't that. It will be such a relief to receive a letter from you. Please write soon and tell me anything you can! Bye.

Happy Holidays!!! Happy New Year!!! Good night...

Your friend,

Crystal



26 December. 1989

Hello again Crystal,

'Tis the day after Christmas, and I just got your 19 December letter. By now you have no doubt received my 18 December letter also. Our letters must have crossed in the mail. You have some idea of what has been going on regarding my health, so I won't elaborate on that except that I feel much better today than I did two months ago. I'm exercising daily and getting stronger all the time.

Christmas time is always a busy time of year, so I expect some delays in getting answers to my letters. Additionally, I understand some of the forces which are interacting on a teen-ager's interest at this time of life. I hope you don't berate yourself on my account. It is always nice to get your letters, but I know you have other things to interest you also, and are not able to write as often as I can. So you see, I don't really hold it against you for not writing in a while. All I ask is that you don't forget to answer me once in a while.

I hope you and your family had a nice Christmas (and I suppose, New Years Day, by the time you get this letter). Mine was rather special because there was a while there that I wasn't sure that I would be around to celebrate the holidays. We (my wife and I) spent Christmas day with a friend of mine from Vietnam. I first met him in Kontum, RVN, in 1969. He too married a Korean lady in 1971, and we taught together at Fort Gordon in the radio teletypewriter school for almost six years.

My daughter, Jean, spent the holiday with her boyfriend and his family. Aahh, the generation gap! I suppose it wouldn't have been much fun for her to join us old fogies for the day. Besides, it was probably more romantic for her, being with the boyfriend. Paul and I (my friend) played Yatzee after dinner while the ladies gabbed away in the living room. It was my first time playing Yatzee by the way. I didn't do too badly, I won three games and he won three games. Someday soon, we'll play a rubber match to see who the champ is.

So how did your day go? Please do tell me what you did and feel free to tell me about some of your presents. I hope you enjoyed the day.

To bring you up to date on the book, I got both copies of my manuscript back last week with rejection slips again. I immediately retyped introductory letters to the last two publishers on the list that Vantage Press sent me, and mailed the MSs out to them on the same day. Something that Vantage failed to tell me is that a lot of publishing houses will not accept unsolicited manuscripts for publication unless it is submitted by an agent. I've since learned how to look up an agent, and will soon be contacting several of them to discuss terms for them representing me if the terms are right. Wouldn't you know there has to be another middleman to go through! Oh well, I guess I can just chalk it up to giving someone else employment. I just hope they will be affordable and do a good job for me.

How is the social life going for you at school? Do you have any extra curricular activities which you take part in? Some major basketball games used to be played around this time of year. How is Lanier High School doing in that department this year? Do you get to go to any games?

At one time during this past year, you had told me that you would try to become friendlier with Tranh. I had mentioned that you and she have a lot in common with your parental difficulties. Did anything ever come of that?

I've made contact with a young lady who went to school in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba in 1982. She is a volunteer representative of the "Overseas Brats" organization which I too have joined. Although she went to that school in a different era than when I went there (1950-51), she may be able to turn me on to some people who went there at the same time as me. I will write her next.

Well Crystal, what with the letter I wrote to you on the 18th, and this letter today, you should have enough material to write a comprehensive letter to me in return. Please don't let it be too long this time 'til I hear from you.

Enjoy!!!

Your friend,

John




1 February, 1990

Dear John,

It seems like forever since I've written you. I'm so sorry. I don't blame you if you had given up on me writing back to you. You know the reasons why but, I guess that's just no excuse. I hope you don't think that I had totally decided to stop contact with you! I wondered if you thought that, but no. You are in my everyday thoughts and I hope you are doing well.

As for me, I'm not at all feeling so splendid. I practically had a nervous breakdown in school today. I still cannot believe how I exploded in tears today. I often had breakdowns, but never at all one in school where I couldn't control myself. I just didn't want to be there.

I hate school so much now. I hate it. I feel so awful. Teachers and all of my classmates saw me like that. It was so scary. If I could quit school, I would. I'm sick of being tied down all of the time. It depresses me so much.

Nobody here understands this terrible mess I'm in. Except for my only two closest friends Louise and Troung. I wish people could automatically know how I'm feeling and fix it. I can't stand myself anymore.

So how are things for you? Good? Bad? So so? Any good news? I sure could use some.

So you’re still talking to Tranh? I was just over her house about last week or so. Did she tell you about the semi formal? It was okay. I didn't do much. I hate being around people now, so many just aggravate me so much.

I'm not doing so well. I just feel terrible. I forget to tell you something. My mom has been in Vietnam for the last few weeks, she's returning next week. I can't wait to hear some news. My mom hasn't seen her parents and sisters and brothers for about sixteen years.

Right now I'm still working at Dunkin Donuts and I'm trying to maintain good grades in school. I need a lot of help in Algebra! But I've gotten A's and B's in the rest of my subjects. I still hate school.

I want to hear from you soon. I've included a mini-photo of me and my friend Louise. We look goofy! Goodnight,

Your friend,

Crystal






15 February, 1990

Dear Crystal,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are down on yourself and everyone else too. Not for nothing, are the teen years called "terrible!" It is a difficult time for you, I'm sure. One solace you have is that all teens must pass through this phase. It's just that some (and I assume you are one of these) have a more difficult time adjusting. There are the conflicts with parental control (all teens try to assert their independence at this time), concerns about male/female relationships among peers, and worry about maintaining good grades in school.

On that latter, having A's and B's in most grades is fantastic! You should be proud of that (accentuate the positive). As for algebra, yes, that is a very difficult subject to grasp for some students. I too, had difficulty with second year algebra, but I rather liked first year algebra. The only advice I can give you there, is to keep asking questions when you don't understand a certain problem. Don't worry about what the other students think, some of them probably have the same questions, but are afraid to ask.

You didn't mention what incident brought about your outburst in the classroom. I'm sure it was distressful for you to go through that, and pains you to remember the incident. You are probably a very sensitive person. I would hope that in time, most of your classmates and teachers will forget it happened.

Crystal, in several of your letters, you express your desire for people to understand how you feel and "fix" it. Unfortunately, that cannot be done. The only way for people to know how you are feeling is for you to tell them. Even then, they still wouldn't be able to "fix" it. The act of telling someone our innermost feelings can be embarrassing, but often has a cathartic affect and leaves us feeling cleansed. Of course, it would have to be someone you could trust; who wouldn't betray your confidences. Most of the "fixing" will have to be of your own making I'm afraid. A priest or counselor or a psychiatrist might be able to shed some light on why you are feeling as you do. So much for the armchair philosophy, now let's change the subject!

Yes, I think I have some good news! I sent samples of my book to several literary agents, and one has asked me to send the complete book. He has agreed to represent me to a publisher. That's no guarantee of acceptance, but having an agent will open more doors in the publishing world than trying to represent myself. I still have two copies of the book at publishing houses. They were mailed on 18 December, 1989, and I haven't heard anything yet. I wrote to them earlier this week and asked about the status of my book. If they don't plan to publish it, I'm going to go with the agent.

Tranh told me about the semi formal dance. She says she will send me some pictures later. I'm glad that you went also. Did you have a good time? You certainly didn't say much about it in your letter.

Thanks for the picture of you and Louise. Is she also a student at Lanier H.S.? Neither she, nor Troung, wrote me last year. I understand that Troung was in a different school last year but has since transferred to Lanier H.S. How does she like it?

Sixteen years is a long time to be away from your homeland and family. My wife too, has been gone from Korea the same amount of time. Her father died while she was here and we couldn't afford to have her return for the funeral. Her mother has been ill for many years, and may die at any time. Hopefully we will get to go there next year.

By now, your mother has returned. I'm sure she found many changes in Vietnam since she left. Is her family intact, and in good health? It isn't very likely, but if I could, I would like to return to that land also. I only saw it when hostilities were in progress, and had to "watch my back" whenever in the countryside or cities. It appeared a beautiful land except for the reminders of the ravages of the war around us.

Do try to keep your chin up Crystal. Someday all these trials and tribulations you are going through, will be a thing of the past. I wish only the best of things for you. Believe me, things will get better!

Your friend,

John




Feb. 26, 1990

Dear John,

Thank you for being concerned about how things are for me right now. Not many adults are! And I'm glad you can understand.

I left school early today. It was the first day back from vacation and I couldn't stand being there. I've got to figure out somehow to make things around (here) work. I just wish I could be left alone if things make me so sick and tired. I just want to forget about that incident in school. Outburst in school don't usually happen to me because I'm so quiet and to myself these days. I'm always silently crying.

I know that I want things to be "fixed." I know it's impossible, but that's the way I feel. Things always seem to be screwed up, but why do they have to be? I hate this.

I'm glad your news is good. Have you agreed to work with an agent? Don't they cost a lot of $$$? How long does it actually take once you sign up with a publishing company until your book can be published? Hopefully you don't need an agent and you can well represent yourself!

I did go to the semi formal dance! It was alright. I wasn't going to go at first, but decided to a few hours before. Tranh seemed to have fun even though she had to leave so early. I feel bad. I wish I could give you a picture but I haven't got anymore.

My mom has come back from Vietnam, and she wants to go back again; hopefully again in about two years. Is Korea a beautiful place? You'll soon get to go there.

War is disgusting and I don't understand why people do things like that. It's stupid and selfish. That really aggravates me.

Well, I'll try to keep my chin up, and you'll try too. I wish only the best for you also.

Thank you...

Your Friend,

Crystal




3 March, 1990


Dear Crystal,

I don't normally write so soon after having written a person, and usually I wait for a reply. However, you have been in my thoughts very strongly of late, and I can't help feeling something is wrong, especially after re-reading your last letter.

I saw a Sanskrit Proverb in this months Reader's Digest that I thought might give you some encouragement. I know I will try to live by its tenet and perhaps it will help you get through the bad days also. Here it is:

Look to this day
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well lived,
Makes yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

I've also enclosed some cartoons which I hope will amuse you. The Peanuts cartoon is apropos for me, and similar to some of the rejection slips I've been getting from publishers...ha ha. Not really, but I get the impression that is what they are thinking.

By now, you have had some time to absorb the stories your Mom has had to tell you about your aunts and uncles in Vietnam. If they aren't too personal and you would care to share them, I'd love to hear them. Where in Vietnam does she come from? I've been through several of the larger cities and even a number of the smaller hamlets. If you let me know the area, perhaps I've been there.

I've made a few new friends by belonging to the "OVERSEAS BRATS" organization, and hope to make many more. I feel that eventually, some of my old schoolmates will hear of, and join the organization also, and then we can re establish old friendships.

Writing has become a means to an end for me. It is my raison d'etre, and I certainly have the time to indulge in this activity. Exercising the control of words upon the page in such a manner as to express my feelings clearly and accurately, is a real challenge and one I enjoy.

If you too, could find an activity which you enjoyed, perhaps life wouldn't seem so much of a downer for you. I surely hope you are able to do that because I feel you have much to contribute to those who know you. A girl who is as sensitive as you, can turn that to your advantage. You only need find an outlet to channel your activities into.

The mailman just went up the street and will return in about thirty minutes. I wrote this letter in longhand (looks like chicken scratches on the paper), and must type it out so it will be legible. My computer is being upgraded. I fear I won't get it done in time to go out in the mail today. It will go out Monday though, so you should get it Wednesday or Thursday.

I hope this letter cheers your day a little.

Affectionately yours,

John





March 15, 1990

Dear John,

The weather here is just beautiful! I hope it goes on forever. Just a few more months until summer and then school will be out. Knowing how much I dislike school, isn't it ironic that I might be going to school in the summer? Yes, in the summer! My guidance counselor at school wants me to spend a few weeks at Brown University or some other college here. I think it would be fun, but I'm not positive yet. We'll see what happens.

Thanks, for writing me that letter, although I was waiting for your reply anyway. You must have not received the letter I wrote you, after the February 15, letter you wrote to me, because you mentioned that you don't usually write someone again, until you've received a reply. The letter must have gotten lost or something. I hate that when it happens!

So how are the plans for an agent coming along? I asked you these questions in the letter you must have not received! It must cost so much, right? Everything seems to cost so much! How many pages are in your book anyway, a few hundred? I can't wait until your book can be published. It's been over a year since you first mentioned this book to me. You must have a whole lot of patience. That's something I don't have much of. Hopefully you don't need to get an agent and you can represent yourself just fine.

A few days ago I entered a poetry contest. I entered about seven poems of mine. I don't find out anything until May 2. I could win $1,000. I doubt that, but it was just for the fun of it! It was just something I found in a magazine.

The semi formal was okay. Tranh seemed to have fun but she left so early. I felt bad. Sometimes I feel deprived, but when I think of Tranh, I feel lucky. I included a picture of me and my friends at the semi formal. I didn't go with anyone.

So, how is everything in Augusta? Anything special happening there? Not much is here, as you might already know. Bye.

Your friend Sorry so sloppy

Crystal





31 March, 1990

Dear Crystal,

Sorry to make you wait so long before answering your last two letters. I got my computer back and have been very busy trying to figure out how to configure my system to recognize the four drives I now have and load the various programs that I use onto the hard disk. I know that's probably Greek to you, but believe me, it is not an easy task.

As you can see, I'm now back in business with my machine, so there shouldn't be so long a wait between letters next time.

I did receive your last two letters of 26 February and 15 March. The first letter arrived the day after I last wrote you. Anyway, I have now committed these letters to disk and will now try to answer them in detail.

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that the only way a publishing house will accept my manuscript is if it is submitted through an agent, therefore I will go with an agent. The only problem with that is that the only agent who's expressed an interest in representing me, must wait until I get back one of the two copies in circulation. I've called both publishers to find out why they are holding my MS and the only answer I get is that it will be returned soon.

For your edification, the agent will get a 10% commission for finding a publisher for me and his basic charge for reading the MS will be $85. I will have to wait to see how the other 90% of the pie will be divided between the publisher, retailer and me. As for how long it will take, your guess is as good as mine. I've been trying to get published for over a year now! I believe Vantage Press (the subsidized publishing house, and the one who did the original editing and furnished me a list of publishers who they said might print it) was erroneous in giving me the information they gave me. That's what has taken so long. I had been better off going to the library on my own and looking up publishers who accepted unsolicited MS's or looking up agents to send my MS to.

Thank you for the very nice picture you sent me of you and the other girls at the semi-formal. You look lovely, as do all of those girls. That is also the first time I've had a look at Troung, who is often mentioned by both you and Tranh. How's she doing at Lanier H.S.? I believe it was told me that she just transferred this past year to Lanier H.S. from another school.

Tranh was supposed to send me a picture also, but apparently she only had eight pictures and had given away most of them. I told her not to worry there will be other opportunities for her to send me more pictures. The Sock Hop is coming up soon and that will be something you're looking forward to I'll bet. Tranh says she may not go, but I don't understand why.

You must have heard many anecdotes from your mother by now, about her trip back to Vietnam. Why don't you tell me a little about it? I'm sure she must have been bubbling over with excitement at being able to see her relatives again.

At one time, I had considered entering Brown University upon graduation from high school. I even went to the campus to check it out. This was while visiting friends and relatives during the winter of 1959. My dad had just finished his tour of duty at Argentia, Newfoundland and was on his way to shore duty at Norfolk, Virginia. Of course, by the time I had enrolled at my new school in Virginia Beach, Virginia, I had missed three months of school (I was in my senior year) and I got discouraged because I found it so hard to catch-up to everyone else. I quit and joined the Navy, like a damned fool, so I didn't graduate and Brown University became a moot point.

Most of the above scenario is outlined in my book and you will get a copy as soon as I can get it published. As for the number of pages in that book, I had about 250 typed pages, to include picture pages. There is no telling what the final product will look like after the publisher finishes with it, so I can't say how many pages there will be.

I hope the poetry contest you entered wasn't a rip off! I entered two such contests early last year, but the publishing firm that solicited the poems was just after my money. After telling me that my poems would be published (for a nominal fee, of course), I never heard from them again. Calls to the libraries who were supposed to get copies of the book, made me aware that there was no such publishing firm and no such agreement with the libraries. I tried for five months to get the Postmaster General's office to do something about this firms soliciting poetry through the mail, to no avail. That was definitely false advertising! The last I heard from the Post Office was that they didn't have enough documentation to press charges, but if they received more complaints, they'd consider bringing charges against the firm. And I thought the Postal System was supposed to protect us from mail fraud! How naive I was.

I let my correspondence fall way behind while I was waiting to get my computer back. As you know, I did answer some letters with my typewriter, but that is so tedious once you get used to using a word processing program. Especially with all the mistakes I make. I ran out of correctional tape while typing before and didn't have any white-out to correct the errors. I just typed over them. I'm sure it looked like hell, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. It sure is nice to be able to make the corrections on the screen before sending the letter to the printer.

As I say, I have many letters to catch-up on, so I hope you will be happy with this one ending here. I've tried to answer your questions and let you know what is happening with me. If I've not given you enough material to mull over here, write to me again soon, and I will.

Your friend,

John




12-9-90
Sunday

Dear John,

It's been too long since the last time I had heard from you or since you've heard from me. I know it’s my fault.

Well, I'll tell you my situation. Back in April I had gotten into a car accident with a drunk driver. (Yes, I am stupid for getting in the car with him-I've heard all of the lectures.) For a while after it had happened, I became very depressed. You know I had been depressed before, so this didn't help much at all. It seemed to have worsened things. I just wanted to alienate myself from everyone for awhile, with the exception of Louise sometimes. And now almost eight months has gone by, and being isolated has practically become my lifestyle. It seems rather sad for some people to hear me say that, but it isn't. It can be sometimes, but I like it this way. I guess after time had passed, I kind of overlooked the brighter parts of my life. Like hearing from you, and other little things I looked forward to, that made me happier.

I've changed a lot in this tiny amount of time. A little for the better and a little for the worse. I'm definitely an earth conscious person, recycling everything I see! I've become a vegetarian - starting off by eliminating red meat. (The thought of dead animals makes me sick!) I've totally changed my style of clothing and music - almost bohemian. And get this...I pierced my nose!

People think I'm freaky, but I don't care about what people think of me anymore, or what they'll say. Who needs them, not me, not "those kind" anyway. I think their even more freaky!

So now that you've heard about how much I've changed, what about you? How have you been? And how's that book coming along?

Geez, it's been sooo long! How's Georgia? I heard that an earthquake was going to strike somewhere down there. Was I right? (Don't mean to scare you or anything.) I was just wondering.

Please keep in touch and thanks a lot for the card. (It brought tears to my eyes.) Merry Christmas John.

Your long lost friend,

Crystal




13 December, 1990

Dear Crystal,

Thank you for the Christmas card and letter. It was nice hearing from you again after such a long time.

You didn't mention it, but were you or anyone else injured in the automobile accident? I hope not! I'm not going to lecture you Crystal, I've made the same mistake myself, more than once. Hopefully, you won't be as pig-headed as I was, and will have learned from your mistake.

Life does go on around us even if we try to ignore it by turning solitary in nature. It's good to be alone with our thoughts once in a while so that we can reflect on where we fit into the scheme of things. It's obvious that you aren't ignoring life completely. You've consciously chosen to not eat red meat and to conserve many of our natural resources by recycling.

While I don't profess to be a vegetarian, I too, recycle newspapers, cans and bottles. We have finite resources which will one day be depleted unless we do more in the way of making use of those products which can be used again.

As for changing your style of dress and your tastes in music, that is normal for your age. I'll wager that you will change your dressing habits and choice of music again before you reach twenty. What is unusual though, is piercing your nose. I surely hope you don't live to regret that action. I've got to admit it is unique and certainly not a Vietnamese or American custom. That must have been extremely uncomfortable to do. I'd imagine you caught some flak from your parents for that too, huh? Oh well, you are just being yourself. As you say, to hell with what others may say. I am curious though, whatever gave you the idea?

In May, I had a relapse in the operation which was done on my heart last November. I was hospitalized for six days and test showed that one or more of the bypasses they did had closed-up. They've decided it would be too risky to try to go in again to correct the deficiency. They are treating it with medication and won't operate a third time. So what I've got now will just have to last me as long as possible. The medicine I take is good but it has to be increased gradually as time goes by. I imagine there will come a point where they will not be able to increase the medicine any longer. Maybe someone will have thought up another method of treatment by then.

I'm still plugging away at the book. I've had to rewrite it again and leave off the letters from Mr. Malcolm, Mr. Powers, and my friends. An ex-English teacher critiqued my work and thinks it will be more likely to be accepted if the emphasis is placed on the letters you students wrote and my answers to those letters. I added several other letters (I think I have two of yours) and had to disguise some of the writers' identity. The new version is 242 pages long without the pictures. I have samples out to three agents and a publisher.

There is going to be a writer's conference here in Augusta next April. If my book hasn't been accepted for publication by then, I'll attend that conference and see if I can interest anyone there in aiding me to get it published.

The earthquake you refer to was supposed to be centered on New Madrid, between Louisiana and Mississippi. Browning, the guy that forecast it happening, was wrong this time. It didn't happen. It was supposed to be of such a magnitude that it would, indeed, have affected large parts of Georgia. Many Scientist are saying it is inevitable that it will happen within the next fifty years. I don't expect I'll be around to see it!

Tranh's brother, Ralph, is in Germany and her brother-in-law, Chester, is in Saudi Arabia. It's possible that Ralph will be sent to the Gulf area also; may have been sent already. I tried to get her to give me their addresses so that I might be able to cheer them up. No go! She doesn't like that idea.

It's terrible what is happening in that part of the world today. I just hope that it doesn't come to an all out war. That won't be pretty! We have enough problems here at home to take care of without having to divert manpower and finances to other parts of the world.

Please don't forget to write to me when you get the chance Crystal. I march down the driveway every day with great expectations of having lots of mail to answer. Here of late, I've been getting disappointed. My letters have either become boring or repetitious I guess (I know, that's hard for me to believe too!),
else the flow of mail would not have slackened. I shall have to find some way to perk them up. Any ideas?

Until next time then, I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and all your joyous expectations for the New Year are fulfilled.

Your friend,

John




12-18-90

Dear John,

Hello, it's now 10:39 p.m. and I had just come home from work when my sister handed me your letter. I am so happy to finally be communicating with you again.

No, to answer your question of anyone getting seriously hurt in the accident. I do have scars on my forehead from nearly going through the windshield, but my friend Louise was hurt the most. She suffered a giant black and red eye, stitches in her right foot and a broken wrist. The others had a few bruises and cuts. And yes, I definitely learned from this mistake.

I'm also glad that you are accepting and quite open-minded about my new decisions. Not many people are and I thank you! It's crazy and surprising that I can accept this sort of "identity crisis" of mine, while others can't, isn't it? My nose ring is doing okay. People are adapting and my mom's even begun talking to me again. She thinks I'm crazy. She may be right! I don't want to say that I'm trying to make a statement, it's just a way of expressing myself. "Will it make me less of a person?" I always ask. I'll live. They will too.

I'm sorry to hear about the operation you had. Can I ask you a question? How does it feel? I mean does it hurt or anything? I think I'd be so scared. In fact, I know I'd be. It's amazing how people like you can go through those things and still remain so optimistic. That's good. I wouldn't be able to, but I guess if the circumstances were bad I'd have no choice.

I'm glad that you’re still working upon the book. Don't worry, it'll be accepted for publication soon. I've read a few books that were definitely not worth reading and I wonder how ever they got published? You’re a super writer that I can tell from your letters. I don't understand this. Good luck at the conference!

I'm glad to hear the earthquake did not strike. Even I was scared all the way up here in little Rhode Island. I hear the next big one will be near here, Boston and New York. Something like that.

I hate war! That's all I can say about this whole Saudi Arabia situation. In my eyes I see only sheer ignorance, greediness, and stupidity! (Teach Peace) (Make love, not war) I think I belong in the 60's. I wouldn't mind.

Hope your Christmas is also very merry and your New Year even better!


Your friend,

Crystal

P.S. I think I could write forever, but it's now 11:20 p.m. I have school tomorrow. I drank too much coffee at work and I think my blood stream is caffeine alone! Here's a picture of me and my friend Louise in April, 1990 working in Providence. (Dunkin Donuts Promotion) Just another to add to your mini-collection of pictures.




28 December, 1990

Dear Crystal,

I'm happy to hear that nobody was seriously hurt in the accident you mention. Facial scars can be a bit devastating though. My wife was in an auto accident in 1986 and it left her with scars which run from eyebrow to eyebrow, right across the bridge of her nose. Luckily, the doctor who did the initial surgery at the hospital was a plastic surgeon. He did a marvelous job of sewing. It took 46 stitches. The scar is hardly noticeable unless you get close to her.

The picture you sent me of Louise and yourself is a very nice picture; you look lovely. I tried to see if there were a ring in your nose, but I guess that picture was taken before you had that done. Honestly Crystal, you are a character! Most girls, to express their individuality, might have had a discreet tattoo put on their buttocks or some other place which could be covered by a bikini or other clothing. I've got to admit though, that a nose ring would definitely get my attention.

Reading the articles you sent me from the Sassy magazine, I can see where you got the idea of the nose ring. Sounds to me like you have patterned yourself after the young lady named Dawn Valene Wilkinson. So much so that you've even become a vegetarian and an ecologist like her. She does sound as if she has her act together.

I took the liberty to look up some stats on the University of California, Santa Cruz (UCSC). It is a four year state college which does offer doctorate degrees. As of two years ago, it had a student population of 8,589 and a faculty of 449. That's about a nineteen to one student/teacher ratio. That makes for manageable classes and good learning possibilities. The administrator is Dr. Robert B. Stevens.

Thing is, it's on the other side of the country from where you are in Rhode Island. It would be very expensive to go to school there because not only would you have to pay tuition, but room and board also. You’re looking at twenty/thirty thousand dollars a year to attend that school. Of course there is the possibility of a scholarship if you have some special talents.

Tranh asked me some time ago about some colleges and I made a list of some two and four year colleges in Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Massachusetts. I'm sending you the list also. Maybe you can use it.

You asked about my operation so I'll tell you although you may end up being sorry you asked. It has become a fairly common operation nowadays, but the first time I had it done in 1979, it was relatively new. I've since seen the operation performed on television (I have cablevision) so I can describe what is done in detail. Of course, when they are cutting on you, you're out like a light and don't know what is going on.

There are two teams that operate simultaneously, one removing the veins from either the upper thighs or lower calves (these will be used to "jump" across the blocked arteries in the heart), and the other makes the chest incision. This latter team cuts from the neck down to just above the naval, saws through the sternum, and spreads the rib cage apart so that the heart is exposed. After the pericardium is opened and the blocked arteries are located, the heart and lungs are placed on a heart/lung machine that breaths and pumps the blood during the operation. The heart is stopped during the surgery. The leg veins are sutured across the blocked arteries and the blood is then taken off the machine and started back to the heart; the heart is shocked back to its normal rhythm. During this procedure, the surgeons check for leakage. If none is found, all incisions are then closed up. The sternum is stapled together with metal clips which remain in place when the bone knits together.

That's basically what is done except that now they are using the mamillary artery that comes from the heart and feeds blood to the chest wall. They detach this artery from the chest wall and graft it directly across the blockage. This is the procedure that was used on me last November.

Yes, the operation does hurt! So much so, that after the first one in '79, I swore I wouldn't have it done again. But in actuality, it hurt worse in 1979 because I'd been a smoker then and coughed a lot. Can you imagine coughing when your chest has just been cut open? The severe pain usually doesn't last more than two weeks. It is taken care of by ample doses of medication. After that, it's only a matter of gradually building up your strength. As to why I let them do it to me again, it's as you surmise. If the circumstances warrant it, you don't have much choice!

I, too, have read many a book or article that caused me to wonder why the piece was published. I feel that I am more articulate than many of these writers, and have some interesting things to say. Problem is the publishers are the ones to make the decision as to what makes it into print. I'm working on it!

The 60's have been vastly overrated as being a glorious era. While it may be true that great changes were taking place in our society, not all of those changes were for the good. To name just a few, we lost John and Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King; became mired in the Vietnam war where we didn't belong, and which turned most of the nation into opposing camps; education took a down-turn; drugs became rampant, and a materialistic mindset became ensconced upon the conscience of many. So you see, it wasn't all a rosy picture!

While we are living through our teens and early twenties, we don't tend to think of them as being important times. They are the years we are most vibrant, full of enthusiasm for the challenges of life, and just causes. I think all generations experience this phenomenon, so they tend to look back on those years with the most nostalgia. The only thing bad about this set-up is that at the time we are going through these years, we don't realize how important the events that are going on around us will become. As the French say, C'est la Vie!

Well Crystal, I've still got to look up the college list for you so I had better get about doing that so that I can relax and watch some evening news. It's been nice to have you writing to me again. Please continue to do so.

Your friend,

John



Jan. 2, 1991

Dear John,

Hello. Just writing because I'm feeling like I'm out of my mind. Again, I didn't go to school. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I'm passing or failing and I'm going crazy!!

But this year, I want to change, though sometimes I don't think I can. I'm scared.

I wrote to you a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not sure if you had received your letter because you would have usually written to me by now. Maybe our letters will cross in the mail or it had gotten lost in the system.

I wish my bicycle was working, I feel like biking. It's the perfect day for it.

God, I need to get away from here for awhile. Just for a little while.

Your friend,

Crystal




7 January, 1991

Dear Crystal,

I got your 2 January note here before me. I am surprised that you haven't received my 28 December letter before now. It was a three page letter and I also enclosed six pages of college listings in Rhode Island, Massachusetts and Connecticut. It cost me double the postage to mail it to you. Perhaps someone else in the family got it and don't want you seeing it. Anyway, I was waiting for a reply to that letter. Since it doesn't appear you got that letter, I'm also sending a copy of it to you with this letter. I can send you copies of the college listings again if you want, but I'm going to wait to see if you get this letter first.

I've made no resolutions this year, after all, I've already given up smoking, drinking and that other vice (which I won't mention here), so what little vices I have left, I intend to continue to indulge myself. Have you made any New Year's resolutions Crystal?

Your note seems to indicate your confusion of emotions fairly well. It would appear that you have gotten distracted from learning the subjects taught in class and that is why you are uncertain if you are passing or failing. I have no idea what may have turned you off on the learning process, but I sincerely hope that you can get your act back together soon. The education you are being exposed to during these years will stand you in good stead later on if you can absorb it. That will take a strong effort on your part. You and only you have control over that portion of your life.

Crystal, I know you are having a difficult time. Believe me when I say all teenagers have it rough during these years. You are trying to assert your independence from your parents which is normal. They are going to resist it because they want to protect you as long as they can. That's all the natural order of things, but I know it's hard to live with when you’re young. As you get older, or have children of your own, you will began to understand why parents have so many rules they want you to follow. I'm not trying to patronize you by saying this it's just a fact of life.

Write again soon Crystal and please don't be mad at me for sounding like a parent. I am one you know!

Your friend,

John




24 January, 1991

Dear Crystal,

Since this conflict broke out in the Gulf, seems all I've been doing is sitting in front of the boob tube and watching developments. I've not let my correspondence fall behind though, so thought I'd drop you a line to see how things are with you.

I had to take my car to the Sears automotive shop to have some work done on it the other day. While there, a young couple came in with their vehicle; she brought you to mind. She had a very delicate, thin, gold ring in her nose. Thing is, it was pierced on the outside of her nose, not through the septum or divider between the nostrils. I had thought the septum would be the natural place to have the nose pierced. How have you done your nose?

Her other noticeable features included a hair dye which was halfway between strawberry and maroon, and she had a large tattoo that started at her ankle and ran, God knows how far up her leg; she had on pedal-pushers that stopped at mid-calf. She was a very pretty young lady of twenty-ish. I would definitely say she was trying to make a statement! If she hadn't had her boy friend with her, I might have tried to start up a conversation to see what it was about. As it is, I thought it prudent to mind my own business. See, I'm not all dumb!

Please let me know if you still need the list of colleges I sent you. I can either send you another list or if you want, you can go see Tranh and look at her list.

I hope things are going better for you now, they certainly didn't sound like they were going too good in your last letter. Tranh told me that she just finished mid-year exams so I would imagine that you've gone through the same agonizing experience. How did you do?

A copy of My Life In Your Hands is at a publisher and I'm waiting for an answer. Many of the people I've had critique the MS have told me that there needs to be more interaction between the students and myself. I revised it somewhat and resubmitted it. If this effort fails, I've made arrangements to have the MS looked at by the Sandhills Writer's Conference which is held every year here at Augusta College. It's conducted by professional writers who not only critique the work of prospective writers, but also give them guidance as to where to try getting it published. That should help a lot.

This next bit of information may not sit too well with you, but I decided to take the advice of the people who have been critiquing my MS. I will need to know how you feel about it.

I've written another book! It is over five hundred pages long and seven chapters. I haven't sent it to anyone yet, I'm still waiting for feedback from some people. You see, the book is about the hopes and fears, loves and heartaches, and the everyday happenings in the lives of some young girls. It is a sharing of these events with an older mentor - such as myself. In essence, it is about our relationship and some of the other of your acquaintances. I've changed the names and places, but the locale is still in Rhode Island. There are five of you girls in it, plus myself.

I'm going to get back to the war news now, so I'll let you mull this idea over. Needless to say, I'll be anxious to know what you think of the idea.

Your friend,

John