Chapter III of "Me and the Girls" (Susana)

(Undated Letter)

Dear Mr. Hunt,

Hello! My name is Susana. I am fourteen years old. I am in the ninth grade at the Lanier High School. I live on Hadwin Street. Do you know where that is?

I am in Mr. Powers' 9A English class. He told us a little about you. Did you like coming to this school? What was it like?

I was born in Pawtucket, but I moved to Portugal when I was five years old. I moved back here when I was nine years old. I have lived here ever since. I wouldn't dream of living anywhere else. I love it here. Some people say this city is the capital of drugs. I personally don't think so. I have a lot of friends here, and they are all sweet to me. I have never met nicer people. I heard you remember Paisley Park. Well, you'll be happy to know it's still here and it looks nice. I walk by there sometimes.

It must have been hard for you to leave Lanier and all your friends. I'm going to Portugal next year, and it's going to be hard for me too.

Listen, I hope you get better and come visit us. Please write back and tell me about yourself.

Sincerely yours,

a new friend,

Susana


(Undated Answer)


Hi Susana,

My, my, you too have done some traveling for all your young years, haven't you? Portugal is one of those countries I have only read about, but I have admired for many years. Do you know that they had the greatest navigators in the Old World? Prince Henry, The Navigator, and his captains under him, come to mind. There was also Bartholomeu Diaz, who first sailed around the African Horn. Europeans learned of the Americas largely through the efforts of such great Portuguese sailors.

Portugal was closely allied with Spain when Queen Isabella gave Christopher Columbus the where-with-all to make his now famous voyages. The trade routes to Cathay, as China was once called, were a jealously guarded secret of the Portuguese navigators for many years. If you get a chance to read Shogun, do so. I think you will find it richly rewarding in pointing out the value that the Japanese placed on Portuguese navigators.

No, I don't know where your street is, Susana. It has been so long ago that I forget the topography of most of Laniers' streets. As you may know from some of my letters to your classmates, I have asked to be sent a map, hand-drawn or otherwise, so that I may orient myself once more.

I'm glad that you like Lanier anyway. It really is a nice place to grow up. I used to live on Washington Street as a very young boy during the Second World War and then again I lived on Dexter Street in 1952-1953 and again in 1955-1957.

I went to school at a red-brick school near Broad Street and Cross Street in 1952 1953. I don't remember the name of the school, but the playground was asphalt. I had just moved there from Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where my father had been stationed. He was in the Navy, and we have a naval base in Cuba. All the kids at that school used to call me "Cuba" because on my first day of school, the teacher introduced me as having just come from there and made me tell something about it. Pretty embarrassing stuff for an eleven or twelve year old boy to handle.

I got over it though and even made some friends who remembered me when I returned and enrolled at Lanier High School. Some of them are in the picture I sent Mr. Powers. They were/are James Panello, Frank Jacusa, Bill Plocinski, and Ed Arabas.

When I left Lanier in 1953, my father was stationed at Patuxent Naval Air Station at Patuxent River, Maryland. That is where experimental test planes were/are flown to iron out the bugs. Keep in mind that this was 1953 through 1955. During that time, I personally know of three fatal crashes of aircraft on the test ranges. You'll never guess the planes that were being tested! They were the forerunners of the Stealth bomber that was just unveiled this past month. Yes, Susana, I'm saying that plane or its stereotype was being flown way back then. I used to see the plane from time to time, and my family was personal friends of one of the pilots that crashed. They called it the flying wing. It may not have been the exact same plane we saw last month, but it was one of the early test models. Isn't that a gasser, though?

Anyway, in late 1955, we returned to Lanier again and to the same house at 391 Dexter Street, second floor. It's just across from Cavanaugh's Spa. I believe the family that own it, is called McNulty.

I enrolled at Lanier High School and once again renewed my friendships and made new friends. Those were great years for me because girls became a focus of my imagination, if not a figment. You really couldn't tell by my actions because I was most unashamedly bashful in a one-on-one situation. But I could look my fill, and I did that a lot.

Some of my secret loves were Marsha Goshenski and Maxine Slakowski. I had other secret loves but, woe is me, they never knew it. Had any one of them even dropped a hint that we could get to know each other better, maybe something more positive could have come of my yearnings. Sometimes the girl has to be aggressive, I think. What do you think, Susana?

In 1957, my mother and I moved to Argentia, Newfoundland, where my father was stationed at one of our country's Distant Early Warning (DEW) lines. Super Constellations (airplanes again) with large radar domes on top and bottom are constantly flown out from there across the Artic to maintain a twenty-four hour vigil against attack from the North. I'll bet you didn't know that, did you?

I will cut this letter short for now, but you'll hear more from me later.

Your new friend,

John E. Hunt




11 February 1989

Dear Susana,

Your letter of 21 January arrived today and I was happy to get it. I thought you had given up on me so it came as an added surprise when I got it.

Yes Susana, I have traveled a great deal and it sometimes was very difficult leaving a place or my friends. I have been doing it for much of my life so have become used to the idea of making new friends in a new location. Unfortunately, I did not keep in touch with my old friends and it is not until now, in my later years, that I have the time and desire to correspond with them. They are spread all over the world by now (most of them were military dependents) and we have lost touch. That is why I have tried to re establish ties with old friends in a civilian school such as Lanier High School. It stands to reason that they will not have gone so far afield.

Your first letter sounded so positive about you going back to Portugal this year, but this one sounds like you have some doubts that you will. Do you have a choice in the matter? Since your parents are separated, I make the assumption that you are with your mother (correct me if I'm wrong). Have you talked with her of your feelings about returning to Portugal? Perhaps if she knows how you feel and how important your school and friends are to you, she will consider letting you stay in school at Lanier. This might be especially true if she intends to return later. If you have a good rapport with her, it might be worth discussing.

You are correct when you say I might have found some of my secret loves felt the same about me if I had told them. Considering how bashful I was though, that was an impossibility at the time. As I stated in my first letter to you, I kept waiting for them to say something first; dumb me...huh?

I'm happy to see you are not plagued by bashfulness anyway. Jules is not one of the persons who wrote me. I've gone through all my letters twice and have none from him. That doesn't surprise me though. I'll bet there are others who didn't write also. I hope you and he are happy together. Be nice to each other as long as it last but do be aware that you will probably have many "loves" during your teen years. They will all be special and you will mature a little bit more with each passing relationship. Such is life.

I don't know if you've been told, but I wrote a book about my correspondence with you and the others and included most of the letters from you students (some of them were redundant so I left them out) and all of my answers to everyone. The book will be published by Vantage Press Inc. later this year and should be available in your area book stores and the library on request. I don't know what the title will be yet, I'm waiting for the publisher to choose one of the three titles I suggested. As soon as I find out, I'll let you know if you are interested. It is
really an autobiography done in a sneaky way but I feel it is readable.

Susana, please do keep writing to me. I enjoy getting letters and I do love to write. Maybe I get a bit verbose from time to time but you can chalk that up to old age and have pity on this one fault of mine. You see, age has made me less bashful about asking girls for favors.

Your friend,

John





21 March 1989

Dear Sue,

I haven't heard anything from you in such a long time that I began to wander if I had said anything in my last letter to upset you. I re-read it and find that you might be upset because I cautioned you that you probably would have many more boyfriends besides Jules.

You're right! It's none of my business and I should have kept my mouth shut. I apologize here and now for having said that. Won't you please forgive me? I meant no harm and certainly did not mean to meddle. Having tossed out that olive branch by way of appeasement, won't you please reciprocate by answering this letter?

Spring has arrived and with it, the pollen has covered everything inside the house and outside. In the morning, the cars have to be hosed off before they can be used. There is usually a fine patina of yellow dust on everything which has to be cleaned off daily. We've had some rain today though, and that should cut down the pollen considerably.

Everything has started blooming early this year because it has been so warm lately. The most famous event in the Augusta area, The Augusta Masters Golf Tournament, will start the second week of April. We usually have all the azaleas and magnolias in full bloom for that event, but I'm afraid that the early bloom is going to cause the blooms to drop off before the tournament starts this year. Augusta is known as the Garden City because most Masters’ visitors see everything in bloom during Masters week. I think they will be disappointed this year.

If the weather stays above freezing into the middle of April, we should have an abundance of plums and chestnuts this year. That is the one thing good about an early bloom. If it freezes now though, most of the pollinated fruit and nuts will die. That is what has happened during the last two years.

This letter is, of necessity, short. Had I a letter of yours to respond to, it might have been longer. As short as it is, however, I hope it has brought happiness to your day. Please write again soon.

Your friend,

John




29 March 1989

Dear Susana,

Thanks for answering my letter so promptly. I hope this answer finds you in good health and that you had a good time at your cousin's wedding.

I'm as well as can be expected for the shape I'm in. I take my medication daily so nothing has changed in that regard. If you're really interested in my aches and pains, I could bore you to death, but I know that you would never write to me again. I don't want that to happen.

I know the freshman frolic is due soon and I hope you do get to go with the young man of your choice. You said something that confuses me though. You say you are going to the frolic with Larry who is nice but shy and you don't like him! Now that is interesting! Why go with him then? It reminds me of a cartoon I saw in the paper a few days ago. I am sending it to you in hopes that you will get a laugh and perhaps strengthen your resolve to go with someone you like.

By all means, if you would like to send me a picture, I'd be happy to have it. Crystal sent me one and it helps me to review her letters and look at the picture to get a mental picture of who I am writing to. It really isn't necessary though, because I'll write to you anyway as long as you are interested in corresponding.

The publishers of my book sent me a contract to sign but it wasn't to my satisfaction so I am trying to renegotiate it. It looks like there is going to be a delay in the publication until that is settled. Sorry about that.

The Russians are here in Augusta. They sent a male and female rowing team to participate in the Savannah River Rowing Regatta this weekend. We just started the Regatta five years ago, but already it is taking on an international flavor. France is also represented and several other countries which I forget at this moment. Although the race takes place less than eight miles from here, I will stay at home to watch it. It will be too crowded at the riverfront for me to be able to navigate through the throngs of people with my cane.

Have a happy day and if I don't hear from you before the frolic, please write to me afterward and let me know how it went.

Your friend,

John




(Undated Letter)


Dear John,

Hello! How are you? I hope you are feeling well. I hope you still remember me. My name is Susana. I was in Mr. Powers' class last year. I was in his 9A class. I wrote to you before. You should have two letters of mine. I want to apologize for not answering your last letter. My life has changed very much since the last time I wrote to you. I have suffered very much since then, but finally I am okay now.

I don't know if some of my classmates of last year told you about what happened. In my last letter I told you that I might be moving to Portugal. Well I did move. I have been living here in Portugal for four months. Here I live with my father, stepmother, sister and step-sister. I don't live with my mother anymore. I hate her.

It's a long story which I can't explain, but believe me, I have reasons. I have suffered very much because I left all of my friends behind. The first nights I cried myself to sleep but now I am okay. I have started school. At the beginning I hated it because I didn't understand anything and I didn't know anybody. So I quit. But I went back after a week. I go more just to listen and to make friends. I still don't understand but I pick up little things every once in awhile. I don't do hardly any work but my teachers understand. I am going to repeat the year again next year. I am happier now ’cause I have friends. My classmates are very nice and they understand my problem. So I feel better now.

I love Portugal, but I still miss my friends. But I wouldn't trade Portugal for America. The people are nicer, the weather is better. School is harder but we have more vacation here. I'm sure you would love it here. I wish you could see it.

Well, enough about me, has anything interesting happened in your life since your last letter? I want to know everything. Give me all details. How are you? Do you feel better? I hope so. I want you to get well soon so you can come visit me. I was wondering if you could send me a picture of yourself. I promise that as soon as I take one I'll send it to you. Well, I have to go but please write back to me.

I hope you forgive me for not writing before. If you don't remember me, read my last letters, my address in America used to be on Hadwin Street, in Lanier. Maybe my address will help you find my letters.

Well, I hope you feel better and please write back as soon as possible. Good Bye for now.

Your friend forever,

Please write back. Susana Costa







21 November, 1989

Hi Susana,

Of course I remember you! I had transferred all our correspondence to disk and saved it because I had thought we would be doing a lot of writing. You do write such lovely letters. I just now finished re-reading our letters, so am somewhat refreshed in my memory of you.

Yes, I think Crystal and Kathy both mentioned that you had gone back to Portugal and that you were not happy with staying with your mother. They didn't go into detail though, so don't worry about any confidences you may have divulged to them. I was sorry to hear that you had left Lanier, and I know that Kathy missed you terribly when you left. It sounds like your situation has taken a turn for the better, although you may have to repeat a school year. You are young enough and resilient so the language barrier should only pose a temporary problem. I wish you a lot of luck in your new environs and much happiness.

As per your request, I am sending you a fairly recent picture of myself taken earlier this year in my back yard, under the plum trees. I must caution you that since the picture was taken, I've changed my appearance somewhat by shaving the sparse hair from the top of my head and I've lost about twenty pounds and plan to lose more yet.

A lot has happened since we last wrote. I suppose the most interesting thing for you to know would be the status of the book I wrote containing you students’ letters and my replies. Unfortunately, the book hasn't been published yet, but I'm still trying and don't plan to quit. As a matter of fact, I've already started on a sequel which will cover my life from 1965 to the present. Eventually I'll find a publisher who will accept my work. It is very difficult for a neophyte writer to break into print. He's got to have stamina, and I have an abundance of that now.

You see, I just had another triple bypass surgery done on my heart this month (9 November), and I'm now at home recuperating. I feel much better, the medications I was taking have been drastically reduced, and my strength and endurance are increasing daily. I also plan to go from 220 pounds (my current weight) to 170 pounds. I've made a firm resolve regarding that!

I have an ever increasing circle of people I've been writing to, and I've been enjoying it very much. Unfortunately, Kathy has stopped writing to me because of a minor disagreement. I've made my apologies to her but she refuses to accept that. It is indeed a pity, because I did so enjoy getting her letters.

Although I've never been to Portugal, I've read much about that country. I know the drastic changes that can occur in the weather in Rhode Island, so don't doubt that the weather is better in Portugal. After all, Portugal is right next door to
"Sunny Spain" isn't it? Most of the Portuguese people I've met have been delightful, not to mention the fact that I love their cooking.

Please don't get your hopes up about my being able to visit you in Portugal. Not only is my health situation delicate (although improving), but my wallet is not exactly running over with cash right now either. Who knows though? I could hit the Reader's Digest Sweepstake or become a wealthy writer someday. Well, I can dream, can't I?

Susana, now that you have rediscovered my address, please don't let it be such a long time between letters. I do so like writing to young people. It makes me feel younger! Is that selfish? Oh well, till next you write to me then, I wish you the best of everything and lots of happiness.

Your good friend,

John E. Hunt




18 December, 1989

Dear John,

Hello! How are you feeling? Good I hope. Well, first of all, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year that is if my letter got there on time.

I want to apologize for not writing sooner, but I have had a lot of studying to do for an exam I had to take so they could give me my 9th grade diploma, because without it, it would be like I never did the 9th grade and also because my grandfather died the day I received your letter and things have only now settled down around here.

Well, I am happier now. I still miss all of my friends back in America, especially my best friend Paula, who has also been having a tough time about me leaving, but I have made a lot of friends. All of my classmates have been great and sweet with me so I am happier now. I am also getting more used to school and living here. I am also happy because my best friend Paula from America is coming here this summer to see me.

Now about you, I hope you are feeling better and keep on getting better because I plan on keeping on writing to you for a long time so I don't want you to get sick again, so please take care of yourself okay? I am also very happy to know you have lost twenty pounds, keep up the good job okay?

You are right when you say Portuguese cooking is great but I miss McDonalds very much cause it’s something we don't have here. Portugal is a beautiful country and it's got great weather but this weather is bad for my asthma. I've been to the hospital a couple of times with asthma attacks but I am better now.

Well, I better go now ’cause it's late but I want you to know that I will always keep on writing to you okay? I warn you, I might take long between letters ’cause I am lazy but I will never stop writing.

If you ever need help or advice, just ask, I am good at that okay? I will always be here for you. Good Bye and a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year again.
Gook luck with your book, I hope I'm in it.

Your friend forever & always,

Sue

This picture is of me but my hair is different and I don't have so many pimples or a tan anymore. When I take a more recent one, I will send it to you. This one is from five months ago. My hair looks much better now, believe me.
(picture enclosed...jeh)





04 January, 1990

Dear Sue,

I got your letter the other day, and want to thank you for the picture you sent. Now I know what you look like, so I can form a visual picture of you while I write to you. This sometimes helps to "set" the tone of the letter. Even if you have changed your hair, lost your tan, and gotten rid of the pimples, you must still be a pretty girl; a five months differential in time is not going to change you that much. I like you fine as you are.

My holidays were pleasant, and spent with friends of long standing. I was happy to be able to celebrate the holidays, because for a while there, it was touch and go. Each day that goes by now, though, I feel stronger. I may even be able to mow the lawn this next summer. That should make my wife happy!

In your previous letter, you had intimated that you might have to repeat the ninth grade again. I'm happy to see that they let you take tests to pass you to the tenth grade. It's nice that you find the schooling much easier now and that you have more friends. Keep up the good work in school, a good education is what will enrich your life later on.

I hope this letter doesn't arrive at such an inauspicious time as my last one. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your grandfather. Were you very close or had the years apart dimmed your memory of him?

I have told Crystal and Tranh about receiving your letter and how well you are doing in Portugal now, and that you miss your friends in Lanier. So far, only Tranh has answered me, and she asks about you. You never did tell me if you are keeping up contacts with any of your friends in the U.S.A. You did mention Paula, but you don't mention her last name. I have several letters from last year written by girls named Paula. If you should want any addresses of your former classmates at Lanier, I might have them, so don't hesitate to write and ask for them.

It really amazes me that there is no McDonalds in Portugal! I had thought that they were everywhere nowadays. Kinda got used to that fast-food in America huh? It is really something how that chain has expanded around the globe. I can remember when the first McDonalds was built near my house in Virginia Beach, Virginia in 1963. At that time, they hadn't even sold a million hamburgers (if you can believe that!) so the "golden arches" looked bare.

Yes Sue, your original letter to me and my answer to you will be in my book, whenever is gets published. I have, this past week, written to eight literary agents, and sent them samples of the book in hopes that one of them will be willing to represent my work to a publisher. It seems that will be the only way I can get my work published. Most publishing houses (I now find out) will not accept unsolicited manuscripts for publication unless it is submitted by an agent. It has been a year now since I first started trying to get the book published, but I refuse to get discouraged. Perseverance is something I have a lot of.

My new toys for Christmas haven't arrived yet. I ordered them by telephone. They should be getting here this month. I have a new 40 MB hard disk for my computer, a Turbo 101 keyboard and various and sundry other components which will enable me to upgrade the efficiency of this machine. Now if only a magic elixir could be found which would make me more efficient, I will have achieved something grand. As for the other Christmas gifts, a new living room set, two new bedroom sets for my daughter and us parents, a new dinnerware set for eight, and call waiting for the daughter's phone, round off this years expenses. I'm now in debt until 1995, unless I hit the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes or something!

What do you think of the advance that Democracy is making in Europe at this time? Is there much talk about that on the Continent? The world situation certainly has changed from a year ago. I don't think anyone could have foretold the major changes that have taken place thus far. My only regret is that the Chinese were unsuccessful in their attempts at changing their government for the better; and what a sad loss of life in the effort.

Well, I suppose I've taken up enough of your time with this letter. You probably have only a dozen or so more important things to do than sit around reading a letter from an old reprobate like me. That being the case, I'll bid you good night for now. Remember though, I will be awaiting a reply from you.

Your friend,

John E. Hunt





(No date on letter--postmarked 28 March)

Dear John,

Hello, how are you? Great I hope. I'm happy, very happy to know that you are feeling better each day because I wouldn't want to lose such a good friend who I enjoy writing letters to. I love reading your letters, I find them very interesting.

I want to thank you for sending your condolences on the loss of my grandfather. I loved my grandfather, but I didn't cry very much when he died. You see, my grandfather died in a rest home. He couldn't stay at home because he couldn't get up anymore and he didn't eat anything so he had to have a lot of needles stuck into his veins to feed him and give him oxygen. My grandfather had been suffering for a year and the doctors couldn't stop his pain.

If he were there in America, he wouldn't have suffered so much. My grandfather had cancer in his lungs. I didn't cry much because I didn't see him die and because it was a shock to me because nobody ever died in my family and it was hard for me to believe he was gone. I cried a lot one day. It was on my birthday last year. He was really bad. My dad was trying to hold him up to take him to the car so he could take him to the hospital, but my grandfather couldn't hold himself up. He didn't talk anymore. They had to get him a chair because he couldn't hold himself up. So they called an ambulance for him and they put him on the matt and he was in so much pain that I burst out crying and I was shaking. My dad, stepmother, and grandmother went with him to the hospital and one of the neighbors stayed with me and my sisters but I couldn't stop crying. All of the neighbors were trying to calm me, but then my cousin came and I told her what happened and she got in the car and went to the hospital. She has always been closer to him because she lived here with him. I wasn't as close ’cause I haven't lived with my grandfather since I was nine years old. But I loved him dearly and it was a day that I can't forget.

I'm sorry if I bored you but I just wanted to let it out. Now everything is alright here, my dad is getting back to his old self. He was always closer to my grandfather because his brothers live in America. They were here for the funeral. My grandmother is better and getting used to the idea of living without him after fifty years of marriage. So now everything is okay.

You asked me if I kept contact with my friends in America, well yes, I do. I write to some of my closest friends. I don't think you know the Paula I am talking about. Her name is Paula ________, she lived next door to me and goes to Keough high school. It's an all girl school in Providence. We have been best friends for almost six years. So you can see how hard it has been for both of us being apart after almost six years of being together every single day.

If your book gets published I hope you can send me a copy because I doubt it will get here to Portugal. I would really love it if I could have a book. Don't worry, your book will get published so don't discourage. I ain't going to get discouraged because I know you can do it.

Well I hope you do hit the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes or else you will be in debt until 1995, good luck!

I don't know anything about the democracy in Europe. There is a lot of talk about it on TV but I don't like watching the news.

Well, this is it for now. I am sorry if I bored you with my letter. Good bye for now, I will be waiting for a reply from you.

Lots of hugs from your friend forever,

^ ^ Sue
.. KEEP
(----) SMILING




02 April, 1990

Dear Sue,

I'm sorry for the long delay in answering your letter. I did receive it quite some time ago, but had my computer in the shop for upgrade, and when it came back, I had to figure out how to program it to recognize my peripheral equipment. This is done by changing the system configuration file. Then I had to load my DOS system and word processing program onto the hard disk. I know that may all be "Greek" to you, but if you ask someone familiar with computers, they'll know what it means. Anyway, I'm not an expert at computers, so it took me quite a while to do all this to my satisfaction. It's all hanging in there together now (I'm keeping my fingers crossed), so I've decided to clear up this backlog of correspondence I have to answer.

My health is excellent, and I hope yours is also. My weight has stabilized at 215 pounds! It doesn't go up and it doesn't go down. I exercise every day by doing aerobics, walking and lifting weights. I've gradually increased the number of repetitions of each exercise I do and the distance I walk. Still my weight remains the same. Oh well, I guess it's my fate to be a little rotund man for the remainder of my life.

I'm sure the loss of your grandfather did affect you in many ways you probably are not aware of. By now though, that pain should have receded somewhat. Your grandmother is the one who will need the most attention after losing her husband of fifty years.

The friend you mention, Paula ______, is not the one I had in mind when I asked you if you were still writing your friends. Kathy, especially, had been upset over your departure. You make no mention of her so I assume you are not writing to her. It is nice to know you are keeping in contact with Paula though.

In regards to my book, it still isn't published. I'm pursuing a different approach to that end. In essence, I've decided to get an agent to represent my work to a publishing house. It seems that most publishing houses will not accept unsolicited manuscripts for printing. Had I been told that by Vantage Press right off, I could have saved myself $425 in editing fees, and a year’s time wasted. I've since written to eight agents and sent them samples of my work and one has expressed an interest in representing me. He wants to see the whole manuscript though, and the only too final drafts I have, are out in circulation at the moment. I will have to wait until I get one of those copies back before I can send it to the agent. If the darned thing is ever published, I'll send you a copy.

I didn't hit the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes, but I have a lot of company there so I'm not despondent over it. Naturally, I'll keep sending in my entry form (don't they say "hope springs eternal?"), if for no other reason, but to keep the postal employees on the job.

I suppose it's natural for a teen not to pay much attention to what's going on in the world. As you age, you will realize that these things (the spread of democratic principals) are important, and will affect you no matter where you live. My advice? Watch a little more television news or read more newspapers. You will be the better person for it!

My daughter, Jean, is going to New York this Wednesday. She is going for a modeling interview. She is having a bunch of "promo" pictures made for her portfolio, and if you want some, when they come in, I'll send you some.

I have one more letter to catch-up on, and I've been beating my gums long enough. I probably made you late for a date or something. I'll say goodbye at this point then. Keep in touch.

Your friend,

John





19 April, 1990 (date of postmark on envelope)

Dear John,

Hello! How are you feeling? I was very happy when I received your letter. I thought you had forgotten me already. But I was even more happy when I found out you were in perfect health. Because I thought you were sick and that was why you hadn't written to me yet. I am happy to know you are exercising and taking long walks, it helps feel strong, and that's what I want. I want you to be strong and healthy because I found in you a wonderful friend who I enjoy writing to and who helps me with my problems. So I'm very happy to know you are healthy and happy.

I wish I was happy. My life at this moment of the day isn't very good. I've been crying all morning because I miss all of my friends in America, especially Paula and Kathy. I feel alone and empty as if someone clipped half of my heart out. The worst part is that I feel hurt and very angry still by what my mother did to me. She ruined my life and I can't seem to forget it. I take it out on everybody. I know it's not fair but I can't help doing it.

This morning I yelled at my step-mom, I told her off. I said so many nasty things to her that I made it sound as if she and my dad were no better than my mom. I know I hurt her because she has been trying hard to be a mom to me and she has been. She has done more for me in this past year than my mom did since the day I was born. She's like a mom to me. She's cared for me and given me lots of advice and mostly she listens to me which is more than my mother ever did. But I can't seem to be able to apologize to her.

It's as if I enjoyed hurting people, as if it was the only way to get revenge and to get back at my mother for what she did. God, I hate her for everything she's done to me, but I can't seem to get on with my life.

I daydream all day about America as if I still lived in the past. I'm always alone. I only have friends at school. After school, I'm all alone with nobody. My friends all live far away near my school which is in another city, so I'm all alone. I feel like I'm going to go crazy.

What do I do? I hope you can give me some advice to what I can do. I'm sorry if I bored you but I needed to let it out and I thought of you because you were such a good friend. Even if you can't help, thank you for just listening.

Well now, changing the subject because I'm getting depressed. You said in your letter Kathy was very upset over my departure, well I know that because we do write to each other. I miss her very much. She was always a good friend who cared for me and helped me with my problems. She was one of my closest friends and I miss her a lot.

Now about your book, I am real sorry you haven't been able to get it published because I'm sure it's a wonderful book and I can't wait to read it. You told me, one publisher was interested in your work. Well good luck, I hope you get it published. If he's smart, he will like it and he will publish it for you. Believe me.

About your daughter, tell her I wish her good luck. I would love to have some of her pictures. If you can, please send me some, okay?

Well I must go now but I want to thank you for all your advice and for listening to my problems. You’re a wonderful friend even if I never saw you. Thank you.

Your friend forever and always,

Sue





1 May, 1990

Dear Sue,

I received the letter you mailed on the 19th of April, yesterday. I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I never did hear what your mother did that was so bad, but after a years time, and relocating with your father and stepmother, I would think you would began to feel better about the situation.

What is the problem? Is your mother still bothering you now that you have left her to live with your father? Not knowing what is the difficulty between you and your mother, makes it hard to know how to advise you. Offhand, I would say though, you will probably not begin to feel good about your situation until you learn to do a little forgiving of past trespasses. One thing I know you should be thankful for is your mother did take you back to Portugal to live with your father. I understand that was your wish.

I know that it is traumatic for a girl of your age to leave friends and have to start school in a new country (I've had to relocate twice before in different countries and many times here in the states, so I know whereof I speak). The only thing which will assuage the loneliness of parting with friends is the passage of time. Unfortunately, that goes slow for a person of your tender years. Meanwhile though, try to stay in touch with friends by writing. Who knows, someday you may return, and it would be nice to be able to renew ties with old friends. If you
don't keep in touch with them though, they may move or forget about you.

My friends of thirty-some years ago in Lanier, seem to have cooled in their ardor towards me. I've only had two responses from old friends, and that was by telephone. Both wrote one letter to me and failed to answer subsequent letters I wrote them.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Part of your problem with your stepmother and dad, is just the difficult age you are in. At your age, it is natural for a teen to try to assert some independence from her parents. I would hope your parents understand that. It's good that you realize that you may have hurt your stepmother by things you have said. She probably knows that you didn't mean what you said, but it still hurts a parent to hear their kids talk back to them. I recommend that whenever these arguments occur, you wait until later when tempers have had a chance to cool down, and then approach your parents in a conversational tone and try to reason with them. Be prepared to make compromises though. Sometimes you have to give a little in one area to make gains in other areas. Remember, nothing is gained by shouting! It would be nice if, from time to time, you could find some way of letting your stepmother know how much you really appreciate her; maybe a bunch of flowers now and then, or a box of chocolates, or perhaps just a hug and smile.

I did not know that you were going to school in another city. I'm sure most of your classmates live in that city, and I can understand why you would have few friends your own age around home. Is there no school in the city where you are living? The only solution I can think of is for you to go out of your way to try to make friends with other teens in your neighborhood. That will require extra effort on your part, and is certainly no task for someone who is shy, but I think you would find it gratifying in the long run.

Sue, I hope you will never feel hesitant about discussing problems you are having. I don't profess to have all the answers, but it always helps to talk over your problems with someone. Just getting it off your chest, will give you some relief. If I do offer advice, you don't have to take it. That's the nice thing about advice, you can take it or leave it. But sometimes, I (or anyone else you have talked with) may offer you an alternative that you haven't thought of or tried. If you try to hold your problems inside, they will eventually cause you more difficulties, and may escalate out of control.

The weather is starting to feel more seasonal now. Earlier this winter we had spring-like weather, and we've had winter-like weather this spring. As a matter of fact, our two plum trees will be barren this year because we had a freeze when they were in bloom. We've also lost productivity on one of our Chestnut trees. We will have some nuts this year but not as many as in prior years.

A nice thing about my renewed energy since the operation is that I can now help my wife mow the yard. She's been having to do that herself for the last seven or eight years. That's quite a task. Whenever I mow, I skip my mile walk. After all, mowing makes me use just as much energy as walking, if not more.

I hope you have found some solace in my words and can make your life a little bit happier where you are.

Your friend,

John E. Hunt




16 July, 1990 (postal cancellation date)

Dear John,

Hello! How are you? I hope you are feeling as great as you were in your last letter. It's good to see you feeling great like this because I hate to see someone I care about suffer. Just keep up the good work and you'll get all your energy back real soon.

Well John, I would like to apologize for not writing back sooner but you see I had to study a lot. I know that I wouldn't pass to the 11th grade but I had the possibility to pass four classes so I studied real hard and I did it, I passed those four classes so next year I only have to do the ones I left behind, which are the hardest. I hope you understand my delay and forgive me.

I was really glad to know that I can share with you all my problems because I do need someone to talk too. I know I didn't explain my situation in detail but I have a reason for that. I didn't want to bore you with my problems and I didn't know if you wanted to hear them. But I will tell you everything now because I trust you and I feel like I can talk to you about anything. I want you to tell me what you think after you hear what happened to me. Here goes:

I was born in America and I came here to Portugal at the age of five. My father and mother didn't get along. I remember him hitting her and I would get in the way so he wouldn't hit her and I would end up getting hit too. When I was nine years old my mom decided to run away to America without my dad knowing and that's what we did. I never told my father because I always thought he was the bad guy and so I went along with my mom's plan. I was in America for a year before talking to my dad. I hated him because of everything that I had seen happen in Portugal. My mom gave permission for my dad to go to America and I started seeing my dad every Sunday after that. I started liking him again. But as I was getting older I started seeing things and understanding things. After two years, my dad came back to Portugal. My mom started going out at night, leaving me and my sister alone, she started bringing men into the house. She would hit me, call me names, and talk bad about me to everybody and they were all lies. I don't know what my life would have been like without my neighbors, who were like parents to me, who loved us like their daughters. Everybody talked about her, and along the years she started behaving worse.

My dad here in Portugal would hear things about her, he would go to America to see what was going on and I wouldn't tell him anything ’cause my mom wouldn't let me.

She never loved me, always loved my sister, but never me, she even told me so once. I raised my sister ’cause my mom was never home. But last year I said enough. She came here to Portugal and I stayed with my neighbors and I was to come after school ended with my uncle. She calls me up one morning and tells me that we were going to live in Portugal and tells me to empty the house and give it back to the landlord.

Since that day I have hated my mother and I realized that it wasn't all my dad's fault to why he hit her. She did a lot of things to deserve it. She was never a mother to us and she never loved me. So I came to live with my dad.

He is a wonderful and caring father who also got his life ruined by my mom; who locked himself in the bathroom for days after we ran away to America and broke everything. The fire department had to get him out. So tell me John, is this someone I should forgive? She ruined my life and she's turned me into a girl full of hate for her; someone alone, empty and unhappy. This is why I talk back to the people I love; why I treat them badly because I'm scared that they will step on me and hurt me like she did. I can't forgive her, John. I just can't.

She still hasn't changed. My mom has a boyfriend who is half her age and who she wastes all our money on. My dad had to pay a certain amount of money every week and my mom would put that in our account because the money was ours. She kept it, and she's wasting it on him. I've asked her for it but she said she won't give it to me. So now you know how I feel. I feel like nobody loves me because if my mom never loved me and she was my mom, than there must be something wrong with me and so nobody else will love me. I can't forgive her; she took me away from my home and friends not to mention everything else she did.

Now you know why I feel the way I feel. What do you think I should do? All I wanted was a little love; I never deserved what happened to me. Well I hope I didn't bore you. I told you because I trust you and I feel you understand me.

Well enough about my problems, when you write back, tell me about you. If you have problems I'll try to help you or I'll just listen, whichever you prefer. Thank you for listening. I'm happy and proud to have you as a friend. Please don't ever stop writing to me. Well, I'll stop here. Please next time, tell about yourself because I hate talking only about me. I'll be waiting for your letter. Bye.

Your friend always,

Sue
P.S. Sorry for all my mistakes
I forgot how to write some words.




27 July, 1990

Dear Sue,

Yes, I can read nothing but hurt in almost your entire letter. I understand how deeply you have been wounded by the happenings between your mother and father. These hates are unfortunate because they are controlling your life even to this day, and will continue to do so as long as you let them.

There are several things you must keep in mind here. First of all, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes in our lives which we later regret, but once something has happened, it can't be changed. Your father and mother are no exception to this rule. He made a mistake in hitting your mother and you when you were younger (in my opinion, there is no excuse for a man hitting a woman and child in anger). I'm sure he has regretted it! Your mother may have been cheating on him then, that's what you imply, but they should have been able to talk out their differences.

You were very young at the time, and may not have known the full situation. You yourself have noted that as time passed and you grew older, your feelings changed. When your father returned to Portugal leaving your mother in Lanier to raise you and your sister, perhaps she grew lonely. Maybe your dad wasn't sending her enough money to support the three of you and your mother felt she had to make money some other way. When she said she didn't love you, it was probably said in anger. We all say things in anger sometimes that we don't really mean, I'm sure you've done that yourself. These are only suppositions on my part, but they are plausible. That still wouldn't excuse bringing strange men home and staying out late at night when there are children at home who need caring for. As I said though, we are all human and we do make mistakes.

The question is should the person who's made the mistake be made to suffer for the remainder of their lives for it? Shouldn't they be allowed to learn from the mistake and not make it again? Should the person, who is hurt by the mistake of another, allow that misfortune to become an all consuming hatred which dictates how they react to others around them? I think not, but my saying so will not change how you feel will it?

I know you've been hurt Sue, but believe me, you'll only regain control of your own life and learn to like yourself when you learn to forgive the faults of those around you. We all have faults, even you. Once we recognize that, and can learn to love despite those faults, we will have gained the upper hand in controlling our own destiny. Many times this takes years of experience to learn. I hope, in your case, you'll take my words to heart and try to abide by them. I know it will make you feel better about yourself. Only you can do that!

By now you are probably sorry you asked for my opinion on the matter, huh? It's been my experience that even my own daughter doesn't take my advice as often as I'd wish her to. It's hard to get a teenager to realize that the advice is tempered with experience gained in fifty years of making mistakes myself, and learning from them.

I want to congratulate you on your academic achievement. That must have been difficult catching up on all that back work. It's not easy, having to assimilate academic skills in a language which is all but forgotten. You did well! That means you'll be a junior (11th grade) this year, does it not? Or do you still have some back classes to catch up on? Keep up the good work!

Since my last letter, I've had to go into the hospital again. It seems that one of the heart by-passes has closed up again, and I'm having angina pains. I'm back to square one! I don't believe there will be any more operations on my heart. I will just have to make do as I am and hope that they can give me enough medication to control the problem for whatever remaining time I have left on this earth. Life has been good to me and I'm ready to go if the good Lord wants me. I'd like to stick around for a little while longer though, to see how my daughter makes out. That's all in God's hands!

There's not much excitement in my life these days, certainly not enough to keep a young spirit, like you, interested. I have my writing, which I love, and I watch some good television programs from time to time. Some days (when it isn't too hot, or raining outside) I sit outside underneath my chestnut trees and daydream. The other day I saw a Limpet (a member of the heron family) sitting in one of the trees in the woods behind my house. This is the first time I've seen one of them in this area. The poor thing was being beset by two mocking birds continually flying at its head. Mocking birds are very territorial animals. Of such observations are my days composed. Exciting, huh?

Have you been able to make new friends around your neighborhood Sue? You had said your only friends were at school and that is miles away. Is your sister still with your mother (you didn't explain that), and how old is she? You didn't express your feelings about her at all, except to say you raised her during your mother's absence. How do you get along with her?

'Nuff said for now Sue, write soon!

Your friend,

John




(No date on letter and can't make out the postmark.
Letter received on 3 October, 1990)

Dear John,

Hello, how are you feeling? I was very sad when I read that you are worse again. John, please don't say you are going to die. It hurts me to hear you talk like that. I know I never saw you but you are a very special friend to me and I care for you deeply.

I love receiving your letters and reading them and I hope to be receiving them still for a very long time. Please try to get better and remember you will always be in my prayers. Please get better; take your medication and do whatever is necessary but please get better. I know you can do it because from what I can tell you are a very strong person.

Well John, now I want to apologize for not writing sooner but you see I went on vacation for nine days and I've also been going out a lot but just because I took so long to write doesn't mean I forgot you ’cause I haven't. I hope you understand and forgive me.

John, I want to thank you for your advice and you are right on some things but I can't forgive my mother because until today, she still hasn't stopped making me suffer. John you'd think that when she got here in Portugal she'd change but she hasn't. She is living with a man half her age, who is with her for her money and mine. My dad used to give money for us every week and she put all that money in two bank accounts in her and my sister's name. It was a lot of money we had and I asked her for that money because it belongs to me and she refuses to give it to me, spending it all on him. She spends all her time with him, having no time to spend with my sister who cries and suffers because of it.

I've been with my dad for one year and she hasn't given me one cent. She talks bad about me to everybody. Everybody is turning their back on her because of what she's doing to us. How can I forgive someone when they treat me like this and don't even try to change?

My mom now is my step-mom. Me and her are getting along much better now. The problem was we weren't used to living with each other. I'm sorry John but I just can't forgive my mom. Please try to understand. She ruined my life. I hope you understand. I thank you for all your advice and I will take it to heart and it's helped me a lot, but I can't forgive somebody who is still doing everything she can to hurt me.

You asked me if I had friends around my neighborhood, well John, no I don't. My friends live around school but I don't mind ’cause school's starting soon and I still see my best friend during vacation. You also asked me about my sister. Well, her name is Mary and she's ten years old. She lives with me and my dad. She loves both my parents and she doesn't mind which one she lives with as long as she's with me. She tells me that she goes where I go. She has been suffering a lot lately because my mom hardly calls her and because she rather be with her boyfriend than with my sister. If my mom keeps on going the way she's going, she is also going to lose my sister just like she lost me. Well, it's enough about my mom, I hope I didn't bore you with my problems but you see I feel like you are someone I can trust and that I can talk to but I am sorry if I bored you.

You asked if I passed to the eleventh grade well, unfortunately, no I didn't pass. I was able to do some disciplines but I still have to do ones I didn't do. Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me.

Please next time tell me all about your days. You do not bore me. Please believe that. I am your friend and I am here to hear your problems, your pains, your happy moments, everything. You can say what ever you want. I am here if you need a friend. Please don't forget that. Once again, please look over yourself and take care. Please and when ever your down just think you got a friend who is here for you. Well, for now it’s all.

Goodbye until your next letter.

Your friend,
always & forever,

Sue



8 October, 1990

Dear Susana,

Nice to hear from you again! I hope you enjoyed your nine day vacation. Please do tell me about it. Where did you go and what did you do? Things like that interest me and make for a more interesting letter in the telling. I would assume then, that you were not in school at the time, and that you have now started back to school. Your school season must correspond pretty closely to ours here in the States.

Something that you should be aware of Susana, is that the heart and lung disease that I have is not curable. I will not get better. The best that I can hope for now is that the medications the doctors give me can keep the quality of my life such that I can live comfortably here at home. As long as I can get around a bit in the house and yard and occasionally help the wife do some shopping, I'm happy. Then too, I must be able to do my writing! Without that, it wouldn't be much fun hanging around.

As to when I will depart this world, only God knows that, and He ain't telling. I've led a long and happy life so when I do die, it will be without regret. I'm really not afraid of dying, that should be somewhat anti-climatic. What the hell, we all have to die sometime, don't we? You cannot name one person who has lived forever. Man's life span is approximately seventy-two years and I've lived fifty of those years, and counting. As long as I keep interested in what's happening around me, I can be happy with the status quo.

I'm glad you care enough about me to be concerned for my health. The feeling is mutual. Your mental health seems to have been bruised more by the experiences you've had with your mother. I can understand your bitterness; it is not without some foundation. I must stress again, however, that until you are able to put that bitterness behind you, it will continue to dampen your own existence. You would be much happier if you could concentrate on the positive influences in your life. Negative thoughts are very disruptive to the soul.

Tell Mary I said hi. I'll bet she picked up on the Portuguese language more rapidly than you, didn't she? Ten years of age is a very resilient time of year. From your letters, it sounds as if she lives part time with your mom and part time with you and your dad. That must be unsettling for her. Are there many of your friends there in Portugal who have similar family situations? Portugal is mostly Catholic isn't it? I only ask because I know that the Catholic faith does not recognize a divorce or at least that a divorced person cannot remarry within the confines of the churches tenets.

I've had a former English teacher, and now a professional writer, give my book a critique. She says I must get more interaction between the students who wrote me and myself; she also says I may have to get permission from the students to
publish their letters. That leaves me two choices. I can either fictionalize the book or disguise the writers. Fictionalizing the book would defeat the purpose of writing it. Anyway, I'm no good at making up story plot. I will therefore have to disguise the students who wrote to me. I've got some work ahead of me!

Susana, I'm going to put the capper on this letter for now. It's a cool, foggy day outside, but I want to go soak up some of that fresh air. There's a nice lawn chair under my chestnut trees in the back yard. It seems to be calling me.

Be good, and take care of yourself for me.

Your friend,

John




(postmarked 10 Dec., 1990 from Cascais, Portugal)

Dear John,

Hello! How have you been feeling lately? Better I hope. It makes me sad when I see people I care for suffer but like I said before, I pray for you to get better every night. But knowing that you can still do the things you like makes me happy.

Well John, first of all I want to apologize for not writing any sooner but you see, between my four classes, studying and tutoring, I have hardly any time to myself. I have been studying a lot lately because I don't want to stay back again. But I am doing okay so far, my tutor has been helping me a lot. So far I only got back one of my tests, but I passed it. John, I promise you that I will always write to you even if I take long. I hope you understand my delay and forgive me.

In your letter you asked me if I enjoyed my nine day vacation. Well John, I loved it. It was a lot of fun. I went traveling around the whole width of Portugal, seeing places I've never seen before. It was beautiful, all the mountains, trees, fresh air, old fashioned houses, the nice people. I really loved it. We slept in different cities and hotels every night.

Me and my parents and sisters went with another couple and their three daughters. I've known these people since I was a child because they have been my dad's best friends for years. The last three days of our vacation, we spent it in this couples hometown; it's a small place with about twenty houses and one cafe. Me and their older daughter, who I have been friends with for eleven years, we were bored so her two cousins (Carlos and Joas) took us to meet the bigger towns and took us dancing at night, so we enjoyed ourselves a lot.

We also went swimming in a small lake that was there but I didn't swim a lot because there were snakes in the water and I was scared. This couple's family was the sweetest and most simple people I have ever met, they were poor but they always gave us the best they had. It was a wonderful vacation. Well, I'm sorry if I bored you with my story.

John, I'm glad you care enough about me to be concerned for me. I honestly am trying to put this bitterness behind me but it is difficult to do so. I can't help feeling not loved by my family, when I know they do love me. I sometimes say things to them especially my step-mom that I know I shouldn't say, but I can't help it. They sometimes say things that hurt me and I answer them back with words that I know will hurt them. I love them, John, I really do, but I can't seem to forget what my mom did to me. She hurt me deep down; it’s a pain that doesn't go away. I try but I can't.

I sometimes act in a childish way, jealously. I don't mean to act that way but I act this way because ever since I was a child she never paid attention to me. It was like as if I wasn't there, I was invisible to her. Why does she hate me? Why didn't she ever love me? These are questions I ask to myself everyday and I can't find the answers.

You know what she did recently? November 4th was my birthday. She didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday, not even a phone call. She's my mother, how could she do this to me?

I feel a hole inside of me, a hole that doesn't go away and I'm scared because if I don't get rid of this pain, I will lose everybody that's dear to me including my best friend Marcia. If it wasn't for her, I don't know what would be of me, and because of my childish acts, I might lose her. Help me! John, please. How can I get rid of my bitterness with a mother like mine?

I have nobody to talk to except you. I can't tell my dad my problems because he's a very nervous person because of what my mom did to him. He just wants me happy. He loves me so much and my mother hurt him so. She talks bad about me everywhere she goes and they're all lies. She tries to play the innocent role with me guilty. She took me away from America, my home, my friends everything. For four nights, I have been dreaming about my friends from America. I miss them so much.

John, am I ever going to be happy? Is she ever going to stop hurting me? All I want is to be happy, I want this hole, this pain, this bitterness to go away. Maybe then I can find some peace and be happy.

I'm not saying I'm not happy because I am, but I mean really happy, without having this pain rise up on me and do to me what it's doing. I spent a lot of time crying, like now. Please, tell me what to do. Please.

Well John, changing the subject. I told my sister you said "Hi!" and she also says "hello" and wishes you a fast recovery. You were right when you said that my sister picked-up the Portuguese language faster than me. I sometimes yell at her because she's always talking to me in Portuguese and I want her to talk American with me so she won't forget her language.

No, my sister lives with me and my dad. She used to see my mom on Sundays but my mom is always with her boyfriend now and hardly ever calls my sister and my dad doesn't want her going out with my mom's boyfriend.

Yes, Portugal is Catholic and you are right, divorced people cannot re-marry within the confines of the churches tenets.

John, I give you my permission to publish my letters if you want. Good luck with your book and remember I want a copy.

Well John, I have to go now because it's almost time to go to school. Please write back and remember I will probably take long to answer back but I will write and if I don't write back before Christmas, which I probably will, but if I don't I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. A big hug and kiss from this friend who cares and thinks of you a lot. Goodbye for now.

Your friend always and forever,

Sue
P.S. Take care of yourself and
forgive me for all the mistakes.



20 December, 1990

Dear Sue,

I had attempted to answer your last letter yesterday, and I was experimenting with a new graphics program I received which allows you to draw pictures on the page. Unfortunately, I've not yet learned to use it properly. I'd written the entire letter with a lovely picture of a Christmas wreath and a dragster automobile on the two pages. When I tried to print the letter, it wouldn't accept the graphic; worse than that, when I tried to save the letter, it wouldn't save to disk so I've lost it completely. Now I must begin again!

I'm so happy that you had a lovely nine day vacation, and that you were able to spend it with some friends of your family and a girl you've known for eleven years. It sounds like you had a wonderful time seeing the countryside, dancing, and even swimming. I don't blame you for being afraid to go in the water if there were snakes present. I don't think I would have either.

This month's edition of National Geographic has a fold out map supplement of the African Continent. Also on that map is the country of Portugal. I tried looking up Cascais or Pompilleira, but either the map scale was too small or those towns..? provinces..? are not big enough to warrant inclusion on that map. Perhaps if you can name some large city which you are close to, I'd be able to locate where you are writing from on the map.

Sue, you asked me for help in trying to assuage the pain you are feeling because of the way your mother treated you in the past and is treating you now. There is not much I can do from the distance we are forced to communicate. What I can do is offer some advice. The thing is, you may not like the advice, or may not try to follow it. In either case, it would make the advice worthless and it may anger you towards me. For what it's worth, here is what I suggest:

I believe you do your father a disservice in not confiding in him the way you have confided in me. He wants to see you happy and if he loves you as much as you say, and I'm sure he does, then tell him your true feelings. He would be better able to deal with the pain you inadvertently inflict upon him and his wife. At least he would know why you are so angry. Maybe, too, talking it out with him would lessen the pain you are feeling. It is said that unburdening troubles to another, such as a loved one or a psychiatrist, will make your personal burdens seem lighter. Sometimes just talking about what is troubling us will make life seem easier.

Now that you are sixteen, will you be getting a driver's license? Kids here in the states are eligible to get one when they turn sixteen, but I don't know about Portugal. I had attempted to place the picture of the dragster on this page when talking about the license, but it didn't work. Anyway, if you can get a license, perhaps your dad will let you take the car from time to time.

It's nice that Mary talks to you in English, that way she will retain her ability to speak it. I feel that she should continue speaking and even reading English, that way, when she is an adult, she will be bilingual. That can be very helpful if she should do any traveling later in life. Then, too, English is fast becoming an international language for business. To convince a child of ten that this is so, will be very difficult, especially when everyone around her is talking Portuguese.

If I'm to get this off in the mail, I have to terminate it here. I'm sorry I couldn't get this letter to you before Christmas. I hope you had a good Christmas and that your New Year is a joyous one. Why not try to take my advice about talking to your father? Who knows, that might help start off the New Year on a good note. Until next time then,

Your friend,

John